Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My Baby

On the cusp of her first birthday I find myself marveling at this little girl that is growing up before my eyes. Everyday she is doing something new. Today I had one of "those moments." You know the ones. The ones where the entire world fades to black around you and you wish you could be that girl from the old cheesy show "Out of this World" who could put her hands together and stop time. One of those moments where all the years of struggling to try and get pregnant and where going through horrific sickness and bed rest and contractions all somehow came together to give you this magical little human being you get to call your child.

One of those moments that when you try and type it out for the rest of the world to enjoy ends up sounding like just another day on paper. And you realize that there is no way to explain the feelings that go on between a mother and a daughter at 6:00am while nursing in bed. But for me, this was one of those moments that I don't want to forget, so I am going to document it. I know our nursing relationship will most likely be coming to an end soon so I am really treasuring the time we have left and I think the first morning feeding is still my favorite. Favorite because she snuggles up against me like we are "spooning" and she takes her other hand and gently pats my head and then my shoulder and then my waist and then back up to my head and then reaches down and fingers her lovey kitty blanket and then pats that as well. All is well and content in her world. And mine too for that matter. It is our time. Just the two of us. And this morning, when she was done nursing she pulled her head back and locked eyes with me, her face broke into a wide smile and she said, "Hi" in that perfect little baby voice. Like, "how wonderful to see you! I remember you!" She has recently started saying that when someone walks into a room, or when she pops her head up over the table or something. But this morning was the first time that we have conversed actual real words. And like I said above, I will never be able to capture that moment in words, but it really was one of the best parenting moments I have experienced. And I have had a lot of great parenting moments.

For the record, she has a few words that are real words, used in the correct context and said on a somewhat consistent basis. Those words are, "Hi," "Bye bye," "uh oh," "up," "Gigi" (insert jealous feelings that Gigi is being said before Mommy but moving on quickly...) and "all done." There may be more, but those are the ones I can think of right now. I am trying to get her on video saying them because there is seriously nothing cuter than her little baby voice.


Laraf123 said...

My son will be 14 months next week. I am not looking forward to ending our nursing moments. The morning time is my favorite too.
Just found your blog--enjoying it!

Ocean Dreamer said...

Hi, I found your blog a little while ago. I'm also queer and am in the process of becoming a single mom by choice. I look forward to following your story. Your kids are very cute.

I also read your post about your son and the book about sensitive kids. I've never read it, but have heard many good things about it from other folks. Glad to hear you've found it helpful, too.

oneofhismoms said...

Lovely. Thank you.

And would you believe (though Gigi may be your mom's name? I dunno?) that Trucker's favorite caretaker at daycare's name is Gigi? You have to admit it is a cute name to hear said in a baby voice. Though, not nearly as cute as "Mommy."