Adventures In Potty Training

Yes, I know. The Boy is WAY too old to not be potty trained yet. I get it. That's why I haven't talked about it here before. Truth be told, I am a little embarrassed by this fact. It was one of the three goals I had before the baby was born. The other two being getting rid of his Binky (check) and moving him into a big boy bed (check again). Two out of three ain't bad.

But then he started stuttering. And all his doctors told me that I should not put any pressure on him at all. Then I went on bed rest. Then the stuttering got worse. Then I gave birth and brought a new sibling into the house. Excuses, excuses, I know. But seriously. The kid is three and a half. It is time.

So even though I have only been back working for two weeks, and even though I don't think it is possible for me to be more tired than I am right now...I decided it was time. This was the weekend. It needed to happen...

Okay if I am being totally honest, my ass got a kick start because last weekend all 6 grandkids got together at my Dad and stepmother's house and every single kid there was potty trained. Except for my kids. My daughter? She gets a pass; she's not even four months old. But when my niece and nephew both showed up in "big girl/boy pants" I knew I needed to make this happen. They are both a full year younger than my son. Ouch. Call it peer pressure, whatever, but it is time...

So I decided that we were going to stay home all weekend long and give it a shot. Today was the first day. The method I am using is to have the boy run around the house naked from the waist down (if he has any pants on at all, he just goes. He doesn't get the concept yet that some things are different from a diaper) and set the timer to go off every thirty minutes. Every time the timer goes off we sit on the potty and give it a shot. Sometimes we had no success at all. Sometimes we had a couple of drops, and twice we had full-on, real pee in the potty. Overall I think it was a pretty good day.

Here's the bad part.

I had just come from the doctor (damned clogged milk duct!!) and The Boy was just waking up from his nap. I took off his pull-up, set the timer and we went to try and use the potty. I don't think anything happened that time. I went and got him a big glass of water in his favorite cup to encourage drinking and therefore successful peeing. I was out in the kitchen on the phone when he came out and said, "Mommy, I spill my water."

"You spilled your cup honey? All of it?"

"No Mommy...just little bit. You clean it up?"

Now I know you are all thinking that it wasn't really water and that he had peed all over his room. You would be wrong...it WAS water...

And it was just a little bit of water. He pointed it out to me and it looked like the cup had fallen over for a minute and spilled a little but he had picked it up before much damage was done. So I was wiping up the water off the floor when he said...

"Mommy, while you cleaning dat, you clean da poop poop off my foot?"

!!!!!!!!!!

So yes, my son was kind enough to point out to me the small puddle of water on the floor, but he neglected to tell me about THE SHIT on the floor. Great. Looked like he had attempted a toot but got a little more than he bargained for. Of course I don't want to make him feel bad or freak out or anything so I tell him no big deal and to go and sit on the potty and see if he can finish. Meanwhile I get the wipes out and clean off his foot, the toilet seat, the bean bag chair, the floor, the step stool to get to the toilet...you get the idea. It was at this time that I hear my precious little daughter in the living room just BLOW ONE. Like a huge poop. And I just knew...

So I left The Boy with a book on the potty and went out to the living room to find The Girl laying in shit. It had gone all the way up her back, all over her outfit and all over the blanket she was laying on. But she was smiling about it. Of course she was. So I pick her nastiness up and take her to her room to clean her up but of course the wipes are in the bathroom with The Boy so I am holding her again to go and fetch the wipes and in the process get shit all over my shirt and my arms. I Fetch the wipes and take her back to her room, clean her up, get a new outfit and while I am standing there stripping my own shirt off I set her down in her crib and go into my room to find a new shirt.

This is where you think I am making this up because it seems just a little too much...but I assure you. I am not making this up. I wish I were.

And as I cross the threshold into my room I stepped in a nice, warm, chunky pile of cat barf.

Seriously.

And that about wraps my day up. Hope yours was better.