As Melissa Etheridge says, "The Universe Listens"

When The Ex and I decided to permanently split up back in May I knew my life needed to change.  There was going to be no way that I could afford to stay in this house by myself, with my son, with the way things were going.  There were going to have to be major changes.  And then to top that off I have this whole crazy notion about having a second kid.  So not only do I need to do some financial damage control to keep the house that I am currently in, but I also need to raise some additional capital to be able to pay for daycare for a second child if that comes to be.  So I knew things needed to change.  I just wasn't sure how to make it happen.  And for the first time in my life, I didn't analyze the shit out of everything and try and come up with "a plan."  I didn't try and anticipate everything and create my own destiny.  Instead I sat back.  I took a backseat and just tried to live my life to the best of my ability.  I decided that I was going to look at everything the universe offered me and all options and see what came of things.  At the time, I knew I needed to find some sort of way to become pregnant again, I knew I needed to figure out how to make more money, and I knew I needed to move forward from my situation with The Ex.

The donor sort of fell into my lap.  I discussed my wanting to find someone to donate to most of the people who knew me somewhat closely.  I basically "put the word out."  And lo and behold, a few months later a client/friend of mine came to me and said she had a friend who she was pretty sure would be happy to be a sperm donor.  Seems he is going to be.  Turned out to be a wonderful guy and so far a pretty cool situation.  Instead of obsessively getting on the internet and scouring the sperm banks websites for potential donors and making phone calls and doctors appointment, I just sat back and waited to see if something came my way.  Luckily it did.  It's not a completely sealed deal yet and if it doesn't get to that, that's okay too.  I will figure it out.  But it came to me.

Then the work thing.  Without getting into too many details I played with the idea of getting a full time job but ultimately decided that the best decision for me and my son and potential future children is to remain self employed and therefore in charge of my own schedule.  I opted to see if I could take on a few extra clients and make some more money doing what I do now.  This week is the culmination of all of that.  It really could have gone either way.  I could have ended this week with putting in my 2 weeks notice for my main client (20 hours of my week), and having no extra clients.  However I fought for myself.  I fought for my worth.  It is hard to do that.  I don't do conflict well.  And I have a hard time taking a stand for myself.  But I made myself do it this week.  And now here on Friday I have a $7 an hour raise on my major client (the 20 hour a week one), I have taken on a new client that promises to bring in a pretty substantial amount each month and also offers the possibility of health benefits.  This is necessary for child number 2 because Ex won't be covering him/her on her insurance I don't assume.  And at the end of it all, I got a referral to another new client.  

You know, I just realized I am damn good at what I do.  And I deserve to be compensated for that.  I am not being outlandish or asking for more than what other experienced people in my field are making, but I finally just decided to demand it for myself.  And you know what?  People think I am worth it!  No one seemed to bat an eyelash.  I am in such a better position right now than I was 2 months ago.  And I feel like I put it out there to the universe.  I just stepped back and put out there what I needed.  And most of the things I have received.  Maybe the laws of karma really do work.

Today, on this very day, I feel so lucky.  I have an amazing little boy who I adore with my whole heart.  I have a supportive family who makes my life bearable.  I have amazing friends who not only love me, but read my blog to show me that.  :)  And I think I have figured out how to financially stay in my home, have a new baby and be able to truly support it, and for the first time in a long time...really look forward to my future.  The universe listened and I am so thankful for that.

PS--If you haven't heard the song by Melissa Etheridge you should really listen to it.  Here's a link to the lyrics.