Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why My Mother Deserves A Medal

The Boy didn't have such a good potty training day at school today. He had one pee pee accident and one poop accident. As a result when my child was delivered to me, so were many plastic bags. One plastic bag contained The Girl's clothes (the people at her daycare enjoy "playing dress up" with her and therefore change her clothes just for the hell of it at least once a day), one bag contained two pairs of shorts; one wet and one dry, and one wet pair of undies. Then there was a third bag.

I smelled it before I opened it. I glanced over at my mom..."They must have rinsed it out before they sent it home, right?" She just smirked. I knew the answer to that question before the bag was even full open. No. No they did not rinse anything out.

This might be a good place to point out that my son is still taking Miralax (a mild laxative) and therefore he doesn't have a very...ummm...shall we say "formed," poop. So his little Lightening McQueen big boy pants had an entire poop just mushed all around inside of them. It only took one glance to understand that there was no dropping the contents into the toilet and cleaning the pants. One would have to physically take their hands and actually scrape the poop out of these undies and then somehow rinse them while in the water...I don't even know.

I looked over at my mother in HORROR, "What the hell am I supposed to do with these?" I asked. She just started laughing. "I mean, I am not rinsing them out in the kitchen sink!!" For some reason she found the entire thing amusing. I, however, was mortified.

I answered my own question. "I'll tell you what the hell I am going to do with these. I am throwing them out! Goodbye undies! May you rest in peace..." I said as I headed towards the outside garbage can.

"Don't throw out my undies Mommy!!!" comes this little voice. Um, yeah dude. You lost your vote in that equation when you blatantly CRAPPED in your pants!!!

And this is where my mother deserves her medal. She took the underwear from me, put on a pair of rubber gloves and headed toward the bathroom. I followed mostly because I honestly had no friggin idea of how she was going to handle these toxic things. She squatted down in front of the toilet and plunged them in. Then she took her hands and manually squeezed all the poop off the undies themselves into the toilet. Then she lifted the undies out of the toilet and flushed. Once it was done she plunged and did the same thing again.

She cleaned out his underwear.

She is a better woman than I.

1 comment:

AuntFancy said...

YUCK! Your mom is an absolute ROCK STAR! Not only does she deserve a medal, but a frickin' statue erected in her honor! And if there's a Mother Hall Of Fame, she'll be the first inductee. :)