First Date

I am going on a date tonight. This is the first real date I have been on in over 11 years!

I have talked quite a bit to her already so I am sure it is going to go great. I am more excited than anything else. I can't even tell you how strange it feels to be doing this. I'll keep you all posted!

I Hate It

• I hate it that my kid has to have weight checks every 3 months.
• I hate it that the last 3 weight checks have been bad news.
• I hate it that my gastro doctor had to point out that The Boy has not gained an ounce in over 9 months and gave us a one month "hail Mary" to have him gain a little something before it was time to go bad on meds.
• I hate it that at said one month "hail Mary" he hadn't gained anything. Not an ounce.
• I hate it that it's time to put him back on medication.
• I hate watching him take the medication and then suffer the side effects of taking it (extreme tiredness and lethargy).
• I hate it that, although it makes him tired, it does seem to work a little.
• I have having to decide between my kid eating enough to sustain his little life, and my kid being mentally alert enough to grow and thrive.
• I hate that, after 5 years...I am still talking about this.

I'm SO That Parent Right Now

I apologize for what you're about to see, but for documentation purposes I feel that I must show the artwork that came home with The Boy after his first week in Kindergarten. He used to be able to bring his stuff home everyday after he finished it. He has wanted so badly to bring his stuff home at the end of each school day only to be told it must wait for Friday. So when I picked up him on Friday he was bursting at the seems.

It appears that he spent a good portion of his first week drawing. And these are his favorites. I think he's doing pretty damn good. :)

It appears this is "part of the ocean but I didn't have time to finish the water." So that is a jelly fish, a star fish, a giant squid, and a cat fish.

This is his page of bugs and things that fly.
There must have been some talk about this bird this week because there were quite a few versions of this. According to his writing at the bottom, this is a "short tailed albatross"
This is apparently a dinosaur getting attacked by a flying dinosaur and then him flying away.
And his personal favorite...and the one that is hanging on my fridge right now, this is a monarch butterfly. He traced this and then colored it in. All the other ones were free-hand, but this one was traced. But he knows I love these so he made it just for me.
I am still just completely warm, fuzzy over his new kindergarten. I feel like I made SUCH a good choice. More later on that...

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend!

SO Out of Practice

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I have ventured into the world of online dating. Right now I am registered on two sites. The experience has been...interesting.

***Let me take a moment to say that the stuff I am about to mention reflects my personal tastes and attractions in women FOR ME. I am in no way trying to offend anyone, but like with all people, there are certain "types" that I tend to be more attracted to than others. Doesn't mean I don't think those other "types" are wrong in any way, shape or form. It's just that I might not want to date them...

Okay with that out of the way, let me say that the online dating experience started off pretty much as I expected. I tend to mostly be categorized as a "femme" or a lipstick lesbian because I am very feminine looking, I wear makeup, I dress like a girl and most people who run into me on the street do not know that I am gay upon meeting me. Because of this I tend to mostly attract the more "butch" looking women. So the first several people who contacted me fell into this category. Unfortunately for me, as a general statement, this is not the type of woman I am attracted to. Of course there are some exceptions, but for the most part, my ideal mate would also be categorized as a "femme" as well. So while I chatted with several of these women, none of them presented an attraction to me. But it was a nice way to sort of dip my toe back into the waters, for lack of a better term.

I have also contacted several women that I was interested in or attracted to and I ended up being in the place where I was emailing back and forth with two women. And this is where I tell you that I am SO out of practice at this. The last time I was "dating" was 1999. I have "dated" a total of 3 women total in my entire life, and the last one was my Ex whom I was with from 2000 until 2008 (off and on at the end). And since 2008 I have been nothing but a mom. So this whole experience is completely new to me.

These are the things that I have learned so far through this process.

• I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing
• I need to start thinking about myself as something other than a "mom."
• I have no clothes at all that could be considered sexy
• Women are much bolder than I am used to

However there are also some good things that I have learned so far.

• Flirting can actually be kind of fun
• It's important to remember that I am a person too...not just a mom
• It's a nice ego boost to have other people tell you that you're pretty and sexy
• There IS life after a breakup and kids

As of now, I am really only chatting with one woman. She has a 4 year old daughter at home so she understands a lot of how my life is right now. And because of both of us being single moms we haven't made the time to try and get babysitters and meet yet. We are talking on instant message every couple of days and getting to know each other. She lives about an hour away from me and appears to be a regular woman with a full time job and a life. I like that about her. The "getting to know each other" phase is pretty fun. We will just have to see where it all ends up. Neither of us is looking to find "the one" and jump into some crazy relationship, but it would be nice to have someone to go on a date with every once in a while. Hopefully soon we can arrange a meeting.

So that's been my experience in online dating so far. Strange, yet fun, yet scary, yet exhilarating. I'll keep you all posted. :)

He's a School Boy Now...

Tomorrow is the official first day of school, but The Boy has gone to his new kindergarten both yesterday and today for half days. He also went on Friday to meet his teachers and check out his classroom. All of this combined with an afternoon at the park yesterday with his classmates has made the transition into kindergarten a great one.

I worried so, so much...remember all the posts? The great kindergarten debate? Well, things fell into place like they usually do. Randomly running into one of his old teachers in the Trader Joe's parking lot (who told me about the school he is in now) changed everything for the better. Yes, this is a private school, which was NOT my first choice. Not only for the money part of it, but because I went to public school...I wanted to support my local public schools. But it just wasn't in the cards. And you know what? It was the best decision I could have made.

I cannot tell you how awesome his classroom is. I walk around that place and think, man I would love to learn here. And apparently, The Boy feels the same. This morning he asked me if he was going back to kindergarten and I told him yes. "Hooray!!" he cheered. When we got ready to leave this morning he grabbed his lunch box, his water bottle and said, "Ready to go to kindergarten!" as he ran out the door. We got there a few minutes early today and his classroom wasn't open yet. He was so excited to get to check out all the books in the library. He looked up at me, sitting there with his little eyes shining..."I am going to learn SO MUCH STUFF in this school Mommy..." And he will.

And I am more proud of him than I ever thought I could be. My biggest goal during all of the choices and stresses about getting him into a good school was wanting him to continue his love of learning. My child (probably all children) LOVES to learn. And I just didn't want that fire to go out. I wanted to keep that fire burning for a really long time. And with his new school? I think that fire will be burning for the next 6 years at least!

Here he is on Monday morning...again, not the official "first day of school photo" (that will come tomorrow morning), but this was the first morning we went to the new school. Note the pose? He did that himself. He was so excited that he was dancing. Can't ask for much more than that.

Now remind me of all of this in future years when I am complaining that I am in the poor house as a result of my child's education...

Pictures from Our Trip to the Mountains

This is my two babies playing on my very favorite lake in the whole world. And also the very same lake that I used to play in when I was their age...

A picture of said lake, sans children:
Wading in the water and throwing a ton of rocks = great time had by all!
My big boy...when did this happen?
A little love between Mommy and Peanut on the deck of my cabin:
Because, OF COURSE you have to read books in the house with your sunglasses on...
The Boy, The Ex and my cousin going on a boat ride:
Peanut, myself and my cousin enjoying a boat ride:
The Boy being goofy while we were out on the boat:
Peanut trudging through the "forest" (actually the way to the parking lot):
Look! The Boy caught a moth!
He was also obsessed with the stuffed quail of my grandfather's from inside the cabin:
Right before we left we went to a place to feed the fishies. They loved it!
Of course The Boy ran all the way around the little pond to make sure ALL the fish got some food...
Once they were out of food, they just sat and watched them...
Shortly after that, we headed home. Such a wonderful trip!

Hello!!

Since apparently the few readers that I still have are wondering if I'm alive and well, I feel like I should put a little something up here. And to answer that question, yes, we are all alive and well. Things are going great actually. It's been a busy summer and for once, I am trying to enjoy it and get away from the computer a little bit. As I have alluded to before, I went through a little rough patch in July but I am happy to say that things are much better and that thanks to a great therapist and the help of a pharmaceutical I feel better than I have in years. Depression is something I have struggled with on and off ever since college. I have been on anti depressants since that time, but went off of them both times when I had my kids. Shortly after The Boy was born, and around the time when my marriage fell apart, I went back on them. Then I weaned off again to get pregnant with The Girl and had been off them for 3 years since then. Well The Boy's repeated sicknesses and his battle with weight combined with the stress it takes to raise two kids by yourself, own your own business, and try and stay in your house during a horrific recession all stacked up against me and I hit a pretty low point. About the middle of July I decided it was time to go back on the meds. Best decision I have made in a long time. I feel like a new person. So if things have been quiet over here, that's pretty much why. Life was really overwhelming and then I had to deal with the inevitable side effects of going back on medication (all which have gone away at this point), and well... Here we are.

So enough of the depressing stuff. I will try and give you a quick rundown of what we've been up to. First let's start with The Boy. As I mentioned, he was really sick and lost a ton of weight and at our last gastro appointment (he gets weight checks every couple of months), I got "the look" from our doctor. He had not gained one ounce in over 6 months, and for a little dude like him, that is NOT good news. Our usual three month weigh-ins have been changed to monthly and when we go back in a couple of weeks, if there is no improvement we are going to have to put him back on an appetite stimulating medication.

I have been rethinking my stance on his food intake a lot recently. Up until lately my thoughts have been that since he puts SO little in his body in the first place, I need to make what actually goes in count. And because of that I make sure most of the things he eats are healthy and high in protein and/or carbs. I don't want him to load up on sugar just to get the calories and then crash down. So if he asked me for some Pringles or something I would usually say, "how about an apple," or "how about a string cheese." Now I am not so sure if this is the right method anymore. Maybe I just need to load him up on a ton of Oreos or something. I just don't know. But it sure is frustrating. It continues to be a work in progress.

Other than that he is doing great. He starts kindergarten at the Private Montessori school next week and he is super excited. This is his last week at his current preschool, which I LOVE, so I am sad about that. But if The Girl ever decides she will pee pee in the potty we can send her there, so hopefully we will see them again soon. He is still firmly in the dinosaur obsession and is also super into coloring and drawing right now. Still my happy little sweetheart that I love more than life.

The Girl is also doing good. I don't really know what to say about her except that she is a total character. She is so freaking funny, she makes me laugh all the time. She is also super stubborn and if she's in a mood? Watch out! But her language skills amaze me on a daily basis, her facial expressions are priceless and watching her dance is one of my favorite pasttimes. I just adore that little girl. She has fire and she has spunk. I'll post some new pictures soon.

We took a wonderful vacation up to my cabin in the mountains a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing. I have been going to that cabin since I was 2 and to now get to see my kids fall in love with it? Really an emotional experience. My son slept in the bunk bed that I always slept in. Both of my kids instantly fell in love with sitting in the river throwing rocks. They both talked all about the nature and the lakes and going out in the boat... It really filled up my emotional tank spending that time with them. Again, once I get home, I will post some pictures from that for you all to see. (I'm blogging at work...ssshhhh...don't tell).

On a totally personal note, when I was in the midst of the depression crap I had a hard time eating and as a result lost about 15 pounds. I have kept it off and added a few more to the loss column, so I am looking much better than I have in a few years. I have actually had to go out and buy some new clothes. But between that, and my meds, I feel great. And I have actually put myself out there on a couple of online dating sights. It's fun emailing and getting to know new people although I haven't gone out on any actual dates yet. But it's fun and for the first time in years, I feel like I am actually doing something for me. And that's nice. So there's that. :)

So that's what's been going on lately. I am going to try and get back into blogging again and keep you all up to date on how The Boy's new school goes as well as the other crazy escapades of our lives. If you are still here and still reading, thanks! Hope everyone had a great summer!