Happy Birthday to Peanut!!

My baby is two. Today. This time two years ago…

I had been on bed rest since 27 weeks (SUCKED!), I had been in and out of the hospital trying to keep my baby girl cooking for as long as possible (we made it to almost 38 weeks). I had had countless NST’s, serious contractions, and was generally miserable making it up to this day two years ago. And then, finally, I checked into the hospital for a scheduled c-section. For the first time in several months, everything went smoothly and she entered the world and MY world has not been the same since. I said the day she was born that she completed our family. And she did. I honestly cannot imagine life without her.

And now today? There is no part “baby” anymore. She wants to dress herself…climb in and out of her car seat herself…she would probably like to make her own dinner if I would let her. And the way that she speaks still continues to amaze me on a daily basis. There is nothing she can’t say and there is also never a time when she isn’t saying anything at all. According to my mother, this is the universe giving me the ultimate payback. Apparently as a kid, I never shut up. My daughter is the same way. If she doesn’t have anything particularly interesting to say, she sings. If that doesn’t work she will just start saying her ABC’s, or counting…but if she is awake, at all times she is speaking. Even when she is “sitting quietly” reading books, she is narrating what she thinks the story is saying, for instance, every time she turns the page she says, “…and the NEXT morning…” Classic.

Some of her favorite things right now: Foods? Any and all fruit. Smart dogs. Salmon (I know, right?). Cheese and crackers. “Popcorn” (Pirates Booty). Dry cereal. Chicken breasts (but not “nuggets,” neither of my kids like those; not sure why…) But fortunately she is still at the stage where she will try literally anything and 90% of the time she eats only what we are eating for dinner. She is a GREAT eater. I thank my lucky stars for that every day. She still LOVES her milk. She drinks a full 8 ounce cup of milk twice a day. Once in the morning right after she gets up (while watching TV in my bed), and once after she wakes up from her nap. She drinks them quickly and then moves on. My family laughs at how fast she can take down an 8 ounce glass of milk. She still sleeps with her beloved "Kitty" (her lovey blanket) and her Binky. Binky stays in the bed, and just recently she hasn't been using it that much so I think it might be on the way out...

Favorite TV show is easily Cat in the Hat. No question. She likes others, but this one is her fave. And just recently she has decided that she LOVES the movie Toy Story 3. She thinks ALL movies should be Toy Story 3. She also thinks she should be able to watch it multiple times a day (I don't let her—it’s a weekend only kind of thing). Here she is surrounded by her Toy Story toys while watching the movie...

In terms of favorite toys…pretty much whatever her brother is playing with. That, and only that, is what she wants. And she takes whatever he is playing with from him and then runs away laughing hysterically. He doesn’t find it quite as funny. Other faves this past year have been puzzles, her stroller, her babies, her stacking blocks and (I hesitate to admit this…) her iPod touch. She calls it her “game,” and she totally knows how to use it, navigate through it and all of her “apps,” and of course, put on Toy Story 3. But perhaps the one thing she goes to more than anything are her books. She LOVES to read. She will take it any way she can get it. If you let her sit on your lap and read to her? Perfect. If not, she will happily go and get her books, stack about 5 in front of her, and cop a squat and just sit there and read to herself. She adores books. She pretty much has to have one with her whenever we leave the house.

She has had 3 haircuts, and normally wears her hair in a little top pony tail with the back hanging free. I have kept the length at her shoulders because it is easy to manage and because, at that length, the curls come out. And I love me some of her curls. I still couldn’t tell you what color her eyes are. I guess you would have to categorize them as “hazel.” Sometimes they look gray, sometimes they look green or blue, and sometimes they have a brownish tint. They are darker, but they change so much that I honestly have no clue. As of today she wears a size 2T in tops, a size 18-24 months in pants (she will most likely be a shorty like her Mommy), and a size 6 shoe. Speaking of clothes, she loves to get dressed up and will ask almost everyday if it is a day to “wear party shoes.” That always equals a good day. I have no idea how much she weighs and how tall she is (I will update once I take her to her 2 year well-baby appt on the 5^th of May), but I think she recently went through a growth spurt because she just seems to BIG all of a sudden. Here she is on a walk this past weekend...doesn't she just look HUGE all of a sudden? No? It's just me? Well...I think she has gotten HUGE. :)

In terms of personality, she is…well…SO different from her brother. She is sweet and funny and happy. She is confident and tough and fearless. She is loud and vocal and bossy and…oh dear lord the tantrums… When life is going her way, she is the cutest and most precious thing you have ever come across in your entire life. When things aren’t going her way? Well…let’s just say that I sometimes dream of a boarding school far, far away… I think the teenage years are going to SUCK. But right now? A few minutes of ugliness and then she is back to all smiles. But most of all she makes me laugh. Every single day she makes me laugh. And she is SO loving. She loves to give hugs and kisses. In fact every single morning, the first thing she does (while her diaper is being changed) is yell to her brother, “Brother! Come say hi to me! Brother, come say good morning to me!” (Did I mention bossy?) She won’t leave him, or me for that matter, at daycare without at least one hug and kiss. Most the time it takes two or three before we get out the door. She will spontaneously come up to you during the day and say, “gimme a hug,” and grab onto you. She is very affectionate. And as referenced above, she never, ever calls her brother by his name. He is brother and only brother. She knows his name, in fact one of her favorite games right now is to say our names. "Brother name is…" "Mommy name is…" "Gigi name is…" (this is one of her favorites because she knows that Gigi’s name is also her middle name so that always gets a laugh). She can say her entire name perfectly. She can count to 20. She knows all her letters and numbers. She is smart as a whip. Kills me.

I could go on and on, but then I would spend all day long writing this entry and I need to go spend some time squeezing her and saying, “I can’t believe you are two…” all day long.

My dear Peanut: I love you more than words can ever express. When you were really little I used to say you were my ray of sunshine. You are my sunshine. You make my world happy. Your brother and I are so happy to have you as our family. Happy Birthday sweet girl. I love you.

The 5 Year Well Check

It started last night.

"Mommy, I'm not getting a shot at the doctor tomorrow, am I?"

"Yeah baby...you are gonna get a shot."

"No Mommy...I don't want to get a shot. That really, really hurt me last time and I don't want to have to do it again..."

And on and on it went. I had to talk to him for 30 minutes about how we were going to handle it (turn our heads away, hold hands and count to three), and the entire plan for the day tomorrow. And most importantly about how that plan included a trip to his favorite restaurant for lunch and then to his favorite little toy store. We talked about how first Gigi was going to come over, then Mommy was leaving to go to his school to have a talk with his teacher (parent teacher conference), and then when Mommy got back we were going to go to the doctor. Then a little exam...a even littler, teeny-tiny even, shot in the arm and then OFF TO LUNCH. AND FUN THINGS. AND JOY!! Many, many times we went over it. And then he told me that if I was a good Mommy tomorrow (like he is going to be a good boy), then he would tell me a story. And it was gonna be a great story, so I better be good cause I was gonna want to hear it. And that he and I were gonna be a team. A team of good boy and good Mommy and we were gonna have a GREAT day tomorrow. And we hugged and said goodnight.

I'll write about the parent teacher conference later (which mostly was talking about his recently discovered OT issues) but I did that, went home and picked him up and went to the doctor. He had had a good morning talking a lot about the toy, but not so much about the appointment. Until we got in there. Then he started talking about it. The shots that is. But he was still dealing pretty well.

Weight and height taken (34 pounds and 40 inches...and I actually hesitated posting that because it really shows how very tiny my boy is...but I guess my long time readers all know that...) Then hearing test (flying colors), eye test (did great on that as well). Then off to the potty for the pee in a cup. Even did well on that. :) Then into the room for the exam. The nurse had warned me in the hall: 5 pokes today.

Holy crap!! I had no idea it was THAT many... "What are they?" I asked her. "TB test, blood test (finger prick), and then three booster shots in his arms."

Damn. This wasn't going to be pretty.

Turns out it wasn't so much. The first part was the TB test. In my day it was a little 4 prong thing that they poked on your arm to see if you got a reaction. This was an actual needle injecting something into his arm! The nurse drew a happy face on his arm in pen (he kinda freaked out for that because he didn't trust that it was really only a pen) and then used the needle to make the "nose." He didn't buy it. He screamed but sat relatively still and let it happen. Then came the "blood draw." Clue to cute nurse: Don't mention the word blood. My kid had vision of his veins exploding. And he freaked the eff out. Like writhing around in Gigi's arms, me holding onto his arms trying to make it happen... Like a scene out of a movie. His face turned red, he was all snotty and coughing because he was forgetting to breathe... It was crazy.

And then it was over. And he calmed down, but he knew the shots were still coming.

The exam with the doctor was a time for him to calm down and read a book in my mom's arms while I talked to his doctor. We talked about the recent OT evaluation and some issues surrounding that.... It's a hard conversation to have really. I spent a lot of it trying not to cry. The blood draw had been REALLY hard to watch and my emotions were frayed from that and then I have to sit down and have a conversation with his doctor about the areas where my kid needs serious help. And where he is really far behind. And we talked about using his school district in Kindergarten for possible OT services. And I gave that look like, he'll never qualify. He's never bad enough to qualify for school services. Just bad enough to really need services... And he gave me that look back like, "This time he might be bad enough."

Ouch.

I got a little croaky and emotional and he told me that I hadn't done anything wrong. That I was a great mother, and that I was doing now what needed to be done. And that I shouldn't feel bad about anything.... And that made me feel better...but then even having to have this conversation with his doctor...again...about something he needs help in... Well that just made me sad all over again.

It's hard. This whole thing is hard.

And then he did his physical exam and he passed everything. He gave him the standard test he gives to all incoming kindergartners and he could do everything. And he said to me, "Based on this evaluation, I wouldn't say anything was wrong either...he did great." So there's that. He smiled at me and patted me on the shoulder...told me about how his kid could not hang on the bars before kindergarten either and he got him into this program...and now he is swinging like a champ. Very sweet. And easy to relate to. His son is on the autism spectrum and he talks openly about that. I really do love my pediatrician. So he chatted a bit with The Boy again and headed out.

Then The Boy knew that all that was left was the shots. They were coming. He cried, he talked about it...we practiced breathing...he went back and forth between me and Gigi...he paced...he begged me to put his shirt back on... Where the HELL was the nurse? (She was outside preparing the needles away from him so that it was fast and easy when she came in...) She finally came in and he was in Gigi's arms and lap. We talked about it for a minute and he decided he was going to face into Gigi's chest and look up at me away from everything. While we were deciding this she did the first two shots into his right arm. He didn't even notice it was happening. When she came around to the other arm he really had no clue the shots were even done. He realized it at that point, looked at me, and we counted to three and she was done. Just like that. SHE RULED!! Major props to her. All of a sudden he takes a big deep breath and goes, "Well that wasn't so bad."

And he's been fine ever since.

For the record, he did get lunch at his favorite restaurant AFTER the toy store because that was of more importance (the toy store was far more important than lunch). He picked a ball like thing that expands into a bigger ball like thing... and a pretend clock because he wants to learn to tell time. He was stoked. Got a yummy lunch and then headed home. He took like an hour little nap and then Gigi came back and picked him up for a sleepover at her house.

Minus a few little shots...it's been a damn good day for my son. A really rough day for his Mommy.

Doing what he loves: Examining his lady bug larvae transforming into...whatever the hell the next stage is.

Edited to add: I just spoke to my mom on the phone and she said they went BACK to the toy store on the way to her house and he got two more treats to keep at Gigi's house... He must have laid it on thick...

And more: I just realized he never told me my story. I *think* I was a "good" Mommy today...

A Little Boy's Birthday Party

Since I am super busy at work, I will put you all off by giving you photos. That works, right?

It's his birthday!! Everyone must know about this. And if you don't know? He will tell you. Again and again and again. His teachers at school were cracking up... "Wait...do you think he's 5?" Here are his balloons...

Super heros are always a hit. Thanks to the gay boyfriends...
He got a ton of cool gifts...including the binoculars around his neck...
...which his sister thought would be great for her as well...
Did I mention that we are really into Super Heros right now?
Of course there were cupcakes...and at least one member of my family enjoys treats!
The other one sometimes prefers to just do jazz hands...
Happy 5th birthday to the best little boy in the world!
Love you buddy!!

Happy 5th Birthday to The Boy!!!

I can’t believe he turns 5 today! Wanna know what I was doing this time 5 years ago? J Well since I wasn’t blogging back then I will give you the short (very short!) version of his birth story:

I checked into the hospital the previous night to be induced the morning of the 5^th. I went into labor that night and after 12 hours of tough labor with no progress got an epidural. The Boy didn’t so much like that apparently and he “crashed” three times within an hour long period. An emergency c-section was ordered at about 8:50am, and at 9:17am my beautiful boy came screaming into the world with his bright red hair apparent from the very start.

And what a time it has been…

This past year he has become so much older and wiser and more mature. He is a full-on “kid” now and I can’t believe I am filling out forms to enroll him in kindergarten. He is still the sweet, sensitive little boy he has always been but I now find him increasingly strong and proud; he has definitely grown into his own skin. I sit here trying to find the words to express what a wonderful little boy my son is, but I don’t think I could ever find the words to properly explain him. Plus I just get all emotional and end up crying, which isn't helping any of us... Fortunately for those reading this, you have most likely been reading about my love for this little boy for two years already and have a picture in your mind of who he is and what he is about.

I think this year the biggest emotion I am experiencing where he is concerned is pride. I am so damn PROUD of this kid. His little life on this planet has not been without its challenges but he has gone past all of that and has turned into this amazing son, brother, friend and grandson. The most defining adjective used to describe him is sweet. And he really is. He is sweet with his love and kisses, he is sweet and gentle with all things on the planet and in nature, he is sweet to his sister and to his fellow classmates… People come up to me all the time and tell me, “What did you do to make him so sweet?” Truth be told, I take no responsibility in that whatsoever. I am a lot of things, but “sweet” certainly wouldn’t be the word most used to describe me. So that is all him. It is all his own little journey on this planet. I am just lucky enough to be able to share it with him.

Happy Birthday my boy. I love you so much! Here’s to another fabulous year together!!

Here's a little picture montage of his 4th year...

The Return of the Bean Bag Shot...

For those of you who have been reading my blog for a long time, you might remember the "Bean Bag Shot." For those who don't, I took a picture of my daughter in the exact same spot every month of her first year so that I could watch her grow. And now she is 18 months old, so I thought it was time for an updated bean bag shot. So here is The Girl, 18 months old.

And if you want to see how she has changed over the years, click on the short video below and watch her grow!

Happy 18 Months Peanut!

My "baby" girl is 18 months old today. It's so cheesy to say but it really does go so fast. She is this whole little person and is no longer any part "baby." But what a wonderful little girl she is growing into. I wish I could somehow save every moment of every day with her so that when she is a horrific teenager (and I have NO doubt that she will be every ounce horrific) I can look back on this time and remind myself why I decided to keep her. But for now, I will just try and capture of few things that she's doing and some of her favorite things.

First the stats: She is 22 lbs and 8 oz. She is 31.75 inches tall and that puts her in the 25th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile (!!!) for height. She remains true to her nickname; she is a little peanut. She was charming as all getup for all the ladies in the office and even for the doctor as long as he wasn't trying to, you know, examine her or anything. She screamed bloody murder while she was being weighed and measured and then during her exam, but as soon as those things were over and I was chatting with the doctor she ran around the office and counted to 10 and sang her ABC's and just when he was asking me if she was using two word phrases she marched over to me and said, "Mommy, no want it. I want to go bye bye." He smiled and looked at me and said, "Umm...yeah, I think she's good on the speech front."

Wow. Never heard THOSE words spoken to me before.

She wants so bad to be a big girl. She eats whatever we are eating for dinner every night and she insists on using a fork and spoon (even though half the time she is making more of a mess than not). She constantly asks me to "brush her teeth," but I put that in quotes because what that really means is she wants to stand on the stool big brother uses when he brushes his teeth and she wants me to put water on the tooth brush so she can suck it off and hand it back to me and say, "Again? Busha da teef again?" She wants to try and put her own shoes and clothes on. She wants to brush her own hair. If I give her my hand to try and help her up or down some stairs she knocks my hand away and finds a wall or something to hang onto and makes do herself. Very independent she is.

She has found her voice in more ways than one. She can certainly communicate with you but she can also DEMAND. She announces in the morning that she wants to watch a certain TV show and then 10 minutes later has melt down when she has decided that she no longer wants THAT particular TV show and would prefer another. For the record, she is finally into TV and her favorite shows right now are Cat in the Hat, Caillou, and Super Why. She also enjoys Curious George, but I think that is mostly because it's her brother's favorite show. But the other three are the ones she asks for.

As I have blogged about before, she not only wants music on in the car, but it has to be her choice of music and she wants the song changed as soon as she deems it over even if that happens to be 15 seconds after she initially cheered "Hooray!" for the song that came on. She has learned to ask her brother for help on things. She walks up to him and hands him something and says, "Bruh-der help?" And if he ignores her (which he quite often does), she follows him around going, "Bruh-der...bruh-der...bruh-der?" until he finally gives in. She has figured out how to use him to her advantage.

Last weekend she came up to me and said, "[her name] take baby for walk?" I looked at her a little confused because she has never asked that before and I repeated, "You want to take your baby for a walk?" She nodded and said, "Yeah." And then she walked over to her stroller and put her baby inside it and said, "Let's go!" I was completely amused by this whole concept and got her brother and we went outside and she proceeded to walk down the street pushing her baby in the stroller all the way around our entire block. When she gets an idea in her head she goes ALL for it.

She is also a little obsessed with books and those wooden puzzles. She loves them. And I don't know if she has just memorized them all at this point or if she is just damn good at puzzles. Her brother was never really into them but she LOVES them. She has about 10 of them and she picks them up and dumps them onto the floor and then sits down and picks up each piece and knows exactly where it goes and puts it right into the correct spot and moves on. She can complete an entire puzzle in about 20 seconds. It's a little bit insane.

As I have blogged about ad nauseum on here, when my marriage broke up when the boy was little I was devastated for many reasons. But the one that stuck after all the therapy and after a good portion of the healing was that I didn't feel like my family was complete. I was scared to death to do it on my own, but I just didn't feel like The Boy and I were all that was needed to make our little family. And I couldn't have been more right. About two and a half years after I started this blog saying, "I am single and I think I need to have another child" I was right to trust my gut. I needed this child. She is such a huge part of this family and I can't even imagine life without her. She really has completed us. And not only that she has brought such joy and happiness into both of our lives that I simply can't express it properly.

And I will end on what happened in my living room tonight. You know when you have one of those magic moments where the sun and the moon and the stars all line up and you have one of those glorious moments as a parent where you think to yourself, "THIS. This right here is why I did it. This is why I do it. For moments like these..." Well I had one of those tonight. Peanut got three vaccinations today and a flu shot. So by about 7:00 this evening she was a mess. She had a fever and she was shaking from being cold (just out of the bath) and she had spent the past 20 minutes sitting on my lap under her blanket rocking on the rocking chair and warming up (unheard of for her). I put her down because she had finally agreed to have her night time milk so she was sitting in her chair and I went into the kitchen to make her milk. Her brother went over to her and squatted down next to her and said very softly, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Shots are a bummer, but you'll feel better soon..." and then he bent down and kissed her on her hand. She smiled at him and he sat next to her and patted her leg. Then after I had given her her milk and she was drinking it he went back into his room and got out his coveted blocks (that are only shared with her when he is feeling VERY generous) and brought them out and made a tower right in front of where she was sitting. Then he said, "Here you go Peanut, I made you a tower...go ahead and knock it over..." She didn't cause she felt so crummy and he said, "You want me to knock it over for you?" She nodded and he crashed it down in front of her." She smiled and sat up. He built it again for her and said, "How about now?" She grinned, threw off the blanket and stood up and knocked it over. He clapped for her and said, "See? That's what I wanted for you to do. I knew my blocks could make you feel better..."

Could you just freaking die?

The Two Faces of My Daughter

Two stories: Same child.

Saturday morning right after The Boy left for his time with his Mom I went to go and get the nail clippers to try and cut The Girl's nails. She is quite difficult about it so they were getting kinda long. So she walked down the hall with me and wanted to hold the clippers as we went back to the living room. When I tried to take them from her to clip her nails she freaked. She thought SHE should be the one doing the clippers (we're in the middle of a ME-DO-IT! all the time kinda phase...). When I told her no and tried to clip her nails she had a major tantrum. She arched her back and fell on the ground and screamed this high pitched horrible sound and banged her fists to the ground.

I got up and was going to return the clippers to the bedroom (clearly there would be no clipping now...) when she reached out with her hand and tried to hit me as I walked by. I stopped and looked at her and told her no hitting and then proceeded down the hall. She got up and had a phone in her hand and followed me down the hall and met me halfway down. She looked me in the eye and tried to hit me with the phone. She followed me BACK down the hall with the sole purpose of hitting me. She looked up at me defiantly and I bent down to her level and grabbed the phone out of her hand and held her wrist and looked her in the eyes and told her very sternly that we don't hit. It hurts. I then got up and walked away from her and went into my bathroom to take a shower. (That's where I was headed anyway). She sat outside of my shower door and screamed at me during the. entire. freaking. shower. When I finally turned off the water and dried off she wasn't crying anymore. I opened the door (she had left and slammed it on me once I was in the shower) and she was sitting on the floor right outside of my bathroom door just looking at me. Talk about if looks could kill. She was pissed and she wanted me to know it.

I bent down and smiled at her and put my arms out to her and told her I loved her. She turned her head away. She didn't move a muscle in her body, but simply turned her head in the other direction. The attitude is simply overwhelming. I cannot believe she followed me down the hall, purposely hit me, then screamed at me, and then wouldn't talk to me. I can't even imagine when she is a teenager. I am in so much trouble.

You should know that we did make up but I had to joke with her and tell her "don't laugh...don't laugh...don't smile..." and then she did. And then I hugged and kissed her, but it took her some time. She made me work for it.

Same day, same child, about 4 hours later.

Brother comes home from Mom's house feeling yucky. He has a fever, has no appetite (even for him) and just wants to sleep. He feels pretty horrible. I am sitting on the couch with brother making him eat something before he goes to sleep and I am rubbing his head and hair. The Girl comes up to me and motions for her brother. I told her that he feel yucky and we need to be nice to him. She proceeds to stand next to me very gently patting her brother's head for a good 10 minutes. Then she rubbed his arm. She sang to him and said, "Feel better bruh-der." And then after he fell asleep? She went over and got two of her baby dolls and carried them around and rubbed their heads and patted them and sang to them. She totally took care of her brother. She's so effing sweet she kills me.

It's hard to believe it is the same child. But it is. She's one of a kind, that one...

A Couple of Songs for your weekend

People laugh at me when I tell them that my daughter never stops talking. She's actually really quiet and shy when she first meets people so she never talks. So they think I am nuts. But at home? And once she's comfortable with you? You will literally never NOT hear the sound of her voice. Her latest thing in her version of singing. I finally caught some of this on video. She turned 17 months on Monday of last week.

Have a great weekend!

Her Turn!

Recently I did an update on The Boy so now it's time to talk about his sister. I really can't say enough things about her right now. 16 months is equal parts hysterical and cute and challenging. Let's talk about the cute first. She really is SO effing cute, I can't quite handle it sometimes. I have said it since the day she was born but she really is a ray of sunshine. Happiest little kid I know. If she isn't throwing a fit about something specific she is smiling.

Last time I wrote about her I talked about her biting and how I knew it came from her daycare. I talked to the ladies who take care of her as well as the director the next day. They confirmed that two of the other little kids her age are biters but they hadn't seen it from her. I made it clear to them that I wasn't thrilled with the fact that they hadn't really dealt with the problem with the other two and now it was coming over to my daughter. It came down to different "parenting" techniques (I know they aren't "parents," but their way to deal with a biter is MUCH different than my way...). When The Girl would bite her brother I would tell her, "NO BITING" in a louder, lower voice than normal. Not yelling at her, but she definitely knew it was a different voice than the one I usually talk in. Then I would immediately remove her from the situation and put her in her room. Not for a "time out" because she's one; she wouldn't understand that anyway, but just to teach her that if she bites she gets taken away from the situation. About a minute later I would go into her room and tell her again, "No biting brother!" "That hurts brother." She would then repeat to me, "No bite bruh-dah. Ouchie bruh-dah" and most times would go into his room and say, "Sowwy bruh-dah" without any prodding from me. I could also read the situation. If she was getting frustrated (wanting his toy and trying to pull it from him...trying to sit in the chair that he was already sitting in...) she would generally yell out a frustration scream before she would go in for the bite. So when I saw the situation escalating, I would repeat to her, "No biting brother." She would then stop and repeat it back to me.

The daycare director wanted to just look at them in the eyes and put their finger over their mouth while shaking their head. Her theory was if you actually use the word "bite" then you are reinforcing the behavior. I don't agree at all. First of all, they aren't saying "no." That seems pretty basic to me. And secondly, if you just shake your head at them with your finger over your lips...well that doesn't really do a whole lot if you ask me. Kinda looks like blowing a kiss... Either way, we agreed to disagree and I told the lady who primarily watches her how I was handling it and gave her permission with my daughter to do as I was doing at home.

She never bit at daycare. And after that one weekend she doesn't bite at home anymore either. Like I mentioned above, if I see her getting frustrated sometimes I will remind her that we don't bite, but mostly she gets it. A couple of times she has put her mouth/teeth on me or her brother but never bitten down. So I'd say we dodged a bullet on that one...

Okay I have said it before but DAMN does my child talk a lot. I know girls are supposed to talk earlier than boys, and I also know that my frame of reference is completely skewed given that The Boy is still in speech therapy at 4 1/2. But she says 3 and 4 word sentences. She will repeat anything you tell her and can say words that I would consider "tough" like "edamame," and "flower," and "spaghetti," etc... Just this week she started wandering around the house saying, "Monny...are du?" Asking me where I am. She said, "Monny take a shower" yesterday. She says, "Bruh-dah go bye bye" all the time. It is amazing. And she sings. AND knows the words to songs. If you say, "Twinkle twinkle little star," she will follow up with, "I wunder what du are..." Her brother like songs from The Little Mermaid right now and on the way to school this morning it was quiet and she said, "Monny! Poor Fortune Souls Pees!" It amazes me on a daily basis. If I call her name she now answers with, "What?" I feel like she is SO much older than she is because The Boy couldn't communicate like this until he was so much older. It won't be long before she is using a real phone making real calls...

She is still a great eater as far as I'm concerned. She has certain things that are always a hit, no matter what (Pir.ates Boot.y, Smart dogs, fruit of any kind, yogurt...) and then a ton of things that are hit and miss. One day she'll love them and then the next day she'll throw them on the floor. I no longer make her a special dinner; she gets what we are having. Her brother still gets special meals at times but not her. And for the most part she's fine. I may supplement with a fruit or something but she gets what we get. And she gets it on a plate now. She sees her brother and me using a plate everyday and damnit she wants one too. She is really good with it and uses a plate and her fork with every meal. Sometimes I have to spear the food onto her fork for her but she's actually getting really good with doing that by herself too. And you have to be careful when she's nearing the end of a meal because she has been known to declare, "ALL DONE!" and then chuck the plate off her tray but I am teaching her that isn't the best behavior. Overall she does really great at meal times and loves eating with the big people (which is always, my kids eat with me every night). Here she is sitting at the table at my birthday dinner...
In terms of technical things...she is a little peanut like her Mommy. She's not going to be tall, which is fine with me given the size of her brother. She wears size 12-18 months in everything but the pants are still a little too long. The tops that I am buying for winter stuff is all 24 months but still 18 month pants. Her jammies are all 24 months. She wears a size 4.5 shoe and I just bought her her first pair of real shoes. As opposed to all the sandals she has had all summer long. They were purple with silver and I love them. She still has the 6 main teeth (4 up top, two on the bottom), but the top two molars are through and one of the bottom molars came through today I think. Also the teeth right next to her bottom two are white and about to poke through. She is teething like crazy and will chew on anything she can get her mouth onto.

Okay the nursing...yes we are still doing it. I haven't completely given it up. BUT! We are down to once a day right before bed. I got rid of the morning feed so now it is only the one time a day before bed. I am okay with this for now. I say that I will give that one up by 18 months. That is my goal right now. Because while she never asks for it, or god forbid, lifts my shirt or anything...the other day when she latched on she looked up at me and smiled and went, "MMMMMM!!!!" and I'm sorry, but a kid that is old enough to comment on the content of the boob she's eating is probably too old to be eating off said boob. So I'm working on it. 18 months, I swear. :)

I'm contemplating the hair cut. But I really don't know what to do. Any of you with little girls out there, I would love to hear your feedback. Right now I put her hair up everyday. It's either in one pony on top of her head, or else it's in pig tails. And the back is all one length and curly. I hesitate to cut bangs because while I am not opposed to bangs in general, I don't want ALL of her hair coming forward to be chopped off at the bang area. I want her hair to go back and then perhaps a little wisp of bangs or something. But I just don't know. So for now? I leave it alone and put it up. Plus, I fear that once we do that first haircut all those adorable little baby curls will come off and not come back. And I love those little curls.

I was telling my mom today how I can't even imagine life without her. I remember before she was born I was so confused and felt like my life was SO full with just The Boy. I couldn't imagine someone else being in our little family. But now...it seems like life would be so dull without her around. She is so freaking funny and such a bright shining light of happiness...I simply cannot imagine her not being here and being a part of our family. Thankfully I don't have to.

The Big Girl

Dear Peanut,

I thought I wasn't going to write you another letter until you were 18 months old, but I simply had to. You turned 15 months old today and I really need to remember what a fabulous age this is. You are becoming your own little girl more and more everyday. Your personality is coming out and you now have distinct likes and dislikes and mood swings and belly laughter and an appreciation for the world around you more than ever before. There are so many things about who you are today that I don't ever want to forget so I must document them. I am not nearly as organized as I was during your monthly letters so I am going to go at this bullet style and then follow up with a few pics and call it a day. Sound good?

• There is just no way to try and categorize you as a baby anymore. You are SO in the realm of toddler. The other day your brother referred to you as his baby sister and even a perfect stranger told him, "She's not a baby anymore..." No more denying it. My "baby" is gone. But I'm okay with that because each day is better than the last where you're concerned.
• You started walking for real the day I posted about you walking with your new shoes. Prior to that you would walk between people if prompted but from that day forward, no more crawling. At all. You are upright, all the time. Crawling is so last month!
• I simply cannot get over how much you talk. I know I have mentioned it on here before and I have no real comparison given that your brother had speech issues from a young age, but DAMN!! You talk all the time. Real words. I started counting how many words you had the other day so I knew for your doctors appt and I stopped counting at 35. That's insane. Not all of them are pronounced perfectly, but they work. You are a talker. You are following in your Mommy's footsteps in that vain my daughter...
• Speaking of that, you call your brother "bruh-dah" and I think it's the cutest thing ever. You adore him. Except for when you don't, but mostly you love, love, love him. The other day he was gone for most of the day and you walked around the house calling for him. When he finally got home you squealed with such excitement and yelled "bruh-duh! Heyo bruh-duh!!" So effing sweet...
• Your growing. Specifically your feet. About a month ago I bought you a new pair of shoes in a size 4. The week before that (literally one week) you had measured a 3 1/2 so I bought you a pair of those. Then just last week I couldn't stuff your little feet into the 4's. So I went out, again, and got you measured and bought you some new 4/5's. You are officially a 4 1/2. Not huge, but again that is a full size growth in like 6 weeks. Again, your brother wore the same size shoes each time for like a year. He only wears an 8 now and he's four years old. So no experience with this whole fast growing thing. It wears me out a little bit. Good thing I like buying you shoes.
• Now that you're walking you have to be carrying something around at all times. You think it is just too cool to be able to move AND carry your toys, so there is always at least one toy in each hand. Your favorite thing to carry, by FAR, is your brother's straw cup. If I fill it with water, you will drink out of it. And then take another drink...cause, you know, it's fun...and then realize that you have WAY too much water in your mouth so you spit it out. Rinse and repeat. I have learned to just give you an empty cup. That seems to make you happy.
• You still only have the 6 teeth but dear GOD...you have to be teething. Your hands are in your mouth constantly. And I swear you're going to get more than just the 6 teeth...
• Even though you only have 6 teeth you have NO problem eating pretty much anything I put in front of you. You could gum a steak if I would give it to you. The other night you scarfed an entire chicken apple sausage. You can still swallow and eat things your brother refuses to even touch.
• However. You are not the magical eater you once were. You know have cravings and grudges and moods. What you will one day scarf with pure unabandoned joy, the next day you will spit out at me like I have given you poison. Then the next day? Somehow fabulous again. I now have to show you the food item before trying to give it to you and you either say "no," or "nom." We proceed accordingly.
• On that note, I am no longer allowed to simply put food on your tray. If I do so, you will just immediately take your hands and wipe it all clean onto the floor. No thank you. What you prefer (actually insist) is that I put your food onto a fork and hand you the fork. You then put the fork into your own mouth and hand it back to me. Then I am allowed to put another item onto your fork (after properly checking with your whims first) and hand it to you. We proceed like this through the entire meal. If I am trying to eat my own meal at the same time? One of us is usually unsuccessful. I give you one guess on the one who goes hungry.
• You wave at everything. The cats. Your Gigi. You wave goodbye to me when you leave a room. But you absolutely refuse to wave to someone you don't know, or if I happen to ask you to wave to someone. That gets refused. But by far the cutest wave happens at the end of the night when I put you in your crib and tell you goodnight. You wave night night to me. You have your binky in your mouth so you smile around it and wave. And my heart melts. Every single night.
• You are happy about 90% of the time. Seriously a totally happy little girl. Unless something doesn't go your way. Example: Your brother takes the toy back that you have just stolen from him. You have to have your diaper changed when you are in the middle of something MUCH more important. Someone DARES to shut the baby gates on you when you are high tailing it into said room illegally. Someone has the nerve to not understand your pointing and grunting communication technique and offers you something different than what you actually want. Or god forbid we are sitting up on a bed or couch or something that you can't get up onto and therefore feel left out. If any of the above scenarios occur you scream like...well like a little girl. Loud and high pitched. The length of your scream depends on how serious you deem the infraction against you. You have been known to let out just a high pitched scream and then to move on literally the next second, but you have also been known to cry for over a half an hour if you're really good and pissed.
• Okay Mommy has gotten a little out of control with the bullet points. It's clear that I think you're the cutest thing in the universe right now and I want to just put a little bubble around it and capture every moment in my memory so I never forget. But for now we'll just do a few pics and call it a night.

Mommy still isn't sure what to do about your hair. I put it up every day in either one pony tail on top of your head, or pig tails. And if I didn't? Here's what it would look like all the time:

Here you are practicing walking. This was all you wanted to do on our "staycation" a few weekends ago. There was a little slope/ramp thing and you just went up and down trying to master the balance it took...
Now that you can walk you think you should be able to drag the rest of us around with you. Here you are trying to convince your Gramps that you are not nearly as entertained by snakes as your brother.
You have NO fear. None. You see your brother going up and down that slide and you want to be a part of it too. You go up to pretty much anyone and bat your eyelashes and point to the slide like, "Can't you possibly just put me up there just this one time? Pretty please?" And then when you find a sucker to agree, you immediately demand that they repeat the process over and over and over and over...until they are ready to pass out.
This is pretty much all I see of you these days. Walking away from me ready to explore the world...a toy in your hand and another on the floor that you got sick of carrying.
Keep walking my little girl. I will be following and supporting you from every angle. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. Happy 15 months old baby.

PS--This is my 350th post! Holy crap, that's a lot of blogging!

Happy 1st Birthday Peanut

Oh my god. You're a year old. How did that happen? Seriously. How the hell did that happen? But here we are. And my daughter...what an amazing year this has been.

I want you to know that you are pure joy and sunshine. You bring smiles and happiness wherever you go. I cannot even begin to list the ways you have enriched my life. I always knew I wanted two kids. Always. But what I didn't know is that I wanted you. I wanted the smiles and the love along with the defiant fist pumps. I wanted the confidence and strengths along with the strong-willed nature. I wanted it all and I wanted you. And here you are.

At a year old you weigh 19.13 pounds, you stand 28 3/4 inches tall (you are a little Peanut just like your Mommy--a delicate flower like I have been saying all along...). You have 6 teeth. Four on the top, two on the bottom. You wear size 12 month pants and size 12-18 month shirts. You crawl everywhere at speeds that amaze people. I am constantly hearing, "Damn...that girl can MOVE!" You stand up on everything and transfer between furniture while standing but don't yet take any steps on your own.

You have a list of words that you use in the proper context: Up, down, Mama, Gigi, all done, uh oh, poop poop, hi and bye, thanks, and you also will try and mimic any words we tell you to say. Today when we told you about the fish on the wall you said fish. You amaze me with your little vocabulary. We have an alarm on the house and therefore anytime a door opens there are three little beeps that sound. Every time you hear the beeps you look up and smile and yell, "HI!!!" as if every time I am going out to the garage it means that someone is here to see you. When Gigi picks up her purse to leave you look at her and say "Bye!!" The little voice is so damn sweet. Remind me of this when you're four and I would give anything to have a moment of silence. Because I seriously see that in my future. But right now, it is a welcome little voice.

You love your kitty lovey most of all. You are pretty fond of your binkys but you know they are for the crib only so when you get up you say, "bye bye" and then throw it over the edge of the crib when I take you out. You love your Mommy and your brother and your Gigi and you have a pretty special relationship with your Poppy as well. There are so many people who love you. Your favorite toys right now are a toy cow that has buttons on it that plays music when you push the buttons. You love that damn thing. You would kill a small army to get your hands on my car keys. Your brother's "Kevin" doll is something so coveted that when you actually get your little hands on it you go tearing out of the room to hide it so he doesn't snag it back. You love to dance to music and clap your hands and you basically just love life.

You are a good sleeper going from 8:00 at night until around 7:00 in the morning, although you get up sometime around 6:00ish to nurse and then go back to sleep. Speaking of nursing...WE MADE IT! I can't believe we did it but together, you and I, we exclusively nursed you for a full year. Mommy is probably more stoked on that accomplishment than you are, but damn girl...we did it. Now the challenge is going to be figuring out how to stop doing it. I have no intention of taking away your before bed and first thing in the morning nursing, but the days? The things that force me to pump? Yeah. Those have got to stop.

I chose not to give you a big birthday party because I don't think that's what you would have wanted. Too many people around and you get shy. You get clingy. You are at your best surrounded by just a few people that you love to death. So that's what we did. And I think I made the right call. I think you had a damn fine birthday. Here are some pictures from the big day. First thing in the morning I sat you on your bean bag for your last "bean bag photo" and I was greeted with this reaction:

I don't know if the excitement was from being done with bean bag photos or because it was your birthday but you gave me your all! Thank you for that. I will stop torturing you with those photos now. But we got a really nice slide show out of it that hopefully one day you will enjoy. I am sorry I had to take you to daycare on your birthday but Mommy got sick with food poisoning the day before your birthday and was so behind on her work that I had no choice. But you partied there all day and when we picked you up it was time to party some more. Here you are with Mommy right after you got home.
After a lovely wholesome dinner it was time to open your gifts. If I'm being honest, your brother did most of the opening and you ate the paper that he discarded but you really seemed to dig the gifts that you got. Here you are playing with a cool wooden walker toy that Mommy got for you.
And then my dear...it was time for the cake. You have never had any sweets up until this point in your life so I wasn't sure if you would go crazy or turn your nose up. You weren't sure what to think initially either... A whole cake, just for you? Is this legal?
You played with the cake but didn't eat a whole lot. Not sure if it's because you were full or if you just didn't really dig the sweets thing. I guess time will tell. You sure made a good mess though and really, that's what it's all about.
My baby girl, you have given me such a wonderful last year. You will never truly understand all the joy and happiness you have brought to my life. You completed our family. I finally feel complete. I feel full. Full of joy and of love and of pride that I am blessed with two of the best kids there are. I have been telling you all year long that you are my little ray of sunshine. And you always will be. I love you dearly Peanut. Happy first birthday.

Happy 11 Months Old Peanut

Dear Baby Girl,

I am not going to be able to call you that for much longer. I really can't believe that this time next month I am going to be writing your one year post. I think back to this time last year and I can't believe how far we have come. You made it here nice and healthy and you have continued to be a healthy little girl and you really have no idea how happy that makes me.

That being said...ahem...you are quite the...opinionated little girl. You are loud and boisterous and confident and strong and quite frankly, hysterical. You are still my little ray of sunshine because 99% of the time you are the happiest little girl I have ever come across. People always say to me, "Is she always this happy?" And I answer, "Yes. Except for when she isn't." A few examples of when you aren't? When you are crawling towards the kitchen and I blatantly shut the baby gates on you. That makes you quite pissed. When your brother shuts his door and doesn't let you into his room to play with him. When you feel as though you need something and I am not moving quite fast enough to satisfy you. And dear lord if you're hungry...you are simply unpleasant to be around if you are hungry.

Speaking of hunger...I am very proud to say that you are still being breast fed. You mostly just nurse first thing in the morning, before your naps and before bed. And except for the first morning nursing session I am constantly amused at how you deal with your own personal moral dilemma. The dilemma being that you really want to nurse, but you also don't want to miss one thing going on while you are nursing. So this usually results in you nursing while wiggling around and putting your butt up in the air, and banging on my face and my chest with your hands and generally just wiggling around like a little monkey while trying to keep yourself latched on. It is quite amusing. I am more done with pumping than you will probably ever understand until you have a child of your own, but I have committed to keeping it up until you are a year old. I don't plan on cutting you off the boob cold turkey at a year, but the pumping? Yeah that is done. I doubt you'll be too upset though because according to your daycare, you no longer want the bottle. You drink what little breast milk you drink during the day in your sippy cup, and even that is a sparse amount (they tell me maybe 4 ounces a day).

You are far more interested in eating "big people food." Also you want to do it yourself. You are pretty much done with the pureed food (thank you for that) and just want to eat finger foods. Some of your favorite foods right now are: Turkey meatballs from Trader Joes, teriyaki flavored tofu, a mixture of peas, corn, black beans and kidney beans, you love all deli meat, fish (talapia seems to be your favorite), broccoli, mandarin oranges, apple sauce, pasta with tomato sauce, sourdough bread, sweet potatoes...I could go on. Have I mentioned that you're a good eater? I love that about you.

You are crawling as fast as I can walk and pulling yourself up to standing on everything. You are just starting to hold on while standing and "transfer" from the couch to the ottoman but you mostly still just sit back down and crawl where you want to go and then stand back up. You sign "all done" and "milk" and just clap ridiculously when you want more. You make sounds that sound like a few words but I would hesitate to label them as actual words at this point. But you "say" bye bye, mamamama, Gigi, all done and up. This has been the month of the teeth, god help us all. You now have the two teeth on the bottom, and on the top you have three of your top four with the final one about to poke through at any time. You pretty much scream during the night when a tooth is about to pop through and I can't say as though I blame you; looks awfully uncomfortable. You usually only take one nap per day, which I find quite annoying, but that also depends on what time you get up in the morning.

A daycare day goes like this: I wake you up at 6:00am to nurse and then put you back to bed while I get in the shower and get ready for work. You get up anywhere between 7:00 and 8:00am usually. We leave to go to daycare at 8:15am and I pick you up sometime before 5:00pm. When we get home first thing you do is nurse and then off to play until dinner time. At dinner time you sit with the family and eat while we eat. Then we do a quick bath, jammies and a little play time before around 7:45pm when we do our night time routine which involves darkness, your lovey ("Kitty"), and nursing. Then I put you in your crib and you fart around in there for a while before you go to sleep.

Weekends are similar except for the getting you up at 6:00am to nurse. That just happens whenever you feel like it and if it is before 7:00am I put you back to bed but if it's after that you just come to bed with Mommy and hang out. Your brother joins us (or will be there first sometimes) and our usual routine is for the three of us to hang out in Mommy's bed until around 8:30 or 9:00am. I think that might be my most favorite part of the entire week; when all three of us just get to relax and roll around in bed. It's fantastic. Then we just enjoy our day. You eat when we eat with a few snacks of nursing here and there but basically have left the world of "babyhood" and entered into just joining the family with what we have to do.

Let's look at your month in pictures. The weather finally got nice these past couple of weeks and you have been outside for the first time since you could move around on your own. It has been interesting to see you crawl around in the dirt and grass and get filthy but enjoy exploring this new part of your world. This was your first taste of crawling on the grass...

And then when it really warmed up, you got to experience your back yard for the first time this year. You hung out on the patio (didn't have any desire to be on the grass) while your brother played with a friend on his play structure.
Here is a shot of you plotting your destruction, and also deciding whether or not it is worth it to scream at me to see if I will let you in behind the gates...
You experienced your first St. Patrick's Day this year and both you and your brother wore green. And as per usual, trying to get a shot of both of you was most difficult and we had to choose this unfortunate shot with your brother looking like he is smelling bad cheese because you were screaming in all the other shots because I hadn't given you something to hold in your hand. Silly Mommy.
It was also your Gigi's birthday this week and while your brother was being a punk and refused to take a shot with his beloved Gigi, you were all too willing to be the "good child" and pose with the birthday girl.
And oh dear...how long did I commit to taking these monthly bean bag shots? Just a year right? Cause it is getting to the point where it isn't so much fun to try and get a shot of you sitting still in a place that I deem appropriate for a picture. You laugh hysterically and arch your back to try and get off the bean bag...
You immediately roll over to get off that way...
You just blatantly get off the shot and crawl over to me with the camera because apparently you think you could get a better shot if only I would just give you the camera so you can do it yourself...
And really, the only shot I can get of you on the damn bean bag is when I use my hand to hold you there and simultaneously tickle you to try and make you laugh. So here is your final 11 month old bean bag shot...
I love you my little Peanut. You continue to bring joy and light into my world and our home. I can't even imagine life without you and although I am sad to see your babyhood coming to an end, I am excited to see the little girl you are becoming.