Still Cooking...

I am here with my normal Friday update.  My doctors appointment had mixed news again today.  Most of it is good as you can tell by the fact that I am not writing this update from the hospital.  My blood pressure was the same as it was on Tuesday (right around the 140/90 area), which isn't good, but since it is the same as it was on Tuesday it is considered stable.  So we "passed" in that area for today.

The baby passed her NST pretty easily today.  I think this is the first time I haven't heard the words "pass" along with "by the skin of her teeth" together in all of her tests.  So that is another good thing. 

The only not-so-good thing is my contractions.  Both my nurse and my doctor made a joke about how the baby probably passed her test so easily because my damn contractions aren't letting her get her beauty sleep (as she usually does during the NST's).  Obviously I am aware of them.  They have gotten considerably worse since Saturday of last weekend and last night they woke me out of a sound sleep at least 5 times.  They have only gotten to the point where I would characterize them as "hurting" within the last 24 hours or so.  But when I was hooked up to the NST machine it was very apparent that I was having pretty strong contractions about every 4 minutes or so.  They asked me if I could feel them (yes, I could) but I wasn't having to "breathe through them" yet so I guess that is a good thing.  My doctor prescribed a medicine (I haven't picked it up yet from the pharmacy so I don't know the name off the top of my head) to make them stop.  I am to take it every 6 hours when I am feeling contractions but don't have to take it if I am not feeling anything.  Hopefully that will keep my body from going into labor on its own, although neither my nurse nor my doctor looked overly convinced of that.  I am also basically supposed to be flat on my back doing nothing but drinking fluids.

Have I mentioned lately how much fun this entire process has been?  Good lord...

I have to say that the one scenario that I simply did not even assume was a possibility was the concept that my body would actually go into labor on its own.  What the hell?  I am going to be SO pissed if I end up in labor.  I know I am getting the c-section and obviously if I end up in the hospital they won't make me suffer through labor, but man.  If I am having contractions that hurt enough to make me take my ass to the hospital I am going to be so pissed.  Or if my water breaks on its own?  Gross!  These are things that I had not even planned for considering that even if by some fluke of imagination I made it to my 38 week scheduled c-section, my body should most certainly NOT go into labor on its own before that.  How very rude.

For some reason, even though today's appointment went relatively well, I have lost my cherub-like demeanor.  I am cranky and tired and nervous and just on edge.  Everything and everyone is irritating me and I am so beyond done with physically feeling like shit.  You add these lovely contractions to my extreme exhaustion, my "laser light shows" that I see every 15 minutes, my lack of sleep, my nausea, my heart burn, my head aches and basically overall feeling like I have a horrible case of the flu and, well...I guess you get a very cranky person.  I want everyone to go away and leave me the hell alone and I want to crawl up in a little ball and just cry for a while.  But I can't.  Right now I am going to put my precious little boy down for his nap and I am going to lay my own ass down and hope that when I get up again I will have a better view/attitude with this entire thing.  Cause right now?  I am just plain done with this shit.