Friday, August 6, 2010

Too Quiet

For only the second time in his entire little life, The Boy is spending the night at The Ex's house. My therapist seems to think that I need to try and encourage this happening more often, although I tend to disagree. Selfishly, I love having my boy around. I don't need him to go away. It isn't like I have some hot date that I am going to go on when he is gone. I just have one less child in the house. And it's quiet. Too quiet. And I don't like it.

I should clarify that if The Ex asked me to have him spend the night more regularly I would totally let it happen. But she doesn't. In fact, I had to have three conversations with her to make tonight happen. She says all the "right" things when we talk about it. "Of course I would LOVE to have him come and stay with me...I miss him so much..." So I suggested that perhaps we should start having him spend the night one Friday night a month. She thought that was a GREAT idea. But then she never brought it up again. When I mentioned it to her, she reiterated that she thought it was a great idea, but this particular weekend wasn't good for whatever reason. So when she told me she was going out of town for a week to Mexico with her new girlfriend I proposed again that perhaps she could take her son this Friday before she leaves. She finally agreed.

One would think that if The Ex is taking The Boy for a night then perhaps I would have a night off, right? That apparently isn't how it works. Even though The Boy was SO excited he might have jumped out of his skin, and woke up every day this week asking me, "Is today the day I get to have a sleep over at Mom's house?" (So freaking sweet he makes me want to die...) I apparently don't get much of a break. When I still hadn't heard from her at 5:30 I was getting worried she would flake and then I would have to kill her and then I would be in jail, and really, that isn't good for either one of my kids... So I texted her and asked, "What's your timing for tonight?" She texted back, "I'll be there at 7:00pm." So...let me get this straight. You are "taking him" for the night to give me a night off yet I still have to feed him dinner, get him in his jammies and get him packed up for his night away with you? That's helpful. She got here right about 7:00 and after they packed up his toys that I hadn't included (because she let's him watch Spiderman, which I don't because of the violence, so she had to get a bunch of Spiderman toys...but I digress) she left at about 7:30pm. He goes to bed at around 8:00. So my "night off" consisted of a half an hour less with my child. And not only that, but it is during this time of night that I am done cleaning up after dinner and enjoying my kids. I try to be "done" with everything by around 7:00 each night so I can have some quality time with them for at least an hour before bedtime. So I still had all the work I normally do, but I just got less of the "good stuff."

No, I'm not bitter. I'm really not. Want to know why? Because my boy is SO happy. He is SO excited to go and I know he's having a great time. And really, when it all comes down to it, that's really all that matters. But...The Girl is in bed...and The Boy is not. Besides the 3 nights that I was in the hospital giving birth to his sister, this is only the second time ever in his entire four and a half years on this planet that he hasn't been with me. I am doing what's best for him, and I always will. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me. But I miss him. And it's quiet. Far too quiet.


Laraf123 said...

In 3.5 years, I've spent 5 nights apart from my son. (Four of which involved bringing his brother into our family.) It does feel very odd and not the least bit relaxing. Because you are a loving parent and want him to be happy, you are doing this--but gosh, it's so difficult. Hang in there.

Amy said...

I too have only been away from my oldest for 4 nights, 3 to bring her sister into the world and 1 with my best friends. It was definitely weird but I wasn't in the house for any of them so I suspect that would have been weirder. You're definitely doing the right thing though which is incredibly admirable. Its always amazing to me when co-parents dont want more time with their kids in divorce situations, i dont get it! Hang in there!