Thursday, March 3, 2011

Don't Cross Her, Don't Boss Her...

Thank you all so much for your kind comments and emails regarding my son's OT issues. That is why I love my friends inside the blog world. All of my friends in real life have perfectly healthy and wonderful kids and sometimes it is hard to talk about issues with them. Not that they aren't supportive and wonderful but there is just something about being able to hear from people who have been there, or people who are involved in the system, or just people who can read my rantings and understand. So thank you very much. Like I said in the post, I gave myself a little time to feel sorry for the situation and pout and be sad, and now it is business as usual. I am fine and ready to face whatever challenges we have and feel lucky that my son has so many GOOD things going for him as well.

Now...moving on to the other drama in my life: My daughter. I am trying to figure out how to express what is going on with her without just screaming, "SHE IS A FREAKING NIGHTMARE." Because while that statement is totally true, she is also equal parts adorable and cuddly and sweet. But when she's a nightmare? Oh my god. Seriously. Now you may think that I have some idea of how to do this whole child raising thing because I have a 5 year old son. Let me clarify. My son has given me some challenges, that is the truth, but almost all of them have been somewhat health related. He has given me virtually no behavioral challenges at all. I think he has had a total of 3 time outs in his entire life and my biggest challenge with him is that I don't hurt his feelings or damage his sensitive little self.

So I am not at ALL prepared for the fire storm that appears to be my daughter. Whatever she does, she does it 100%. So if she's being sweet and cute? Cutest thing you have ever come across in your life. But if she's being "challenging?" Well batten down the hatches people because she is going to rattle the windows. Here are a few examples:
  • Last week at the mall we had a lovely lunch after which we were getting The Boy a treat (for doing so well at his OT evaluation) in the Disney store. She was fine; being cute and great etc... Then for some reason outside the Disney store she decided she wanted to climb in and out of her stroller. I don't need to tell you that we were all not going to stand there for hours while she played, so she was given the option of either walking with us, or sitting in the stroller. Neither of those were good enough for her. She wanted in and out and in and out and in and out. And nothing else would suffice. So after discussing it with her for a minute or two I realized we were at a stand still and put her in her stroller and strapped her in. She screamed bloody murder at the top of her lungs. She screamed to that point where you're walking through the mall and the people without kids are looking at you like, "Take that OBNOXIOUS child out of here!!" and the people who DO have kids were giving you that sympathetic look like, " sorry...been there...hang in there!" She finally screamed and wiggled enough to get herself out of her straps and stood up on her stroller and was about to leap over the side when I picked her up. By this point she had worked herself into a tissy and as soon as I picked her up she calmed down and put her head on my shoulder and relaxed immediately. My grandmother looked over at me and goes, "She won."
  • Yesterday as we were getting ready to leave for school I said, "Time to clean up. Time to go bye bye." She looked at me and yelled, "No keen up! No bye bye." I told her, yes, it was time to go. She walked over to a tea set she has, picked the whole thing up and threw it at me and said, "No keen up. NO bye bye." And just looked at me like eff you lady. I told her to pick up her tea set, we needed to leave. She then yelled, "NO PICK IT UP!" and proceeded to lay down flat on her stomach on the floor. I told her if she didn't pick it up she would go to the time out chair. She again repeated, "NO KEEN UP." So I picked her up and carried her to her time out chair. Where the screaming began. And the yelling, "I WANT GO BYE BYE!!" I had to physically keep her there in the chair all the while calmly telling her we don't throw our toys and when Mommy says it's time to clean up that means clean up. She finished her (one minute) time out and we left for school. She pouted on the way there even though when she was done I made sure to sit her down and repeat why she had gotten the time out and that I loved her and needed her to follow the rules. So I dropped her off at school and told the director why we were a little late. Then when I went to pick her up I was told she had been pissy and angry ALL morning long. They finally had to have one of the teachers take her alone in a room and let her get it all out. She stayed that way until she decided she wanted to take her nap (skipping lunch because she refused to sit in the high chair and threw her plate of food back at one of the teachers). After her nap she was fine. Perfectly lovely. But because of the time out I had given her in the morning she spent 4 hours being an asshole.
There are many of these little examples. Last night when I told her it was bedtime and went to take her to change her diaper (part of her normal night time routine) she hit me in the face. This morning she was perfectly lovely until it was time to get dressed and she didn't like the pants I picked out (and also didn't want to pick her own pair; I offered) and didn't want to wear shoes. Another screaming fit.

I am tired and I have no idea how to handle her. I have never experienced this. EVER. Like I said, my son had his challenges and still does, but never like this. I want to pick a way to handle this and be consistent with it because most of all, I don't want her to end up being that kid that no one wants to come to their house. She's testing her limits and I know that. She is 22 months and is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing for her age. But I just don't know what to do with her. And like I said, she isn't always like this. Most of the time she's adorable and lovely and cute. But when things don't go her way? Watch out. If this is a preview of what's going to happen for our "terrible two's," I might need to start drinking more. :)
How could that sweet and adorable face do all of those things I mentioned above? :)


Darcie said...

I couldn't help but giggle when I got to the photo. Her little "smart ass" grin (is what my gram would call it!)is just too perfect!

Our daughter is only 7 months and I swear she already has attitude...I fear for when she has words...or can walk...

marjorie said...

Hi, I just found your blog and read about your son's low muscle tone issues. While I was reading, I was thinking back on a student I had a number of years ago in grade one who had similar issues. While holding a pencil, he could barely make a mark on the paper, because he couldn't press down with the pencil. We got him weighted pencils. He couldn't lift his body weight to climb the steps to the school bus, or the play apparatus in the playground. I remember his older sister had to give him a "butt boost" into the bus. He got therapy, and it really helped him. In one year he made a lot of progress. Here's hoping things go as well for your son.