Baby Brain Attacks!

Hi everyone!  I keep thinking about my blog and wanting to update it.  But then the overwhelming feeling comes over me of what to write about.  Of course I want to do the birth story, and also somehow capture these first few days of being home and the emotions that go along with it.  But I definitely have pregnancy brain and since I can't seem to put things down in the manner that I feel is competent I am just going to get a few things up here via bullet point and try to sort out the "good" stuff later.

• Breast feeding.  I never breast fed The Boy.  I pumped and he had exclusive breast milk for the first six months of his life.  I never felt slighted by this or disappointed in myself.  I wanted him to have the milk, but also let The Ex experience all the points of motherhood.  So I did it.  But I was tied to that damn pump and never able to be away from my house for long periods of time.  I wanted to give the actual breast feeding a shot this time.  I LOVE IT.  I am lucky that The Girl seems to have a good latch and we seemed to have fallen into a rhythm without a lot of the problems others experience.  I will go more in depth about this later.  When the doctor told me I needed to supplement her (she lost more than a pound after birth) and I hooked up the ole pump to get milk to supplement her, I was SHOCKED by my reaction.  I hated it.  I didn't want anything to do with it.  I never felt that way with The Boy.  But the first time I hooked those tubes up this time around I was overwhelmed at my negative reaction.  We ARE going to breast feed this time damnit.  The pump can and will be used for extras but overall we are just doing the boob to mouth thing.  And it is going great and I love it.
• My son is the sweetest big brother there is.  He holds her hands and kisses her and gives her hugs.  Today he wanted to "watch her" while I was getting dressed so I put her in her bouncy seat and put it in his room.  I walked by the room and peeked in.  The Boy was standing next to her watching his movie and playing with his cars.  Every 30 seconds or so he would stop what he was doing and lean down on kiss her on the cheek.  He stood next to her bouncy and took his finger and held her hand.  She sneezed and he leaned over and said "bless you sister" and hugged her.  I seriously burst into tears.  THIS is why I did this.  Those moments.  Those moments are why I lived through the last 9 months and made this happen.  Makes my heart burst.
• On an equally "heart bursting" but less pleasant topic, The Boy had a VERY hard time with me being gone at the hospital.  The first night he had to leave me he burst into tears and cried the entire way home screaming for his Mommy.  I was crying as he left, my mom was crying, and he LOST it.  So.Unbelievably.Sad.  But he got better as time went on.  My first night home from the hospital we were sitting having dinner and he was talking about his day.  He said, "Four days Mommy."  I asked him what that meant and he said, "Four days you in hospital.  And four days I cried.  You no go away again Mommy?"  And again, I lost it.  Right there at the dinner table.  Cried for like 5 minutes and couldn't make it stop.  After pregnancy hormones are worse than pregnancy hormones.
• Okay I would like to chat about more, but this pumping session is done (I am pumping once a day now to get "toppers" for her night time feedings) and I must go make The Boy lunch and get some food in my stomach as well.  I promise the good posts will come in the future.  But we are home, things are wonderful and my daughter is the sweetest thing alive and I am loving every single minute of this.  I definitely do motherhood better than I do pregnancy.
• And now...the money shot: