When Sickness Gets In the Way

This has been a rough winter in terms of illnesses in my house. Up through the end of January, we were all pretty healthy. Then I got sick...and more sick...and STILL sick...and amazingly enough, through all of that my kids stayed pretty healthy. Then once I finally finished my second round of antibiotics and started to feel better, the kids got sick.

So The Girl was doing great with her potty training and even used the potty at her school all day on Monday of last week. Then on Tuesday? Sick. Like fever of 102 sick... And she had no desire to get up and use the potty. And I didn't blame her. So I let her go back into diapers until she was better. She was really sick all week long (home with me 3 days) and then again on the weekend so she hasn't really been working on it. Finally yesterday she felt better and wore her undies all day long (even to a trip to the grocery store where she attempted to use their potty twice...unsuccessfully...) and stayed dry. But today when she went to school she wanted a diaper. So we went with it.

So potty training? Still a work in progress...but we're getting there. As I mentioned, I have a deadline set for the end of her spring break, so up until then I am going to let her lead the charge. But once we hit spring break and she's home with me for a week? It's all undies all the time! And no going back.

Other than that we had a lovely, relaxing weekend. The girlfriend was around so that was nice. Speaking of, that is still going well. We actually hit the six months of dating mark sometime last week. Amazing how fast it goes... I am keeping things pretty casual...I don't have any desire to jump into a big, heavy relationship so things are very mellow and fun right now. And I am enjoying that.

The Boy is growing up so fast. He is such a big kid. It still amazes me. He is very into anything "Super Hero" right now. And amusingly enough...The Ex has him into all of the old-school cartoons that we watched as a kid. So right now he is into Scooby Doo and He-Man and the regular Spiderman and Batman stuff. But he loves him some super heros. He is also doing great in his art class. He did a water color last Thursday that I think is beautiful and I am going to get it framed. He loves to write and draw and lately has been writing his own "books" which he is very proud of. He is loving learning to read and is still absolutely in love with his school.

And blissfully, the kids have reached the stage where they LOVE to play together. They are best little friends and I find it adorable. They run into one of their rooms and make up a game and play it for hours. Or they will go outside together and play... The Girl is so verbal that they are really at a similar level of playing and the result is the most adorable friendship. Longtime readers of my blog know that I really struggled with the idea of having a second child on my own. There have been countless times lately where I have been doing something and stopped to listen to my kids play together and smiled and thought, "That. That right there is why I did this." And I know that I absolutely made the right decision. Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

Happy Holidays

It's a holiday in our household today so I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season, and here are some of the pictures from the kids' holiday photo shoot... I may have already shown you some of these but if not, enjoy! Have a wonderful day everyone!

Apparently There Is A Limit to My Crankiness...

This past week has been ROUGH you guys. Trying to work AND take care of two kids simply doesn't work. It just plain doesn't. I can either work properly, or I can take good care of my kids...but I can't do both of those things at one time. So this week has been crazy and I am not proud to say that I haven't been the most patient parent in the world as of late. In fact for most of this week my children have literally been driving me out of my mind.

But then tonight I put The Girl to bed and then I put The Boy to bed in their respective rooms and went into my bathroom to take off my makeup. I hear my daughter open her door, walk out and pause a little bit in front of my room to see if I am looking at her (I am not, but can see her through my bathroom mirror) and then "sneak" into her brother's room. I have his monitor on so I turn it on and see her hop up on his bed, give him a hug and lay down on her tummy with her ankles in the air watching her brother do something with Spiderman. They whispered because they didn't think that I knew she was in there. They sat together for about 15 minutes before The Boy couldn't stand it (he's definitely my honest one) and he came out and told me that The Girl was in his room but could they please please please spend some more time together? He was teaching her how to not be afraid in the dark and he was going to go get her Kitty (her lovey) for her. I said sure and he ran off. A few minutes later I went in there and they were both laying together on his bed under the covers and asking if they could have a sleepover.

Let me reiterate...there has probably not been more than a handful of moments in the entire last week that I thought these two were cute. They have both been "on my list" all week long. And yet...even I couldn't resist the adorable brother/sister bonding that was going on. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we don't have to be anywhere until 4:00pm. It's a perfect night for their first ever sleepover in our house (they have slept together in other places before, but never at home). So I blew up the aero bed, put the sheets on and they each made their own part of the bed. She chose her pillow pet, her kitties (2 of them), her blanket, her stuffed frog and a spiderman figure. He chose his pillow pet, his Lambie (like her kitty; a lovey), a flashlight, a blanket and three spiders. Oh, plus another Spiderman figure to battle his sister. I took a picture of the cuteness, turned off the lights, and slipped out to leave them. I will never know what they talk about or what they do in there tonight, and I shouldn't. This is just between the two of them.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Pray for Me

Today is the last day...for more than two loooong weeks, that either of my children have any sort of school or daycare. It's going to be a LOT of togetherness. I mean I do feel lucky and joyful to spend this wonderful time of year with my two children... But dear God. It's a really long freaking time. Let's have a couple of pictures of them during the season while I still like them... Happy Friday!

Bullets

The time just keeps going so quickly that I never have time to sit down and write a proper post anymore. So I'm going to catch us up quickly since I haven't written since Thanksgiving.

• My daughter is a huge pain in the ass. Seriously. I adore her more than life itself but DEAR GOD with the attitudes and the tantrums and the bossy behavior... It's a miracle some days that I have made it through the evenings with her.
• On the flip side of that...oh my God is she so freaking cute right now. She LOVES any and all things Christmas. She asks for the songs in the car and knows them by heart and sings them at the top of her lungs. We took her to see some lights last night and she kept running around going, "And anodder kissmas tree...and ANODDER...and wait! LOOK! There's frosty..." It was perhaps the sweetest genuine love of Christmas I have seen in the long time.
• The Boy has attitude as well. Seems like teenager attitude...like blatantly ignoring me when I ask him to do something. Taking his own sweet time to do that things he actually does. And generally thinking he's MUCH cooler than he actually is.
• But again...he's so sweet right now. Is reading at school and I volunteer in his class and read with all the kids so he is trying SO hard right now to master reading. He loves, loves, loves all things school and I will say (again) what an amazing school he goes to. He's still my little science boy and my little helper.
• Job thing is a bit crazy with the transitions to working with a partner coupled with normal end-of-year activities and my heart is palpitating a little trying to figure out how to fit it all in.
• One of my very wealthy clients let me go to his beach house over the weekend for a night. I will say it was like NOTHING I have ever seen before. Most beautiful house that perhaps I have ever set foot inside and I actually got to spend the night. Right on the private beach with the most amazing view you have ever seen. I went with the kids and The Girlfriend and it was awesome. While eating breakfast in the morning at the big, oak table in front of a burning fire we were watching the surfers and the waves break outside the window. And as we were watching a school of dolphins swam by. Swear to God. Even have pictures to prove it. It was a pretty surreal moment.

And we'll end on that because I have to run out to pick up The Girl from school, The Boy from his OT and then bring them home, throw them in the bath and get their dinner started before The Ex gets here to watch them. Because at 6:00 I am going out for drinks and sushi with my BFF. Will try and do a proper post soon! Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday!

Happy Day!!

About three months ago I was posting about how utterly bummed I was that The Boy had to go back onto his appetite stimulating medication. He had been off of it for almost a year and it was a really big blow to me that he had to go back. The side effects when he first starts it are tough to witness and I just felt so bad for my little dude that for whatever reason, his body didn't make him hungry enough to eat on his own.

But I am happy to report today that it works. That for all of those tears I cried and all of those sad moments I had...it appears to work. And that is really all that matters in the end. If you recall, when he went back on the medication in August he had not gained one ounce in over 10 months. Not a good thing for a 5 year old. I rarely post his actual weight on here because he is just so tiny that I feel bad about 'putting it all out there' on the Internet for the world to see. But because I have good news today, I will share. The weight we were stuck at for over 10 months was 35 pounds. He was just stuck there. He had actually grown about 3/4 of an inch during that time period but that isn't anything significant (an average yearly growth for a child my son's age would be about 3 inches). So at his last weight check he was 35 pounds and 41 inches tall. Yes, I know. Super tiny. Especially for an almost 6 year old.

BUT! But yesterday was his 3 month check after going back on the medicine. I knew he had gained a little bit because not only could I see it in his face, but I had cheated and had him stand on my scale at home a couple of times. So I was hopeful that it was going to be a good appointment. I was hoping that he would be up to about 37 pounds and that because of that he had a growth (height) spurt coming. That was the hope. So when we got called back and he stood on the scale I said to the nurse, "If he's still 35 pounds I am going to kill myself..." She laughed as she slid that little dial more and more over to the right and said, "You don't have to worry about that today..."

He weighed 39 pounds you guys!!! He gained 4 pounds in 3 months. That is un-fucking-believable. This has never happened in all of his life. I have never witnessed a weight gain like that. Never. I was so surprised and happy that I picked him up and swung him around the room cheering. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it.

And then we moved on to get his height and he had grown an entire inch!! In three months!! Crazy. Totally crazy. In the best possible way. So even though he is still a tiny little dude for his age, I am celebrating the fact that he put on 4 pounds of weight and grew an entire inch in just three short months. I Can't even tell you all how happy this makes me.

Way to go Buddy!! Keep eating!!!

Halloween in Pictures

The Boy decided that he wanted to be a dragon. Peanut, however was somewhat convinced that she wanted to be a "beautiful butterfly." However, when brother's costume arrived, she took one look at it and declared that she wanted to be a dragon like brother (shocking). So behold...my two dragons...

Aren't they scary?
And here they are trick or treating with their cousins on the big day. The Girl did great. She got scared a couple of times but she kept up mostly. Of course, The Boy got tired and ended up riding in the stroller, but I am sure that doesn't shock anyone (least of all me, which is why I brought the stroller in the first place). But they were old pros at the procuring of candy...
Sometimes her brother and her cousins ran ahead of Peanut so she hung with her Gigi. She was so cute going house to house holding her hand...
This pretty much sums up the evening...candy in the mouth and candy in the hands, and candy in the bag...
Hope everyone had a great Halloween. One of these days I will make time to give you all a proper post!

Now With Added Bonus

I posted here a while ago that Peanut was moving into a toddler bed. She was crawling out of her crib and hurting herself and it was just time. The transition was actually easier than I thought it was going to be. It helps that she can't open her door handle yet, so she can't get out of her room unless I open the door for her. But she LOVED her new "big girl bed." She was ALL about it. Check out the face...

The thing of note in this picture is that the crib is still sitting next to the toddler bed. I left that in there for at least a week, and it was actually quite helpful. Every time she wouldn't lay down to go to bed, I would point at the crib and say, "Do you want to go back to your baby crib? No? Well then lay down. If you don't lay down and go to sleep you have to go back to the crib..." And miraculously, this worked pretty well. After almost two weeks, it was time to get the crib out of the room. But before doing that, one has to snap a final picture of the crib sitting in the "nursery."
That crib has been up and in that spot for almost 6 years. It was kind of am emotional thing for me to take it down and put it away. I don't have any desires for more children, so not in that kind of a way, but in the way that the children I DO have are growing up. One is in school already...the other now has her own bed in her "big girl room." It seems like in just a few years they are going to be surly teenagers that only snarl at me as they walk down the hall. No longer my babies.

But once I got the crib down and moved her bed into its spot, I was thrilled with how big her room looked (it's a pretty tiny room). I had bought a little bin to put all of her toys and stuffed animal into and after all of that, there was so much room to play!
And this is what I am referring to in the title when I say "added bonus." I didn't realize that my daughter never played in her room. Neither did her brother for that matter. They always played in either his room, or in the living room with me. Now that her room is set up like this she plays in it ALL the time. She goes in and gets a book and sits on her bed to read it. Or she takes her baby dolls and/or stuffed animals and puts them in her bed, covers them and sings to them. She climbs up on her window seat and sits there with things she has collected around the house. She loves it. And sometimes The Boy joins her too. I have heard him saying to her recently, "Come on...let's go play in your room..." as they run down the hall. The other night, I was doing dishes and I realized it was silent. Since every mom knows that is never a good thing, I turned off the water and went to investigate. The Boy was in his room sitting on the floor playing with his dinosaurs, and The Girl was in her room playing with her dolls. It was the most surreal moment. Both of my children, playing happily in their own rooms. All in a different space. It was pretty glorious. And of course it lasted approximately 30 seconds because The Girl came barreling down the hall not two minutes later to tell me something. But still. It was there.

And the best thing of all? The Boy saying to her after brushing teeth, "Come on...let's go to your room and I will read you a story. We can sit on your bed together."

And then you get moments like these. And you aren't sad that your baby isn't in her crib anymore. You remember why every single stage is so damn awesome.

I Hate It

• I hate it that my kid has to have weight checks every 3 months.
• I hate it that the last 3 weight checks have been bad news.
• I hate it that my gastro doctor had to point out that The Boy has not gained an ounce in over 9 months and gave us a one month "hail Mary" to have him gain a little something before it was time to go bad on meds.
• I hate it that at said one month "hail Mary" he hadn't gained anything. Not an ounce.
• I hate it that it's time to put him back on medication.
• I hate watching him take the medication and then suffer the side effects of taking it (extreme tiredness and lethargy).
• I hate it that, although it makes him tired, it does seem to work a little.
• I have having to decide between my kid eating enough to sustain his little life, and my kid being mentally alert enough to grow and thrive.
• I hate that, after 5 years...I am still talking about this.

I'm SO That Parent Right Now

I apologize for what you're about to see, but for documentation purposes I feel that I must show the artwork that came home with The Boy after his first week in Kindergarten. He used to be able to bring his stuff home everyday after he finished it. He has wanted so badly to bring his stuff home at the end of each school day only to be told it must wait for Friday. So when I picked up him on Friday he was bursting at the seems.

It appears that he spent a good portion of his first week drawing. And these are his favorites. I think he's doing pretty damn good. :)

It appears this is "part of the ocean but I didn't have time to finish the water." So that is a jelly fish, a star fish, a giant squid, and a cat fish.

This is his page of bugs and things that fly.
There must have been some talk about this bird this week because there were quite a few versions of this. According to his writing at the bottom, this is a "short tailed albatross"
This is apparently a dinosaur getting attacked by a flying dinosaur and then him flying away.
And his personal favorite...and the one that is hanging on my fridge right now, this is a monarch butterfly. He traced this and then colored it in. All the other ones were free-hand, but this one was traced. But he knows I love these so he made it just for me.
I am still just completely warm, fuzzy over his new kindergarten. I feel like I made SUCH a good choice. More later on that...

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend!

He's a School Boy Now...

Tomorrow is the official first day of school, but The Boy has gone to his new kindergarten both yesterday and today for half days. He also went on Friday to meet his teachers and check out his classroom. All of this combined with an afternoon at the park yesterday with his classmates has made the transition into kindergarten a great one.

I worried so, so much...remember all the posts? The great kindergarten debate? Well, things fell into place like they usually do. Randomly running into one of his old teachers in the Trader Joe's parking lot (who told me about the school he is in now) changed everything for the better. Yes, this is a private school, which was NOT my first choice. Not only for the money part of it, but because I went to public school...I wanted to support my local public schools. But it just wasn't in the cards. And you know what? It was the best decision I could have made.

I cannot tell you how awesome his classroom is. I walk around that place and think, man I would love to learn here. And apparently, The Boy feels the same. This morning he asked me if he was going back to kindergarten and I told him yes. "Hooray!!" he cheered. When we got ready to leave this morning he grabbed his lunch box, his water bottle and said, "Ready to go to kindergarten!" as he ran out the door. We got there a few minutes early today and his classroom wasn't open yet. He was so excited to get to check out all the books in the library. He looked up at me, sitting there with his little eyes shining..."I am going to learn SO MUCH STUFF in this school Mommy..." And he will.

And I am more proud of him than I ever thought I could be. My biggest goal during all of the choices and stresses about getting him into a good school was wanting him to continue his love of learning. My child (probably all children) LOVES to learn. And I just didn't want that fire to go out. I wanted to keep that fire burning for a really long time. And with his new school? I think that fire will be burning for the next 6 years at least!

Here he is on Monday morning...again, not the official "first day of school photo" (that will come tomorrow morning), but this was the first morning we went to the new school. Note the pose? He did that himself. He was so excited that he was dancing. Can't ask for much more than that.

Now remind me of all of this in future years when I am complaining that I am in the poor house as a result of my child's education...

Pictures from Our Trip to the Mountains

This is my two babies playing on my very favorite lake in the whole world. And also the very same lake that I used to play in when I was their age...

A picture of said lake, sans children:
Wading in the water and throwing a ton of rocks = great time had by all!
My big boy...when did this happen?
A little love between Mommy and Peanut on the deck of my cabin:
Because, OF COURSE you have to read books in the house with your sunglasses on...
The Boy, The Ex and my cousin going on a boat ride:
Peanut, myself and my cousin enjoying a boat ride:
The Boy being goofy while we were out on the boat:
Peanut trudging through the "forest" (actually the way to the parking lot):
Look! The Boy caught a moth!
He was also obsessed with the stuffed quail of my grandfather's from inside the cabin:
Right before we left we went to a place to feed the fishies. They loved it!
Of course The Boy ran all the way around the little pond to make sure ALL the fish got some food...
Once they were out of food, they just sat and watched them...
Shortly after that, we headed home. Such a wonderful trip!

Hello!!

Since apparently the few readers that I still have are wondering if I'm alive and well, I feel like I should put a little something up here. And to answer that question, yes, we are all alive and well. Things are going great actually. It's been a busy summer and for once, I am trying to enjoy it and get away from the computer a little bit. As I have alluded to before, I went through a little rough patch in July but I am happy to say that things are much better and that thanks to a great therapist and the help of a pharmaceutical I feel better than I have in years. Depression is something I have struggled with on and off ever since college. I have been on anti depressants since that time, but went off of them both times when I had my kids. Shortly after The Boy was born, and around the time when my marriage fell apart, I went back on them. Then I weaned off again to get pregnant with The Girl and had been off them for 3 years since then. Well The Boy's repeated sicknesses and his battle with weight combined with the stress it takes to raise two kids by yourself, own your own business, and try and stay in your house during a horrific recession all stacked up against me and I hit a pretty low point. About the middle of July I decided it was time to go back on the meds. Best decision I have made in a long time. I feel like a new person. So if things have been quiet over here, that's pretty much why. Life was really overwhelming and then I had to deal with the inevitable side effects of going back on medication (all which have gone away at this point), and well... Here we are.

So enough of the depressing stuff. I will try and give you a quick rundown of what we've been up to. First let's start with The Boy. As I mentioned, he was really sick and lost a ton of weight and at our last gastro appointment (he gets weight checks every couple of months), I got "the look" from our doctor. He had not gained one ounce in over 6 months, and for a little dude like him, that is NOT good news. Our usual three month weigh-ins have been changed to monthly and when we go back in a couple of weeks, if there is no improvement we are going to have to put him back on an appetite stimulating medication.

I have been rethinking my stance on his food intake a lot recently. Up until lately my thoughts have been that since he puts SO little in his body in the first place, I need to make what actually goes in count. And because of that I make sure most of the things he eats are healthy and high in protein and/or carbs. I don't want him to load up on sugar just to get the calories and then crash down. So if he asked me for some Pringles or something I would usually say, "how about an apple," or "how about a string cheese." Now I am not so sure if this is the right method anymore. Maybe I just need to load him up on a ton of Oreos or something. I just don't know. But it sure is frustrating. It continues to be a work in progress.

Other than that he is doing great. He starts kindergarten at the Private Montessori school next week and he is super excited. This is his last week at his current preschool, which I LOVE, so I am sad about that. But if The Girl ever decides she will pee pee in the potty we can send her there, so hopefully we will see them again soon. He is still firmly in the dinosaur obsession and is also super into coloring and drawing right now. Still my happy little sweetheart that I love more than life.

The Girl is also doing good. I don't really know what to say about her except that she is a total character. She is so freaking funny, she makes me laugh all the time. She is also super stubborn and if she's in a mood? Watch out! But her language skills amaze me on a daily basis, her facial expressions are priceless and watching her dance is one of my favorite pasttimes. I just adore that little girl. She has fire and she has spunk. I'll post some new pictures soon.

We took a wonderful vacation up to my cabin in the mountains a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing. I have been going to that cabin since I was 2 and to now get to see my kids fall in love with it? Really an emotional experience. My son slept in the bunk bed that I always slept in. Both of my kids instantly fell in love with sitting in the river throwing rocks. They both talked all about the nature and the lakes and going out in the boat... It really filled up my emotional tank spending that time with them. Again, once I get home, I will post some pictures from that for you all to see. (I'm blogging at work...ssshhhh...don't tell).

On a totally personal note, when I was in the midst of the depression crap I had a hard time eating and as a result lost about 15 pounds. I have kept it off and added a few more to the loss column, so I am looking much better than I have in a few years. I have actually had to go out and buy some new clothes. But between that, and my meds, I feel great. And I have actually put myself out there on a couple of online dating sights. It's fun emailing and getting to know new people although I haven't gone out on any actual dates yet. But it's fun and for the first time in years, I feel like I am actually doing something for me. And that's nice. So there's that. :)

So that's what's been going on lately. I am going to try and get back into blogging again and keep you all up to date on how The Boy's new school goes as well as the other crazy escapades of our lives. If you are still here and still reading, thanks! Hope everyone had a great summer!

Greetings!

It's been almost a month since I last posted. Lots of things going on over here keeping me away from the blog. The first thing was that The Boy got another nasty stomach flu. And man...when you have a kid that's "failure to thrive" to start with, and when they barf out the contents of their stomach, there just isn't much to fall back on. So the poor boy was so dehydrated and exhausted that he almost had to go into the hospital a couple of times. He was so lethargic that he could not stand up, lift up an arm, or even his head. He had to be carried to the bathroom for the ONE time a day that he would go. It was scary and horrific and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He woke up Thursday night the 7th in the middle of the night barfing and it took him until Sunday the 16th to be "back to normal." It was a long road. Even though he stopped barfing relatively early on, he just had no energy. I sent him back to school the following Tuesday and got a call about 1:00pm that he was laying down on the cement during play time. ...and off to pick him up! He never did make it through a whole day of school that entire week. Very, scary.

And then, the following Thursday, when The Boy was still recovering, I went in to get The Girl from her crib in the morning and she informed me that all of her friends were "wet." Yup, wet cause she had barfed on them at some point during the night. It almost pushed me over the edge. But fortunately she handles sickness better than her brother and that morning she was drinking water and eating Ritz Crackers. And although things did come out the other end of her all weekend long, that is MUCH preferable to me than barf. I freaking hate barf.

So it was a really long two weeks. Add to that some anxiety issues I was having worrying about The Boy and frankly...things weren't too fun in our house. But I am happy to report that everyone seems relatively healthy right now (knock on wood!) and we are all doing better.

*********************

For updating perspective, The Girl has found her opinion. On EVERYTHING!!! She now insists on picking out her own shoes in the morning. She has songs that she loves to hear in the car, and other songs that she screams, "Turn it OFF! I no like it!!!" Certain clothes she will wear perfectly happy one day and then the next day she acts like they are burning her skin if they come into contact with her. She declares food, "Dis is great! I love it!" and then, "I no like this one. Dis one is bad." She has certain crayons that she likes better (colors) than others, she has certain cars that are better to play with than others, she has certain movies that she enjoys and others that she hates and will make watching them miserable for anyone who tries to enjoy them (especially her brother).

She is definitely two. And more often than not, she is a joy to be around. But when she isn't? Man... Her brother has NEVER once made half the stink she has in his entire life. Yesterday we were buying new shoes for her at a department store and she thought it was hysterical to run away from me and hide. I did not find this quite as amusing. I told her several times to stop and stay with Mommy. When she didn't, and it was time for me to pay (therefore not allowing me to chase her all over creation), I put her in the stroller and strapped her in. She threw such a fit and screamed so loud that I thought she was going to shatter glass. I was totally "that mom" with "that kid." So we left. And then she was fine. I would say she is wonderful about 70% of the time right now and a nightmare about 30% of the time. I guess those are decent odds for a 2 year old?

The Boy's newest obsession is tracing paper and tracing pictures out of his books. He is a complete perfectionist and he tries to draw [insert random object here] and if it isn't 100% exactly how he wants it to look then he bursts into tears and tells me he's a horrible boy. It's fun--NOT. So in order to get him to have more successful experiences than not, I bought him some tracing paper and that seems to be doing the trick. He has spent probably four hours total tracing and coloring since I bought the pad yesterday. Success.

And the thing he is tracing most often? His newest love: Dinosaurs. He has officially gone through all the "typical" boy loves: Thomas the Train, Cars, Bob the Builder, Spiderman, Bugs, and now dinosaurs. (Although he still loves him some bugs). But he loves anything dinosaurs now. So in addition to my new found knowledge of the difference between a Draco lizard and a Basilisk Lizard, I can now tell you the different between Spinosaurus and Diplodocus. If I were a 5 year old I would RULE!

And as for me? I've just been trying to get through the days. Things are getting better now and I am feeling more like myself, but man...the past few weeks have been rough. Here's hoping we can finish up summer on a happy (& healthy) note. And here's hoping I will get back to writing on the blog. I miss it.

How Did This Happen?!?!

Last weekend I got a packet in the mail from my son's new kindergarten. I got all giddy with excitement as I saw the return address and the large size of the package. I had a brief moment of, I did it! I actually got him into a school I am excited about! This is going to be so great...

...and then I opened the package. And proceeded to pretty much have a complete panic attack. There are so many forms and contracts and emergency cards and handbooks and rules and lists and... I could seriously go on and on. Now I should mention that none of this stuff is "bad." It's all good. I still have complete warm fuzzies about the school. But it just all feels so...grown up? My kid is old enough to be in school. Like real, honest-to-god school. With carpool lines and volunteering hours and fundraising and just so much STUFF. He can't possibly be old enough for that, can he? Isn't he my little baby with the cute red hair? Wasn't he just born, like last week?

As I was putting this post together I went on a little photo journey. And then I thought you guys might like to go along with me. So here we go...

My baby. Fresh out of the womb. January 5, 2006:

Shortly after getting home from the hospital. Still totally in that "yoda-baby" phase...
(and then we jump forward because the pictures from his first year are all on my old computer and I didn't want to take the time to transfer them all right now...)

Here he is almost 2 years old...helping to decorate for Christmas:
And then a few months later...his first trip to Disneyland (he was just over 2 years old):
Then a year later...I believe he was three in this picture... Certainly getting to be a bigger boy, but still tiny enough to fit his whole little self in my bathroom sink...
And then the following year...becoming a bigger boy, but not too big to give in to the car-ride-naptime...
...and then last year...in his "all things Buzz Lightyear" phase...
...and then finally this past weekend at the zoo...

Somewhere along the line my baby went and grew up on me. He's getting ready to start kindergarten. He is a big boy, that is going to go to school Monday through Friday and he's going to have field trips and "Kids Night Out's" and new friends and new experiences...and he will be in the same school with the same kids from now until he gets ready to go to middle school.

And really...it is all just a lot to swallow. I am not sure if I'm ready for this. But I guess that isn't the important thing. The important thing is that he IS.

How We Celebrate Father's Day in Our House

You might think that because I am a single mom, and both of the known donors for my kids live out of state, that we don't do much for Father's Day around here. You would be wrong. :)

Let's just set aside the fact that I have a Father who needs to be dealt with, and I also have a step father who acted as a father to me from 8 years old until now...and that I always make sure both of them get their time. But I have been asked how we handle the "Daddy" issue since most people know I am gay and that my kids don't have "Dads" in their lives in the traditional sense. Now that my kids are old enough to be at school, most schools do something to acknowledge Father's day. And being that my kids go to great schools, the directors of both of their schools have come to me at separate times and asked how I would like them to handle it. And obviously based on their ages, they get handled a little differently.

My daughter's donor Dad really is just that. A donor. I am sure he is a perfectly great guy, but I have only met him in person 4 times total. The first two times he was...ummm...giving me a donation. The second two times were once my daughter was born and he was in town visiting the friend that introduced us. He has met my daughter once when she was about 6 months old. He has 4 kids of his own from previous marriages and he moved across the country so we rarely see him. He has said that if The Girl ever wants to meet him (I'm sure she will) that he is totally open to that. He is on the list of the people who get my monthly pictures so he sees her there, and is kept up to date. But we don't actually talk, and he isn't involved in her life at this point. All of this is perfectly fine with me. Until she starts asking questions, this is just how it should be.

For that reason, when her school is doing something "Dad related" she either makes something for me, or else she makes something for her Poppy (my step dad, with whom she is really close). Again, she's too little to ask too many questions, but I have no doubt they are coming.

The Boy is a different story. I am sure I have talked about it on here before, but he is old enough to understand and know everything. He knows his Daddy helped me and his mom bring him into this world. He knows that his Daddy lives in another state. He knows that his Mom and I are his parents but he loves the fact that he is able to say he has a Daddy. This is a really big identity thing for him and he almost needs to have that security of having a Daddy.

His donor Daddy also lives in another state, and he comes to see The Boy once a year, maybe twice. He always comes to visit when he is here and the love that The Boy has for him is something that I will never be able to describe. Ever since he was a baby, it was like he knew that they had a special relationship. He only saw his "Daddy" a handful of times when he was little, but even when he was a baby and stranger danger was a big thing, he would always go to him. Even though he had only seen him a couple of times in his life. It was strange.

That bond has only grown. He talks about his Daddy, and after a visit, he talks constantly about how he misses him. We discuss it all and he knows he can call him whenever he wants...and sometimes he wants to. Sometimes just talking about it is enough. But there is no doubt that he loves having a Daddy and he loves the person as well.

So when it comes time for Father's Day, we always do a little something. In years past I have always bought a card, I always write a detailed letter about what he is up to, and in previous years, I have also taken tons of video footage and made him a "movie" on iMovie and burned it on a DVD and sent it to him. I know...overkill. But whatever. It makes donor Daddy happy, and it keeps things happy so that my son (and ultimately who I am concerned about keeping content) can keep the relationship that he so counts on. Now that he is older, I have him draw a picture, sign the card and then make sure to call him on the day. I rarely have time anymore to make a specific video for him, but like the other donor Daddy, he also gets the monthly pictures (and trust me...there are a lot of those...you pretty much get kept up to date on ALL of our lives if you get those pictures) so he knows what's going on.

When The Boy's Daddy was here visiting in April, he gave left a gift card for To.ys R U.s to use for him when he needed something fun. As I mentioned in a previous post, we recently bought him a bike and we used this gift card to help with the purchase. So that will be a big part of what gets mailed to him this year. When making the card, The Boy asked me to write out, "I love my Daddy" on a piece of paper so he could copy it. I was amazed at how well he actually wrote it:

His hand writing is getting pretty good! And then on the inside of that, he drew a picture of himself, on the gray sidewalk, against the blue sky with his new bike. He was very proud of his artwork. And he did this one all on his own. No copying anything from Mommy:
So he will get that hand-written card, the store bought card that I bought for him and had The Boy sign, a letter that I will type up, and the following pictures showing The Boy enjoying the bike that his Daddy helped him get.

So as you can see...just because we don't have any "Daddy's" living in our household, I am the first to admit that without either of those men, I wouldn't have the two greatest gifts in my life. And even though I am pooped and tired at the end of a long day, I will always take the time to make sure that those relationships stay nurtured and happy. Because ultimately I think all kids want to know where they come from. And I am grateful that my son has someone he can call on the phone and give a hug to and know that, although he has two Mommies as parents, he also has a Daddy that loves him. ***

***Disclaimer: Of course I have to mention that I am in no way insinuating that having a known donor is the only way to go for kids. I personally tried to get pregnant for 3 years using frozen sperm and if any of those tries had been successful, all my son would have for reference of his "Daddy" would be a long donor profile. Every single family is different, and if you are lucky enough to have kids, whatever way you went about having them is your answer. My personal feeling is to just always be honest with your kids no matter how they came into existence. This situation is what "worked" for my family and therefore I make decisions based on the circumstances of that situation.