You Can't Make This $hit Up!

This was my post on facebook yesterday:

2 sick kids + no Gigi + last week in January = my own private hell.

Yes, both my kids have colds. Nasty ones. And probably neither one of them should be going to school. But my backup (mother) is basking away in the sun drinking Mai Tai's in Hawaii. So I forced them to go. The Girl is sicker than The Boy and it became apparent that she probably needed to stay home today. So I moved around my schedule and was able to cancel all of my clients for the day so I could work from home (HA!) and take care of her. However after sleeping MUCH later than usual, once she got up it appeared she was better. Not great, and definitely still sick, but not as bad as yesterday and no fever. After being home with me for a couple of hours she was asking to go to school and see her friends so I took her and told them to please call me if she got worse or needed to come home. They didn't call. I got to have lunch with a good friend and got a bunch of work done at home. Yay for me.

But don't go congratulating me yet.

So my kitchen sink has been dripping. I mentioned this to The Ex and asked her if that's something that should warrant a call to a plumber (read: $$$) or if I should just let it drip until it gets bad. She said she would come over tonight and take a look at it; that it was probably just a worn out washer or something that she could fix and save me the money of a plumber who would do the same thing but charge me big bucks. I agreed to cook her dinner and she came over. After dinner she went to work on the sink.

All of a sudden I hear a big crash and then water. Lots and lots of water. I look into the kitchen and she is holding the top of one of the handles while water was GUSHING out of the faucet itself. She goes, "I need a little help here!" I came running in and she told me to go under the sink and turn off the shut off valve on the right side under the sink. I throw everything under the sink onto the floor and attempt to turn the valve. It's really hard to turn (and admittedly I am not the strongest thing in the world) and I turned and turned and turned and finally it stopped. But the water did not. I said, "It's off." And she goes, "Ummm...no...apparently it isn't." So we switched places with me holding the water (so it didn't shoot straight up and therefore ALL over my kitchen, which was already sopping wet) and her going under the sink. After a minute she confirms that it is, indeed shut, and WTF!?!?! Why isn't the water going off? So she grabs a pipe wrench or a something and runs outside and eventually turns off the water to the entire house. I start mopping up the mess. Fuck.

It was at this point that I asked her why she didn't turn off the freaking water to the sink BEFORE screwing around with the parts. She explains that she wanted to be able to see where the leak was coming from. Seems a little strange to me but apparently there was a broken part in the handle to the faucet all along that was causing the drip and that broken part would have eventually given way and the entire thing would have gone to shit at some point anyway. But that doesn't really matter right now. All that matters is that the faucet is now busted. And since the shut off valve to the kitchen sink apparently doesn't work, I have no water to the entire house. So she heads off to the hardware store to replace the broken part.

You know where this is going, right? Right. The part is no longer made. So she buys an entirely new faucet while she's there. Problem solved? Of course not. For some reason my pipes are some funky size and it doesn't fit. Of course.

It was about at this time that I seriously lost my shit. I have no water to my entire house. I obviously have to call a plumber but when the hell am I going to meet them? I moved my entire schedule around to be at home with sick kids today so I am 100% completely booked every single minute of the entire day tomorrow. And have I mentioned I have a total of TWO work days to finish ALL my stuff for January? Tomorrow is one of those days. When exactly I am supposed to be home to meet a plumber is beyond me. Not to even mention what this whole shit is going to cost me. Did I mention my mom is in Hawaii having drinks? Oh I did? Yeah, well she's STILL there. Grrr... I cannot go over 24 hours with no water to my entire house. And while I am having this conversation The Boy goes into the potty and pees and...you guessed it...flushes the toilet. Everyone knows when there is no water you have exactly one flush. And he used it. We have three bathrooms but that was one down. Fuck again.

So The Ex goes back to the hardware store. I sat down and had a good cry. Because...really? REALLY???? I then called my BFF and ranted to her voicemail. Then I had to deal. I decided I would cancel my first thing in the morning client and call a plumber and take it from there. I decided I would beg The Ex to take a half day or something so I didn't have to cancel ALL of my clients if the plumber couldn't come until later...and I already felt stinky at the prospect of not being able to shower in the morning.

So The Ex came back and had bought caps for the kitchen sink. It wasn't easy, and we both got sopping wet (again) during the process but she got the damn things on. And we were able to turn the water back on to the rest of the house. So that's where things stand right now. I have no kitchen sink, which with two small children is a bit of a challenge. But you know what? It's 1000 times better than no water to the entire house so I'll take it. I'm going to work all day tomorrow and make some phone calls and hopefully on Friday (when I am home with the kids anyway) a plumber will be able to come out and fix this shit. And I'm sure it won't cost me much at all...