I get asked a lot, "How's it going with two kids?" "How are you managing?" And when people ask they sort of have this look on their faces like, are you regretting your decision to have two kids as a single mom?
In a word, NO. Not in the slightest.
It seems like an awfully long time ago when I was struggling telling people that I was pregnant. But as I think back I remember how very difficult it was. People don't like different. People don't like "out of the norm." And it is definitely out of the norm to be a single woman with a 3 year old son and make a decision to have another child. Another child that is born from a SPERM DONOR (gasp!! The horror!!!) no less. I surprised a lot of people with my decision. And most of the people in my world were nothing less than completely supportive. Of course those few that weren't stick out in my mind.
And now I am being asked about how it is all going now that she is here and we are settling into a routine. Is it hard? Absolutely. Am I tired? Completely. But do I regret it for a minute? Not in the slightest. I have no doubt in my mind that I made the right decision. Not only do I know that what I did was right for us, I am feeling so unbelievably at peace with my decision.
Before The Girl came along it was just me and The Boy. Just the two of us. The feeling I would use to describe it was us against the world. I think perhaps because when he was born there were three of us, and one of those three left us, it became just the two of us. It had to be us against the world. There was a loss there. It went from three down to two and that was one of the greatest disappointments of my life. I didn't want my son to be raised by just me. I wanted him to be raised in a two parent household. But that wasn't our path. That wasn't where we ended up. That is just how we evolved. It wasn't supposed to be just us, but that is where we ended up.
I felt antsy. I felt like I wasn't done. Every birthday that passed I felt like I was working against a clock. I wasn't done yet. There was still more to do. Time needed to stand still so I could catch up. And the thing that was missing was another child. I felt it in my bones. I wanted and needed to bring her here. Not only for me, but for my son as well. I fought hard to make it happen. I went against what everyone thought was "right" and I fought to complete my family. So when she came into the world there was no loss. Only a gain. I brought her here all by myself. She was an addition as opposed to a subtraction.
And now? Now I feel like we are a family. There is no more "us against the world." We are a family. A complete family. She completes us. She made us into a family. I don't know how to put the feeling into words. To try and describe it is impossible. It is exhaling. It is slowing down and breathing and taking in the world around us. I no longer feel like time is working against me. I'm good. I have done what I needed to do. Now I am able to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. And what an amazing ride it is.
The other night my son came out into the living room and noticed a new collage of pictures that I had hung on the wall of our recent photo shoot. He looked at me and said, "Mommy, dat my family." Yes it is my boy. Yes it is indeed.
Having my daughter was perhaps the best decision I have ever made. Is it tough being a single mom of two young kids? You bet. Are there times when I feel so overwhelmed that I am not sure how to make it through the day? Yes, there are. On the nights when the baby is up every two hours and The Boy gets up at 6:0oam am I more tired than I thought possible? You bet. But it is so worth it. I wouldn't change any of it. Not for anything in the world.
I am at peace. And I am happier than I have ever been in my life. She completes us...