Friday, January 23, 2009

When Someone Says, "I have Some News..."

Oh how very different the outcomes can be...

I heard that phrase twice last night.  The first time it was wonderful news.  I had taken one of my BFF out to dinner to celebrate her birthday that I had missed when we were in Hawaii.  Right before we placed our drink order she told me, "Well, I have some news."  It was followed by "We are pregnant."  Woo Hoo!!  How happy was I?  This is my oldest and dearest friend and we have been close since 7th grade.  Not only that, but her son is 4 1/2 months younger than my son.  So our kids are the same age.  And now?  Well now her second child will be 4 months younger than my second child.  How perfect is that?    I was so unbelievably excited and happy for her and her husband.  They are such a wonderful couple and truly one of those couples that I look to with envy and hope that I might find a partner one day and have the type of relationship that they have.  I could not have been happier for her.

I have 3 close girlfriends in my life.  And as of now, 2 of them are pregnant at the same time that I am.  It is such a wonderful thing to be able to raise your kids while your friends are going through it at the same time.  It makes for wonderful BBQ's and future family/friend vacations and allows you to seek advice from the people you trust most when going through the most challenging thing in the world:  Parenting.  And my other girlfriend that isn't pregnant?  Well she already has two kids and I don't think even I can convince her to bust out one more.  But her kids are around the same age as mine are, so I continue to be lucky in having my best friends to turn to when challenges arise.  So this was fabulous news indeed.

When I got home from dinner I sat down on my couch to rest my protruding stomach (because that milk shake after dinner was complete overkill and I felt as though I might burst from being so full).  The Ex, who had been watching The Boy, turned off the TV and turned to me and said, "Well, I have some news."  Of course I immediately assumed the worst.  She had lost her job, she was sick, something bad was surely about to happen...

But it wasn't necessarily bad news.  She has met someone.  And it looks as though it might get serious.  She has dated since we have split up, but it has never been anyone who would permanently stick around.  Well it seems as though this one might.  Unlike her previous girlfriends, this woman is an adult.  She is an adult who has a professional career, owns her own home, and quite honestly, sounds like a lovely woman.  To be totally honest, I really am very happy for The Ex.  Believe it or not, I want her to find love.  I want her to live a happy and fulfilling life.  And just because that wasn't the path for the two of us, that doesn't mean that I don't wish that for her.  And I give her credit for coming to me in the honest and truthful way that she did.  This is someone who will eventually meet our son (she hasn't met him yet), and if things go well, will eventually be someone who is a part of our son's life.  She takes that seriously and I appreciated how she came to me to talk to me about it.  It was a sad moment for both of us, and she cried while telling me about it.  She expressed that it was bittersweet because while she is happy and excited about her new relationship, it also highlights the fact that ours didn't turn out the way we wanted.  But she seems genuinely happy and I am truly happy for her.  It's just that...

Well I would like to have that too.  And no, hearing this news doesn't make me want my Ex back.  It doesn't take me down the path of memory lane and wish that I could turn back the clock and "do it right this time."  But it does make me wish that I too could find a new relationship.  It makes me hope for the future when I am in a place to do that.  Right now obviously isn't the time.  I am 25 weeks pregnant and that is not the time to do anything drastic.  For God's sake they say to not even get your hair cut differently while the pregnancy hormones are raging, so it definitely isn't the time to go out and get involved in a new relationship.  But I do miss that.  I miss having a partner.  I miss that feeling of having someone close to you and someone to lean on and trust.  And I miss the physical touch of another woman probably more than I should (again with the pregnancy hormones).  But it isn't my time...yet.  I made a conscious decision to have this second child on my own.  I made that decision knowing that it meant that I would be putting my personal life on hold for a little while to focus on building my family.  And I am still okay with that decision.  I still think it is the best decision for ME, and also for my growing family.  But hearing this news from The Ex just makes me feel a little...well I guess it is a little jealous.  Not jealous of her per se, but jealous of what she has found.  And it makes me feel wishful.  Wishful for my future.  Hopefully one day I will be writing a post about the wonderful new woman I have found to be a part of my family.  It just isn't my time yet.

And in the meantime...I am genuinely happy for both of the women who gave me "news" last night.  I truly am.  It just goes to show that you never can tell when what emotions are going to come up when someone close to you comes up to you and says, "Well, I have some news..."


AuntFancy said...

Awesome for the BFF! Congrats! And good for The Ex too. Some day your princess will come. You are an awesome woman; any woman would be lucky to have you and your children in her life.

After Hours said...

You WILL find someone great and it will work out. You know what to look for this time and all the right questions to ask.

As for the Ex- she could find a thousand people to date, fall in love with, or whatever BUT she has no idea how to make a relationship work and therefore will never have anything that truly lasts. She should find HERSELF first instead of dragging someone else down into her convoluted abyss..

Whew I feel better now for getting that off my chest.

And CONGRATS to the new undercover Mommy!!!