Sunday, August 22, 2010

What Would YOU Do?

So I don't know if you remember or not, but a couple of months ago I got a call in the middle of the day from The Girl's daycare. Another little girl had bit her. They had cleaned it all up and dealt with the issue and my daughter wasn't hurt too badly, although when I picked her up almost 5 hours later her skin still had the red outline of where the teeth had gotten her. My biggest fear at the time was not the my daughter had been bit; it was that she was going tolearn how to bite.

For a while they kept the little girl "biter" sequestered from the rest of the group. She continued to have issues and they never let her run free with the rest of the kids. She was in a bouncy seat, or she was in the highchair, or she was in a different room. But recently she has been out with the rest of the kids. I assumed this meant that the issue had been laid to rest. But the other day when I picked up The Girl I witnessed "the biter" (for lack of a better term...I know this poor girl shouldn't be labeled in that way, but I am obviously not going to use her name...) pick up her fist and clock my daughter in the face. The daycare ladies immediately told her NO! and removed her from the situation but not from the room. I was a little bit mortified, but also understand that kids will be kids so I let it go.

Fast forward to this weekend. The Girl has been hitting her brother a couple of times. In addition to that there have been several times where she has put her teeth onto us and not bitten down, but looked up at us while doing it and said, "No [Girl's name who has been biting]." So she knows it is wrong. And it is clear where it is coming from. She sees this other little girl doing it and knows it is wrong. But. There's always a "but" isn't there. She actually bit her brother twice this weekend. Actually twice today. Once this morning when he wouldn't give her his chair (I saw the two little teeth marks on the bottom and the 4 on the top) and he actually cried. It left a mark for about an hour. So it was pretty significant. I told her very firmly, "NO BITING!" and took her out of her brother's room and shut his door. She cried and came to me and said sadly, "No bite bruh-dah." She got it. But the fact remained that his door was shut for at least an hour. And every time she came to me and asked, "Bruh-dah?" I told her, "No. You bit brother. He doesn't want to play with you when you bite." And she would look at the ground and walk away muttering, "No bite bruh-dah." Then she would follow it up with, "No bite [Girl's name who was biting at school]." It is pretty clear to me where it came from. She did it again right before bed. She went in to sit on her brother's lap to watch his show when it was her bed time and he told her no and shoved her off and she reached around and bit him. Again, while doing it saying, "No [Girl's name from school]." This time he cried pretty hard. I told her "NO BITING" firmly again and put her outside of her brother's door and shut it while I dealt with him. She cried and cried. I went and got him a boo-boo pack and put it on his arm, which actually had a tiny little cut in it, and talked to him about what was going on. I told him someone at school was biting his sister and she was therefore learning how to bite. But I explained to him that I was punishing her every time she did it so she would learn it was not okay and under NO circumstances was he to EVER bite her back because he would be teaching her it was okay to bite. He seemed to get it.

I went outside to her and told her again NO BITING. She looked up at me crying and said, "Sorry bruh-dah." "No bite bruh-duh." She seems to get it. She knows it is wrong. But this little girl at school is doing it to her. I actually felt bad for her. She is getting such mixed messages. She's a little girl and she gets frustrated. And instead of being taught healthy ways to handle it, she is being taught horrific ways to handle it. Needless to say, I am NOT happy.

I will be having a chat with the lady who runs the daycare tomorrow morning. This has been going on for over a month. And if the little girl who is doing the hitting and biting hasn't learned by now how to not do that, then perhaps it is time for them to tell her she needs to go to a different daycare. I don't mean to sound insensitive. Really, I don't. But I am now dealing with the ramifications of her actions in my own household. I think it goes without saying but I will say it anyway...The Boy has NEVER bitten his sister. There is no violence here. There is one and only one place she is learning this stuff and it isn't the kind of thing I want my child to learn in school. If this continues to go one without any changes perhaps I have to look into moving my child somewhere where this isn't an issue. Because it is very difficult to work for 3 days a week teaching your child something is wrong, but then send her to a place right after that for 4 days where she is subconsciously taught that biting and hitting is okay. No wonder she is confused.

I am frustrated. Very frustrated indeed. Internet...what would YOU do?

And just cause I feel so bad talking about my precious baby as a is a picture of her at her brother's soccer practice over the weekend so you can all remember just how sweet and cute she is...

1 comment:

Laraf123 said...

Biting is common at this age, some toddlers do it and some don't. HOWEVER, you have a very clear antecedent. With her vocabulary your daughter probably would never have bitten her brother unless she witnessed this behavior. And we don't know how many times she saw it happen without a consequence. I hope you will post the result of your conversation with the daycare director. I definitely would not want my child in the same room with "the biter" but honestly, I'm not sure how to solve this problem.