When Sickness Gets In the Way

This has been a rough winter in terms of illnesses in my house. Up through the end of January, we were all pretty healthy. Then I got sick...and more sick...and STILL sick...and amazingly enough, through all of that my kids stayed pretty healthy. Then once I finally finished my second round of antibiotics and started to feel better, the kids got sick.

So The Girl was doing great with her potty training and even used the potty at her school all day on Monday of last week. Then on Tuesday? Sick. Like fever of 102 sick... And she had no desire to get up and use the potty. And I didn't blame her. So I let her go back into diapers until she was better. She was really sick all week long (home with me 3 days) and then again on the weekend so she hasn't really been working on it. Finally yesterday she felt better and wore her undies all day long (even to a trip to the grocery store where she attempted to use their potty twice...unsuccessfully...) and stayed dry. But today when she went to school she wanted a diaper. So we went with it.

So potty training? Still a work in progress...but we're getting there. As I mentioned, I have a deadline set for the end of her spring break, so up until then I am going to let her lead the charge. But once we hit spring break and she's home with me for a week? It's all undies all the time! And no going back.

Other than that we had a lovely, relaxing weekend. The girlfriend was around so that was nice. Speaking of, that is still going well. We actually hit the six months of dating mark sometime last week. Amazing how fast it goes... I am keeping things pretty casual...I don't have any desire to jump into a big, heavy relationship so things are very mellow and fun right now. And I am enjoying that.

The Boy is growing up so fast. He is such a big kid. It still amazes me. He is very into anything "Super Hero" right now. And amusingly enough...The Ex has him into all of the old-school cartoons that we watched as a kid. So right now he is into Scooby Doo and He-Man and the regular Spiderman and Batman stuff. But he loves him some super heros. He is also doing great in his art class. He did a water color last Thursday that I think is beautiful and I am going to get it framed. He loves to write and draw and lately has been writing his own "books" which he is very proud of. He is loving learning to read and is still absolutely in love with his school.

And blissfully, the kids have reached the stage where they LOVE to play together. They are best little friends and I find it adorable. They run into one of their rooms and make up a game and play it for hours. Or they will go outside together and play... The Girl is so verbal that they are really at a similar level of playing and the result is the most adorable friendship. Longtime readers of my blog know that I really struggled with the idea of having a second child on my own. There have been countless times lately where I have been doing something and stopped to listen to my kids play together and smiled and thought, "That. That right there is why I did this." And I know that I absolutely made the right decision. Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

How's This for a Welcome Back?

When you fall off your blog for so long...what becomes the topic that finally forces you to write a post again? Was it your son's 6th birthday? Nope. That came and went. Was it the greatest sickness that I have ever personally endured? Nope. I lived and it was far too boring to write about. Was it The Boy losing his first tooth? Nope. But the fairy took care of that so all was well. Was it all the amazing changes that are going on with my business? Nope. Far too busy working to write...

My daughter woke up this morning and told me that she didn't want me to put a diaper on her. She wanted to go sit on the potty. Ummm...okay, sure. So I went and put her little potty in the living room in front of her favorite show and she sat down and chilled for a little bit. She has done this countless times and never produced anything so I wasn't really thinking about it when she told me, "I did it! I pee-peed in the potty!" I went over expecting to find a few drops but she had fully peed. Now that has certainly never happened before!! We did all the hugging and the dancing and celebrating and may have even called a grandparent...and then she got the treat of her choice (a fruit roll up--at 10:00 in the morning. It sorta disgusted me, but whatever, this was her deal...) and sat down all proud of herself and ate it.

She had one accident after that when she put on pants and socks and shoes and went outside with brother. But after that she has spent the day inside in a long sleeved shirt and undies. And she went over the peed again. All on her own! Just came over, all casual like, and was like, "yeah Mommy...I went pee pee again. Let's flush it so I can have my treat!" And so we did.

So I thought it was a bit strange when not 20 minutes later she came into my bedroom and told us that she had done "dat yucky thing" in the potty. I was like, "what did you put in the potty?" Anyway, after some investigation it was discovered that she pooped in the potty! Holy crap! Just went out there and sat down and pooped. Like she's been doing it all her life. Crazy.

I should clarify that I in no way am under the impression that it is this easy and that my daughter is now potty trained. But this is a huge step for her. Huge. She turns three in a month... My big girl.

I Need Your Help

It's very rare that I put out a plea on the Internet for help with an issue with my kids, but I am at a loss. If any of you out there have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it. Here's the situation:

My daughter has decided that going to bed at night is for the weak. She's just not into it. At all. She's not in her crib anymore (since she was crawling out of it and hurting herself) and she goes to bed fine and lovely. We do our normal night time routine: we read a couple of books, brush our teeth, and head to bed. She gets some time to be in her room with a flashlight to play with toys or read in her bed, and then after I get The Boy in bed, I go back in, take the flashlight, sing her a song and say goodnight. And then she goes to sleep.

Or at least that is how it used to go. Now, we do all of the above steps, but once I leave her room she gets back up. She will mess around in her room for a few minutes, but then I hear her door open, and she "sneaks" down the hall, goes into her brother's room and tries to talk to him. This is somewhat tolerable when we are talking 8:30 and 9:00 at night. But when this is occurring at 11:45 and midnight...it is NOT okay. Her brother goes to sleep like he always has and then he gets woken up. If for some reason I am in the living room and don't hear her "escaping" then he has to come and tell me she woke him up and we start the process all over again. But of course then the poor boy has been woken up. Fortunately he can go pretty much right back to sleep, but with her...it never ends.

So here is what I have tried. I went out and bought those "baby-proof" door handles so that she can't open her door. That worked for about a week. I would not start the night with it on her door (because I want to give her the option of making good choices), but after the third time she got up, I would put the handle on her door. Each time I take her back to her room I tell her that it is time for bed and when she screams at me that she isn't tired, I explain she doesn't have to sleep, but she does have to stay in her room because the rest of the house wants to sleep. She would usually respond to that by kicking her door as hard as she could to get out because she couldn't open it. Until last night. Last night she figured out if she puts her little fingers into the holes of the door handle in a certain way she can pop it off. So that no longer works. Unfortunately that means I can no longer put one of those handles on the outside of her brother's door so that she doesn't wake him.

I have also tried to let her take her "game" (iPod Touch) to bed with her. I am not proud of this parenting decision because I don't want her to get into that habit. But if the issue is that she is honestly not tired, and she will stay in her bed watching a PBS show until she falls asleep I was willing to let it happen. Even that doesn't help. I tried that last night and her iPod lost the battery at around 11:30 (and she had already gotten up about 5 times prior to that) and she went postal and tried to terrorize the entire house. I then put her back in her bed with a flashlight and tell her that she can read a book. I let her pick out a few books but then she screams, "I don't WANT to read a book!!" and then proceeded to take each and every book out of her bookshelf and throw it at her door. That was fun.

The only thing that seems to "work" (and I put that in quotes because I don't think this is the long term solution), is to make sure she does NOT take a nap during the day. If that is the case, by bed time she is physically so tired that after about three or four of these fights she usually is so tired she falls asleep (of course it is usually in the middle of her floor or right behind her door; not in her bed). But then she makes my life a living hell between the hours of 3:00pm and 8:00pm because she is exhausted. She's two years old. I really don't think she is ready to get rid of her naps yet. Yesterday she actually came to me at about 3:30 and said, "I am going to go lay down in my bed Mommy," and she did. She walked to her bed, layed down and went straight to sleep. I let her sleep until 4:30 and then woke her up (also not fun because she still wants to sleep so she is a bear when I force her to wake her up before she is ready). So she only got one hour of napping yesterday. And I was in tears last night at midnight because I was out of solutions and so tired I wanted to die.

What she would like is to take a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day (like a normal 2 year old), and then be up until midnight. That is just not an option. I get up everyday with my kids no later than 6:30am so on most nights, I am in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00pm. This new schedule is slowly sucking the life out of me. And I don't think I need to spell it out that when I am exhausted I am not the best parent that I could be.

I just don't know how to deal with this. Anyone have any advice? Have you ever had a similar situation with your kid? If so...how did you deal with it? What am I doing wrong? For the love of God...WHY WON'T MY KID SLEEP ANYMORE?!?!?! HELP!!

Happy Holidays

It's a holiday in our household today so I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season, and here are some of the pictures from the kids' holiday photo shoot... I may have already shown you some of these but if not, enjoy! Have a wonderful day everyone!

Apparently There Is A Limit to My Crankiness...

This past week has been ROUGH you guys. Trying to work AND take care of two kids simply doesn't work. It just plain doesn't. I can either work properly, or I can take good care of my kids...but I can't do both of those things at one time. So this week has been crazy and I am not proud to say that I haven't been the most patient parent in the world as of late. In fact for most of this week my children have literally been driving me out of my mind.

But then tonight I put The Girl to bed and then I put The Boy to bed in their respective rooms and went into my bathroom to take off my makeup. I hear my daughter open her door, walk out and pause a little bit in front of my room to see if I am looking at her (I am not, but can see her through my bathroom mirror) and then "sneak" into her brother's room. I have his monitor on so I turn it on and see her hop up on his bed, give him a hug and lay down on her tummy with her ankles in the air watching her brother do something with Spiderman. They whispered because they didn't think that I knew she was in there. They sat together for about 15 minutes before The Boy couldn't stand it (he's definitely my honest one) and he came out and told me that The Girl was in his room but could they please please please spend some more time together? He was teaching her how to not be afraid in the dark and he was going to go get her Kitty (her lovey) for her. I said sure and he ran off. A few minutes later I went in there and they were both laying together on his bed under the covers and asking if they could have a sleepover.

Let me reiterate...there has probably not been more than a handful of moments in the entire last week that I thought these two were cute. They have both been "on my list" all week long. And yet...even I couldn't resist the adorable brother/sister bonding that was going on. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we don't have to be anywhere until 4:00pm. It's a perfect night for their first ever sleepover in our house (they have slept together in other places before, but never at home). So I blew up the aero bed, put the sheets on and they each made their own part of the bed. She chose her pillow pet, her kitties (2 of them), her blanket, her stuffed frog and a spiderman figure. He chose his pillow pet, his Lambie (like her kitty; a lovey), a flashlight, a blanket and three spiders. Oh, plus another Spiderman figure to battle his sister. I took a picture of the cuteness, turned off the lights, and slipped out to leave them. I will never know what they talk about or what they do in there tonight, and I shouldn't. This is just between the two of them.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Pray for Me

Today is the last day...for more than two loooong weeks, that either of my children have any sort of school or daycare. It's going to be a LOT of togetherness. I mean I do feel lucky and joyful to spend this wonderful time of year with my two children... But dear God. It's a really long freaking time. Let's have a couple of pictures of them during the season while I still like them... Happy Friday!

Bullets

The time just keeps going so quickly that I never have time to sit down and write a proper post anymore. So I'm going to catch us up quickly since I haven't written since Thanksgiving.

• My daughter is a huge pain in the ass. Seriously. I adore her more than life itself but DEAR GOD with the attitudes and the tantrums and the bossy behavior... It's a miracle some days that I have made it through the evenings with her.
• On the flip side of that...oh my God is she so freaking cute right now. She LOVES any and all things Christmas. She asks for the songs in the car and knows them by heart and sings them at the top of her lungs. We took her to see some lights last night and she kept running around going, "And anodder kissmas tree...and ANODDER...and wait! LOOK! There's frosty..." It was perhaps the sweetest genuine love of Christmas I have seen in the long time.
• The Boy has attitude as well. Seems like teenager attitude...like blatantly ignoring me when I ask him to do something. Taking his own sweet time to do that things he actually does. And generally thinking he's MUCH cooler than he actually is.
• But again...he's so sweet right now. Is reading at school and I volunteer in his class and read with all the kids so he is trying SO hard right now to master reading. He loves, loves, loves all things school and I will say (again) what an amazing school he goes to. He's still my little science boy and my little helper.
• Job thing is a bit crazy with the transitions to working with a partner coupled with normal end-of-year activities and my heart is palpitating a little trying to figure out how to fit it all in.
• One of my very wealthy clients let me go to his beach house over the weekend for a night. I will say it was like NOTHING I have ever seen before. Most beautiful house that perhaps I have ever set foot inside and I actually got to spend the night. Right on the private beach with the most amazing view you have ever seen. I went with the kids and The Girlfriend and it was awesome. While eating breakfast in the morning at the big, oak table in front of a burning fire we were watching the surfers and the waves break outside the window. And as we were watching a school of dolphins swam by. Swear to God. Even have pictures to prove it. It was a pretty surreal moment.

And we'll end on that because I have to run out to pick up The Girl from school, The Boy from his OT and then bring them home, throw them in the bath and get their dinner started before The Ex gets here to watch them. Because at 6:00 I am going out for drinks and sushi with my BFF. Will try and do a proper post soon! Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday!

The Epic Tantrum

The girl is a piece of work right now in terms of tantrums. They come out of seemingly nowhere and go like a tornado and then stop as quickly as they started. Once they are over I am able to appreciate the comic value in them, but during them? Man...it is exhausting.

We have had three of these in the past 2 weeks or so, which I guess isn't bad odds, but since I literally just got done dealing with one I thought it would be a good time to tell all the internets about my horrendous daughter. :)

As usual, this one started with no good rhyme or reason. She woke up fine...pleasant even, and after changing her diaper she jumped up on my bed to watch her show and have her milk (her normal morning routine). For whatever reason, she decided that she didn't want that particular show and started demanding a different one. Of course I told her no because...well because she was being ridiculous. She gets to watch PBS in the morning and she gets whatever happens to be on that channel at the time she starts to watch. But apparently since the days of DVR's she feels that if she doesn't like the particular episode at the time she should be able to demand a different one.

So when I told her no, it started. She started screaming at me to put another one on RIGHT NOW! And when I calmly told her no for the fourth time she took her milk and threw it at me. I walked over to it and picked it up and told her, "okay now you don't get your milk. We don't throw things." She I went into the kitchen to put her milk up on the counter and she followed me around for at least 10 minutes crying and screaming at me. While all of this is happening I was telling her "10 minutes until we get dressed...5 minutes until we get dressed...getting dressed in 2 minutes..." Of course she was yelling NO!! every time I would say that. So when it was time, I took her in and she went postal. And she's strong!! I was able to take her jammies off, but when I went to put her shirt on she screamed and twisted and pulled so hard on her shirt that she actually ripped the seam. So rather than KILL HER, I walked out of the room. So she was on her changing table in just a diaper. She got off the changing table and came into my room where I was putting on my makeup SCREAMING at me. I should note that this is not just some annoying toddler cry she is doing. She is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs like someone is trying to put her toe nails out. So while I was putting on my makeup she walked over to me, picked up a toy clock that was on the floor and hit me in the leg with it as hard as she could. Charming, isn't she?

So she was grabbed by the arm, told in an extremely forceful tone that we don't hit and pulled into her room where the door was shut behind her for a time out. So then she proceeded to stand in there, again SCREAMING, and also kicking her door as hard as she could. And then crying even harder because apparently it hurts to kick your door with all of your might with nothing on your feet. I left her in there for a few while I finished putting on my makeup and trying to get The Boy ready at the same time (aren't mornings fun!?!?). When I went back in, she had been trying to rip off her diaper and had basically shredded the entire thing into tiny pieces on her floor. And then she had peed on them for good measure.

I managed to get another diaper on her but there was no chance that the clothes were going to make it on over the tantrum. And at this point it is time to go. I'll be damned if The Boy is going to be late to school simply because his sister is being an asshole, so I grabbed her clothes and shoes, put them all in a bag along with her milk, and loaded up the car. When I went back to get her she started yelling at me that I needed to get her dressed. I reminded her that I had tried to do that...TWICE, and that she had made the choice for that not to happen.

"I need to have my clothes on..." she sobbed.

Bummer. No time for that now kid. So I scoop her up in her diaper and carry her out to the car and shove her into her car seat. I threw a blanket over her for good measure (I believe it was about 57 degrees outside at the time) and got in and started driving to her brother's school. She screamed and sobbed for about 5 minutes and then stopped.

All of a sudden she goes, "Mommy...there is a big white truck!"

And just that like, she's done. She was perfectly fine...the sweetest, most adorable version of herself. She goes, "Mommy...can I have my milk?" I handed it back to her and she said thank you and drank it nicely and handed it back to me. When we got to The Boy's school, I feel like an asshole in the car line because I have a naked 2 year old in the back of the car with her hair not combed at all (she is usually all spiffy when we drop brother off to school), and her face a snotty mess...she was looking special, let me tell you. I just smiled at his teachers and said, "It's been one of those mornings," and, like anyone who has kids, they just smile and pat me on the back and take The Boy.

As we were driving to her school she asks in her quietest, most sweetest voice ever, "Mommy...can you put my clothes on before I go into my school?" Sure. Can't think of anything I'd like better. So when we pull up I got her dressed in the car before I carried her in and apologized that they would need to do her hair, which of course they have no problem doing.

She runs up to me, throws her arms around me and says, "Good bye Mommy! Have a good day. Have fun with you clients!" and dashes off to play with her favorite teacher.

She's a piece of work. Someone please tell me this is just an age thing and not a personality thing because I can't even imagine how hard she is going to be as a teenager. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it. :)

Halloween in Pictures

The Boy decided that he wanted to be a dragon. Peanut, however was somewhat convinced that she wanted to be a "beautiful butterfly." However, when brother's costume arrived, she took one look at it and declared that she wanted to be a dragon like brother (shocking). So behold...my two dragons...

Aren't they scary?
And here they are trick or treating with their cousins on the big day. The Girl did great. She got scared a couple of times but she kept up mostly. Of course, The Boy got tired and ended up riding in the stroller, but I am sure that doesn't shock anyone (least of all me, which is why I brought the stroller in the first place). But they were old pros at the procuring of candy...
Sometimes her brother and her cousins ran ahead of Peanut so she hung with her Gigi. She was so cute going house to house holding her hand...
This pretty much sums up the evening...candy in the mouth and candy in the hands, and candy in the bag...
Hope everyone had a great Halloween. One of these days I will make time to give you all a proper post!

Now With Added Bonus

I posted here a while ago that Peanut was moving into a toddler bed. She was crawling out of her crib and hurting herself and it was just time. The transition was actually easier than I thought it was going to be. It helps that she can't open her door handle yet, so she can't get out of her room unless I open the door for her. But she LOVED her new "big girl bed." She was ALL about it. Check out the face...

The thing of note in this picture is that the crib is still sitting next to the toddler bed. I left that in there for at least a week, and it was actually quite helpful. Every time she wouldn't lay down to go to bed, I would point at the crib and say, "Do you want to go back to your baby crib? No? Well then lay down. If you don't lay down and go to sleep you have to go back to the crib..." And miraculously, this worked pretty well. After almost two weeks, it was time to get the crib out of the room. But before doing that, one has to snap a final picture of the crib sitting in the "nursery."
That crib has been up and in that spot for almost 6 years. It was kind of am emotional thing for me to take it down and put it away. I don't have any desires for more children, so not in that kind of a way, but in the way that the children I DO have are growing up. One is in school already...the other now has her own bed in her "big girl room." It seems like in just a few years they are going to be surly teenagers that only snarl at me as they walk down the hall. No longer my babies.

But once I got the crib down and moved her bed into its spot, I was thrilled with how big her room looked (it's a pretty tiny room). I had bought a little bin to put all of her toys and stuffed animal into and after all of that, there was so much room to play!
And this is what I am referring to in the title when I say "added bonus." I didn't realize that my daughter never played in her room. Neither did her brother for that matter. They always played in either his room, or in the living room with me. Now that her room is set up like this she plays in it ALL the time. She goes in and gets a book and sits on her bed to read it. Or she takes her baby dolls and/or stuffed animals and puts them in her bed, covers them and sings to them. She climbs up on her window seat and sits there with things she has collected around the house. She loves it. And sometimes The Boy joins her too. I have heard him saying to her recently, "Come on...let's go play in your room..." as they run down the hall. The other night, I was doing dishes and I realized it was silent. Since every mom knows that is never a good thing, I turned off the water and went to investigate. The Boy was in his room sitting on the floor playing with his dinosaurs, and The Girl was in her room playing with her dolls. It was the most surreal moment. Both of my children, playing happily in their own rooms. All in a different space. It was pretty glorious. And of course it lasted approximately 30 seconds because The Girl came barreling down the hall not two minutes later to tell me something. But still. It was there.

And the best thing of all? The Boy saying to her after brushing teeth, "Come on...let's go to your room and I will read you a story. We can sit on your bed together."

And then you get moments like these. And you aren't sad that your baby isn't in her crib anymore. You remember why every single stage is so damn awesome.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

My baby girl is stressing me out. See, she seems to think that she doesn't want to be a baby anymore. Apparently she didn't get the memo that this is Mommy's last baby and she needs to not grow up so damn quick.

About a week ago, when I was *attempting* to have her take her afternoon nap she had other plans. She didn't think napping was going to happen. So I went into her bedroom and took all of her toys out of her crib and told her to lay down and go to sleep. She begged for one toy to hold onto so I gave in and let her have it, but I told her if she wasn't laying down in 10 minutes then I was coming in and taking that one too. Fast forward 10 minutes and I was back in taking that final toy. She was not pleased. She screamed bloody murder for about 5 minutes and then it got silent. I was meeting with a client at the time so I was glad that she had finally gone to sleep. Or so I thought.

About 10 minutes later I turned on the video monitor to discover that she was no longer IN her bed. Not only that, but she had climbed out and was methodically placing every single one of her toys (that I had taken from her) back into her bed. When she finished that, she played in her room for another 40 minutes before she started knocking on her door to be let out please.

All this to say that she is now climbing out of her crib on a regular basis. However, she is not always so stealth as to make it happen in a safe manner. She wrecked her back this weekend on something...she has informed me that "I crawl out of my crib and I yand on my foot and now my foot is broken." (Drama much?) But either way, I went and bought her a toddler bed this weekend. I am having the new girl put it together for her tonight (one of the many benefits of dating!) so we will see how the transition goes...

*****************

Also, I think I may have mentioned once or twice on here that The Boy's new school is super expensive. :) I am so unbelievably happy with his school that there is no question that I will continue to come up with the money to send him there...but it is a stretch. So I have made another change. I have decided to send The Girl to school on Fridays as well so that I can work. I am super sad to have to make this happen. Not because I am lazy and don't want to work. But because in my head I had hoped to be able to have Fridays with my kids until they entered school. The plan was always to go back to a 5 day work week once they were in Kindergarten, but while they were little I wanted to enjoy one day a week with each of them.

Financially this just isn't a smart decision for me right now. So while I am sad that Peanut and I will not get to continue our Mommy/daughter days, I need to do what is right. And as an added aside, Peanut doesn't seem to appreciate our Mommy/daughter days either right now. Now that we drop off The Boy first in the morning (we used to drop her off first but his kindergarten starts earlier), she gets super mad if she isn't going to school next. So for the past few Friday's we have dropped The Boy off and instead of being happy to be going back home with Mommy, she cries the entire way home telling me, "I big girl too. I want to go to school like brother!" So now I guess she will get her wish. And I will pout sitting at my computer working without either of my babies with me.

Why does this all go so fast?

Pictures from Our Trip to the Mountains

This is my two babies playing on my very favorite lake in the whole world. And also the very same lake that I used to play in when I was their age...

A picture of said lake, sans children:
Wading in the water and throwing a ton of rocks = great time had by all!
My big boy...when did this happen?
A little love between Mommy and Peanut on the deck of my cabin:
Because, OF COURSE you have to read books in the house with your sunglasses on...
The Boy, The Ex and my cousin going on a boat ride:
Peanut, myself and my cousin enjoying a boat ride:
The Boy being goofy while we were out on the boat:
Peanut trudging through the "forest" (actually the way to the parking lot):
Look! The Boy caught a moth!
He was also obsessed with the stuffed quail of my grandfather's from inside the cabin:
Right before we left we went to a place to feed the fishies. They loved it!
Of course The Boy ran all the way around the little pond to make sure ALL the fish got some food...
Once they were out of food, they just sat and watched them...
Shortly after that, we headed home. Such a wonderful trip!

Hello!!

Since apparently the few readers that I still have are wondering if I'm alive and well, I feel like I should put a little something up here. And to answer that question, yes, we are all alive and well. Things are going great actually. It's been a busy summer and for once, I am trying to enjoy it and get away from the computer a little bit. As I have alluded to before, I went through a little rough patch in July but I am happy to say that things are much better and that thanks to a great therapist and the help of a pharmaceutical I feel better than I have in years. Depression is something I have struggled with on and off ever since college. I have been on anti depressants since that time, but went off of them both times when I had my kids. Shortly after The Boy was born, and around the time when my marriage fell apart, I went back on them. Then I weaned off again to get pregnant with The Girl and had been off them for 3 years since then. Well The Boy's repeated sicknesses and his battle with weight combined with the stress it takes to raise two kids by yourself, own your own business, and try and stay in your house during a horrific recession all stacked up against me and I hit a pretty low point. About the middle of July I decided it was time to go back on the meds. Best decision I have made in a long time. I feel like a new person. So if things have been quiet over here, that's pretty much why. Life was really overwhelming and then I had to deal with the inevitable side effects of going back on medication (all which have gone away at this point), and well... Here we are.

So enough of the depressing stuff. I will try and give you a quick rundown of what we've been up to. First let's start with The Boy. As I mentioned, he was really sick and lost a ton of weight and at our last gastro appointment (he gets weight checks every couple of months), I got "the look" from our doctor. He had not gained one ounce in over 6 months, and for a little dude like him, that is NOT good news. Our usual three month weigh-ins have been changed to monthly and when we go back in a couple of weeks, if there is no improvement we are going to have to put him back on an appetite stimulating medication.

I have been rethinking my stance on his food intake a lot recently. Up until lately my thoughts have been that since he puts SO little in his body in the first place, I need to make what actually goes in count. And because of that I make sure most of the things he eats are healthy and high in protein and/or carbs. I don't want him to load up on sugar just to get the calories and then crash down. So if he asked me for some Pringles or something I would usually say, "how about an apple," or "how about a string cheese." Now I am not so sure if this is the right method anymore. Maybe I just need to load him up on a ton of Oreos or something. I just don't know. But it sure is frustrating. It continues to be a work in progress.

Other than that he is doing great. He starts kindergarten at the Private Montessori school next week and he is super excited. This is his last week at his current preschool, which I LOVE, so I am sad about that. But if The Girl ever decides she will pee pee in the potty we can send her there, so hopefully we will see them again soon. He is still firmly in the dinosaur obsession and is also super into coloring and drawing right now. Still my happy little sweetheart that I love more than life.

The Girl is also doing good. I don't really know what to say about her except that she is a total character. She is so freaking funny, she makes me laugh all the time. She is also super stubborn and if she's in a mood? Watch out! But her language skills amaze me on a daily basis, her facial expressions are priceless and watching her dance is one of my favorite pasttimes. I just adore that little girl. She has fire and she has spunk. I'll post some new pictures soon.

We took a wonderful vacation up to my cabin in the mountains a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing. I have been going to that cabin since I was 2 and to now get to see my kids fall in love with it? Really an emotional experience. My son slept in the bunk bed that I always slept in. Both of my kids instantly fell in love with sitting in the river throwing rocks. They both talked all about the nature and the lakes and going out in the boat... It really filled up my emotional tank spending that time with them. Again, once I get home, I will post some pictures from that for you all to see. (I'm blogging at work...ssshhhh...don't tell).

On a totally personal note, when I was in the midst of the depression crap I had a hard time eating and as a result lost about 15 pounds. I have kept it off and added a few more to the loss column, so I am looking much better than I have in a few years. I have actually had to go out and buy some new clothes. But between that, and my meds, I feel great. And I have actually put myself out there on a couple of online dating sights. It's fun emailing and getting to know new people although I haven't gone out on any actual dates yet. But it's fun and for the first time in years, I feel like I am actually doing something for me. And that's nice. So there's that. :)

So that's what's been going on lately. I am going to try and get back into blogging again and keep you all up to date on how The Boy's new school goes as well as the other crazy escapades of our lives. If you are still here and still reading, thanks! Hope everyone had a great summer!

Greetings!

It's been almost a month since I last posted. Lots of things going on over here keeping me away from the blog. The first thing was that The Boy got another nasty stomach flu. And man...when you have a kid that's "failure to thrive" to start with, and when they barf out the contents of their stomach, there just isn't much to fall back on. So the poor boy was so dehydrated and exhausted that he almost had to go into the hospital a couple of times. He was so lethargic that he could not stand up, lift up an arm, or even his head. He had to be carried to the bathroom for the ONE time a day that he would go. It was scary and horrific and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He woke up Thursday night the 7th in the middle of the night barfing and it took him until Sunday the 16th to be "back to normal." It was a long road. Even though he stopped barfing relatively early on, he just had no energy. I sent him back to school the following Tuesday and got a call about 1:00pm that he was laying down on the cement during play time. ...and off to pick him up! He never did make it through a whole day of school that entire week. Very, scary.

And then, the following Thursday, when The Boy was still recovering, I went in to get The Girl from her crib in the morning and she informed me that all of her friends were "wet." Yup, wet cause she had barfed on them at some point during the night. It almost pushed me over the edge. But fortunately she handles sickness better than her brother and that morning she was drinking water and eating Ritz Crackers. And although things did come out the other end of her all weekend long, that is MUCH preferable to me than barf. I freaking hate barf.

So it was a really long two weeks. Add to that some anxiety issues I was having worrying about The Boy and frankly...things weren't too fun in our house. But I am happy to report that everyone seems relatively healthy right now (knock on wood!) and we are all doing better.

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For updating perspective, The Girl has found her opinion. On EVERYTHING!!! She now insists on picking out her own shoes in the morning. She has songs that she loves to hear in the car, and other songs that she screams, "Turn it OFF! I no like it!!!" Certain clothes she will wear perfectly happy one day and then the next day she acts like they are burning her skin if they come into contact with her. She declares food, "Dis is great! I love it!" and then, "I no like this one. Dis one is bad." She has certain crayons that she likes better (colors) than others, she has certain cars that are better to play with than others, she has certain movies that she enjoys and others that she hates and will make watching them miserable for anyone who tries to enjoy them (especially her brother).

She is definitely two. And more often than not, she is a joy to be around. But when she isn't? Man... Her brother has NEVER once made half the stink she has in his entire life. Yesterday we were buying new shoes for her at a department store and she thought it was hysterical to run away from me and hide. I did not find this quite as amusing. I told her several times to stop and stay with Mommy. When she didn't, and it was time for me to pay (therefore not allowing me to chase her all over creation), I put her in the stroller and strapped her in. She threw such a fit and screamed so loud that I thought she was going to shatter glass. I was totally "that mom" with "that kid." So we left. And then she was fine. I would say she is wonderful about 70% of the time right now and a nightmare about 30% of the time. I guess those are decent odds for a 2 year old?

The Boy's newest obsession is tracing paper and tracing pictures out of his books. He is a complete perfectionist and he tries to draw [insert random object here] and if it isn't 100% exactly how he wants it to look then he bursts into tears and tells me he's a horrible boy. It's fun--NOT. So in order to get him to have more successful experiences than not, I bought him some tracing paper and that seems to be doing the trick. He has spent probably four hours total tracing and coloring since I bought the pad yesterday. Success.

And the thing he is tracing most often? His newest love: Dinosaurs. He has officially gone through all the "typical" boy loves: Thomas the Train, Cars, Bob the Builder, Spiderman, Bugs, and now dinosaurs. (Although he still loves him some bugs). But he loves anything dinosaurs now. So in addition to my new found knowledge of the difference between a Draco lizard and a Basilisk Lizard, I can now tell you the different between Spinosaurus and Diplodocus. If I were a 5 year old I would RULE!

And as for me? I've just been trying to get through the days. Things are getting better now and I am feeling more like myself, but man...the past few weeks have been rough. Here's hoping we can finish up summer on a happy (& healthy) note. And here's hoping I will get back to writing on the blog. I miss it.

The Grudge of a Two Year Old

We celebrated Father's Day with my Dad this year by going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and having a sleep over. It was only for kids older than 5, so it ended up being the three oldest grandkids and their father's (oh, and me). So The Boy and I did that on Sunday night. It was beyond awesome and deserves its own post (hopefully I will find the time to do that...). But it also happened to be the very first time I have left The Girl alone over night.

She was with my mom and step dad, which for her is as close to Mommy as one can get. She spent the afternoon and evening at their house and then they brought her home to sleep in her own bed. I was a bit nervous and was texting with my step dad throughout the evening while I was at the aquarium half expecting to have to excuse myself for a few moments to go into a corner and sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her over the phone. Much to my surprise (and happiness!) she fell sound asleep, didn't need to hear from Mommy at all, and slept the whole night through. It was a total success. I was pretty stoked.

Then yesterday afternoon when I went to pick her up from daycare I was SUPER excited to see her. Her daycare lady told me, "Man...she was missing you!" I said, "Really? She seemed fine according to my mom while I was gone..." and she said, "Oh no. She has spent all day long asking for Mommy and crying and just being super sensitive. She needed her Kitty (lovey blanket) several times and she NEVER asks for Kitty." So I gave her an extra squeeze and we headed home.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, she is obsessed with the movie Cars right now and she has a book that has all the characters in it. She was reading her book when I told her it was dinner time. She turned away from me and said, "No! I reading!" This isn't unusual for dinner time and I did what I always do. I told her she could finish reading after dinner and it was time to sit at the table and eat. I removed the book and carried her over to her booster seat and strapped her in and put her meal in front of her. She looked at me with her most defiant look and picked up her edamame and threw it at me.

So, again, I did what I always do. I turned her chair around to face the wall and removed her plate. She did what she always does and screamed. I let her sit there for a couple of minutes and asked her if she was ready to rejoin us for dinner. "NO!!" was the response. Okay then... So about 10 minutes passed and she told me she wanted to come back to the table. So I let her. She then said, "I want to read my book." I told her, again, that she was welcome to read her book after dinner, but right now it was dinner time. She started slamming her fists into the table and grabbing at her hair and actually pulling big clumps of it out. Clearly frustrated, but I have never seen the hair pulling before. A little alarming...

So I told her she could either eat dinner with the family, or she could go sit in her room and read her book there. She looked right at me, again with the defiant look, and said, "I go read my book in my room." I was beyond done with the arguing (keep in mind I had had about 3 hours sleep, it was 90 degrees in my house, and I hadn't had a shower in two days. I was not my best self...) so I took her book, and put her and the book in her crib. She stayed there for the rest of dinner. Didn't eat one bite of food.

After dinner it was bath time (they both needed baths badly with how hot it was) so I went in and told her that it was time to take a bath. She insisted she was taking her book with her. I told her no and pulled her out of the crib and put her on her changing table and began taking her clothes off. She actually ripped her shirt trying to keep it on because she didn't want the bath. When it was clear I was going to make her do it anyway, she hauled off and smacked me across the face. Oh HELL no! So I took her, just in her diaper, threw her back in her crib, slammed her door and walked out while she screamed bloody murder. I came out to the kitchen where my mother was (thank God she was still here...) and said, "Please. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. I am just done..."

So my mom went in, got her up, read her the book and then convinced her that she would continue reading it to her while she took her bath (I never would have thought of that). I finished the dishes while my mother was able to get her bathed without much drama. After the bath I checked back in (my own "time out" had done me good) and tried to put on her jammies. "NO! Not Mommy! Want Gigi do it!" And this went on until bed time. I honestly didn't know if she was just pissed that I left...or if she didn't feel good...if she was hungry...or if she was just being two. I was completely at a loss. Bedtime, fortunately went without much drama and she let me put her down. This morning, she seemed pretty normal, although a bit sensitive (crying over the fan being "too loud..." and not being able to bring her stuffed animals into daycare...etc...).

When I went to pick her up today they told me she had had a really rough day. She cried all day long if anyone touched her, or if she dropped her paper, and again...asked for her Kitty all day long. The director thought she was upset I left and that perhaps it would help if I would spend some time with her. I brought her home and did my best to play with her and keep things "light." Fortunately dinner time went well, and she actually ate dinner with us this evening. We went on a walk after dinner and she was her old self. As soon as we got back from our walk she casually came up to me and asked to be picked up. I picked her up and she immediately threw her arms around my neck and gave me a huge hug.

"I really glad you came back Mommy."

I looked her her (tears in my eyes) and said, "Honey...Mommy will always come back. I promise." She smiled, and took her little hand and patted the side of my cheek.

"I really really miss you Mommy."

I gave her a squeeze again and told her how much I had missed her too. And then she sat on my lap (unheard of for her) for 20 minutes and rubbed my leg.

Who knew that a two year old could comprehend all of this? And who knew that she could hold such a grudge? And who knew that she could be so sweet and expressive to be able to tell me that she was glad I was back and she missed me.

My god, how I love that little girl.

And I am SO beyond screwed when she is a teenager. Pray for me now.

How We Celebrate Father's Day in Our House

You might think that because I am a single mom, and both of the known donors for my kids live out of state, that we don't do much for Father's Day around here. You would be wrong. :)

Let's just set aside the fact that I have a Father who needs to be dealt with, and I also have a step father who acted as a father to me from 8 years old until now...and that I always make sure both of them get their time. But I have been asked how we handle the "Daddy" issue since most people know I am gay and that my kids don't have "Dads" in their lives in the traditional sense. Now that my kids are old enough to be at school, most schools do something to acknowledge Father's day. And being that my kids go to great schools, the directors of both of their schools have come to me at separate times and asked how I would like them to handle it. And obviously based on their ages, they get handled a little differently.

My daughter's donor Dad really is just that. A donor. I am sure he is a perfectly great guy, but I have only met him in person 4 times total. The first two times he was...ummm...giving me a donation. The second two times were once my daughter was born and he was in town visiting the friend that introduced us. He has met my daughter once when she was about 6 months old. He has 4 kids of his own from previous marriages and he moved across the country so we rarely see him. He has said that if The Girl ever wants to meet him (I'm sure she will) that he is totally open to that. He is on the list of the people who get my monthly pictures so he sees her there, and is kept up to date. But we don't actually talk, and he isn't involved in her life at this point. All of this is perfectly fine with me. Until she starts asking questions, this is just how it should be.

For that reason, when her school is doing something "Dad related" she either makes something for me, or else she makes something for her Poppy (my step dad, with whom she is really close). Again, she's too little to ask too many questions, but I have no doubt they are coming.

The Boy is a different story. I am sure I have talked about it on here before, but he is old enough to understand and know everything. He knows his Daddy helped me and his mom bring him into this world. He knows that his Daddy lives in another state. He knows that his Mom and I are his parents but he loves the fact that he is able to say he has a Daddy. This is a really big identity thing for him and he almost needs to have that security of having a Daddy.

His donor Daddy also lives in another state, and he comes to see The Boy once a year, maybe twice. He always comes to visit when he is here and the love that The Boy has for him is something that I will never be able to describe. Ever since he was a baby, it was like he knew that they had a special relationship. He only saw his "Daddy" a handful of times when he was little, but even when he was a baby and stranger danger was a big thing, he would always go to him. Even though he had only seen him a couple of times in his life. It was strange.

That bond has only grown. He talks about his Daddy, and after a visit, he talks constantly about how he misses him. We discuss it all and he knows he can call him whenever he wants...and sometimes he wants to. Sometimes just talking about it is enough. But there is no doubt that he loves having a Daddy and he loves the person as well.

So when it comes time for Father's Day, we always do a little something. In years past I have always bought a card, I always write a detailed letter about what he is up to, and in previous years, I have also taken tons of video footage and made him a "movie" on iMovie and burned it on a DVD and sent it to him. I know...overkill. But whatever. It makes donor Daddy happy, and it keeps things happy so that my son (and ultimately who I am concerned about keeping content) can keep the relationship that he so counts on. Now that he is older, I have him draw a picture, sign the card and then make sure to call him on the day. I rarely have time anymore to make a specific video for him, but like the other donor Daddy, he also gets the monthly pictures (and trust me...there are a lot of those...you pretty much get kept up to date on ALL of our lives if you get those pictures) so he knows what's going on.

When The Boy's Daddy was here visiting in April, he gave left a gift card for To.ys R U.s to use for him when he needed something fun. As I mentioned in a previous post, we recently bought him a bike and we used this gift card to help with the purchase. So that will be a big part of what gets mailed to him this year. When making the card, The Boy asked me to write out, "I love my Daddy" on a piece of paper so he could copy it. I was amazed at how well he actually wrote it:

His hand writing is getting pretty good! And then on the inside of that, he drew a picture of himself, on the gray sidewalk, against the blue sky with his new bike. He was very proud of his artwork. And he did this one all on his own. No copying anything from Mommy:
So he will get that hand-written card, the store bought card that I bought for him and had The Boy sign, a letter that I will type up, and the following pictures showing The Boy enjoying the bike that his Daddy helped him get.

So as you can see...just because we don't have any "Daddy's" living in our household, I am the first to admit that without either of those men, I wouldn't have the two greatest gifts in my life. And even though I am pooped and tired at the end of a long day, I will always take the time to make sure that those relationships stay nurtured and happy. Because ultimately I think all kids want to know where they come from. And I am grateful that my son has someone he can call on the phone and give a hug to and know that, although he has two Mommies as parents, he also has a Daddy that loves him. ***

***Disclaimer: Of course I have to mention that I am in no way insinuating that having a known donor is the only way to go for kids. I personally tried to get pregnant for 3 years using frozen sperm and if any of those tries had been successful, all my son would have for reference of his "Daddy" would be a long donor profile. Every single family is different, and if you are lucky enough to have kids, whatever way you went about having them is your answer. My personal feeling is to just always be honest with your kids no matter how they came into existence. This situation is what "worked" for my family and therefore I make decisions based on the circumstances of that situation.

Getting Ready for June 24th

If you don't have a 5 year old and a 2 year old in your house, you might not realize the significance of that date. However, in my house, my two children's ages coupled with the simple fact that I am totally Disney's bitch...has us on a living count down until Cars 2 comes out. The Boy is a HUGE fan of the first one (and I have to say I am too) and just recently The Girl has started watching it. She is now a huge fan as well. Here she is taking it all in...

Some people would say that my children are spoiled. And really, I would love to put up a good fight on that and say that they aren't...they really are. I will take the blame for some of it...but honestly the majority of it can be credited to Gigi. When my son gets obsessed with something (like the movie Cars for example), he needs to have ALL the little toys so that he can recreate the entire thing in his head. And for that to happen he has to have possession of ALL the cars in the movie. And while this starts out as just wanting to have a simple Lightening McQueen to take home and play with, soon we are buying MAC the truck and the little dude who does the tires... and before you know it we have the entire collection. This happened over 2 years ago for The Boy and when he moved onto his next obsession, I packed it up and put it in the garage.

So you can imagine their excitement when last week, we pulled out the DVD and started watching it again, and I went into the garage and returned with a complete set of ALL the cars for them to play with. The Boy said, "It's like Christmas!" And The Girl watched her brother take them all and line them up on the carpet in his room and proceed to create races.

She waited patiently for her turn. And this time, during this viewing...it was finally her turn...
She didn't do races like her brother. She had an entirely other thought process going on. For some reason she was stacking them onto top of one of her other toy boxes and trying to line them all up. I asked her what they were doing and she told me "parking." Huh. So he recreates the race...and she parks them. They march to their own drummers, those two...

Photo Friday

Apparently my brain can't handle putting together engaging and exciting posts right now, so we'll revert to a couple of photos...

This is Peanut wearing an outfit her great grandmother bought her for her second birthday. I asked her if I could take a picture of her fancy outfit to show her how beautiful she looked. She said, "Sure!" and ran over to the wall, turned and flashed a grin at me yelling "CHEESE!!"

You think she's used to me taking her picture? But really, how can you not? Look at that face...
Happy Friday!

Vacation Pics

Hi everyone! We had a fantastic second day on our little mini vacation. I am far too busy relaxing to put together a real post for you all, but I am never too busy to share a few photos... Here is The Boy when we finally went down to the beach last night after we got here. It was a little late in the evening (hence the heavy clothes), but The Boy was thrilled nonetheless to finally run some sand through his hands...
Peanut wasn't sure what to make of this whole thing we called "the beach." She had been to the beach before (in Hawaii when she was only 9 months old), but this was the first time she had been to the beach since she was old enough to comprehend what it was. As you can see...she was just taking it all in...
Then today we had a relaxing morning and then headed out to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. We have been many times before, but it is always a hit. Those of you who have been before will recognize this picture, but to those who haven't...this is a little tunnel type room made of glass where a "fake wave" comes over you every 30 seconds or so. The Boy has always loved it, but he also gets a little freaked each time the wave comes...as you can see from his face. :) (But trust me...he loves not only this exhibit, but the entire experience at the aquarium...)
Again, if you have visited the aquarium, you are aware of the obligatory clam shell picture...
Once back from the aquarium we headed back down to the beach for a little sand-play time...
The Boy was making sand angels...
And as you can see...once back from the beach, the kids had nice warm baths and had some dinner. I went and picked up some yummy Mexican take out and we hung out in the room tonight and we all enjoyed the relaxation. Especially Peanut...
Tomorrow we are going to hit the Boardwalk and do a little pool time. Then tomorrow night my mom and step dad (who will be driving down to join us tomorrow morning) are going out to a nice dinner. I might treat myself to a little room service, and perhaps even a glass of wine. And then sadly, on Saturday morning we have to check out and head back to reality. Such a wonderful time, I can't even tell you all. I needed this. No seriously. I really needed this. :)

PS--to my very astute commenter who wondered if we were staying at The Sand and Sea Inn... You were SO close. We are next door. We are here. :)