The Current State of Affairs

I've been a bag blogger lately. I am still trying to figure out my new world. Who knew it could be this hard to work over 8 hours a day, take care of two kids, and never sleep more than 4 hours at a time? Each day I am shocked at the fact that I am simply exhausted. I spend about 10 minutes thinking, why the hell am I so tired? And then I remember.

Overall things really are going well. I am somewhat glad to be getting back to work and catching up with my clients. The baby is doing great in daycare. Pumping/breast feeding is still going well. The Boy is fine, although he is being a typical 3 1/2 year old and testing me on EVERYTHING. That is another post in and of itself. But overall things are okay; I am just trying to get into the swing of my new life post baby. Remember back 5 months ago when I got put on bed rest and I lamented here on this very blog that I hated change? Yeah, well I do. And getting back to my "old life" post baby has proven to be just as hard and giving it up way back when.

Random thought. How much does it suck when your baby sleeps 8 1/2 hours in her crib for the very first time and you don't get to enjoy it? I put the baby down at 8:30 last night. I slept blissfully from about 10:00 until around 2:30 when I mentally did the hour count in my head (5 1/2 hours...pretty good...should be up any minute now for a feeding) and then tried to go back to sleep. Except from 2:30 until 5:00am (when she finally woke up!!) I barely slept and had weird dreams and in each dream I kept telling people, "Oh my God, the baby slept X amount of hours last night!" All the while she actually is still asleep and I am tossing and turning and basically NOT enjoying it because I am laying there expecting her to wake up at any given second. Then as I roll over onto one side I realize that my boobs also are aware of the fact that she has been asleep so long. So I mentally lay there and think about how much it sucks that after she gets up and eats that I am going to have to go pump. And oh please oh please let me be able to fall back asleep after pumping, and please don't let The Boy wake up when I have to go into the kitchen to pump...I need at least another hour and a half out of him before I am ready to start the day...

Do you see what a waste of perfectly good sleep that is?

These are my thoughts at 5:24am when I sit here at my desk pumping. I really need to get my shit together and give you all a proper blog post. But for right now? This is as good as it's going to get. Hope all is well with all of you. Normal blogging will resume shortly. (I hope).