Thursday, March 12, 2009


We all know that I am not a flowery, butterflies and rainbows type of girl, right?  I think that goes without saying.  I also believe I have covered on this blog my prior feelings about my second child being a girl.  To recap, I have always LOVED the idea of having an adult daughter based on the great relationship that I have with my mom.  But parenting a daughter to adulthood somewhat scares the living shit out of me.  In addition to that I have never had the dream of all things pink and ruffled.  I have a sister who has had a life long dream of having a daughter (currently she has two boys) and every time she enters a children's clothing store she heads over to the pink section and fingers everything and touches things and ooohhhs and aaahhhs.  That has never been me.  I have one child; a boy, and because of that I have never even ventured over to the girl's section.  In fact when I do glance in that direction I am relieved that I don't have to shop in the sea of pink and ruffles.  Girl's clothing scares me a little bit.  Not only because they only seem to give girls two colors to choose from (pink and a darker form of pink), but because there are short skirts and bikinis and tank tops and things that frankly, I wouldn't allow an 8 year old to put on much less my young child.  So basically I have been a little nervous about the whole clothing thing.

So when I found out I was having a girl I expressed to everyone (read: my mother and grandmother) that they were under NO circumstances to start buying up all of the stores in all of their pink glory.  Now I am not going to go crazy about this either.  It isn't like she isn't ever going to be in pink.  She can be as feminine as her little heart desires.  BUT.  I didn't want her world to feel like a piece of pink bubble gum had exploded everywhere she looked.  So pink is fine.  But pink with other colors would be preferred.  Lavender would be lovely.  I even enjoy the pink/brown combination.  But please, for the love of God, don't make my entire world into a pink wonderland.  I don't think I can take it.  And I have to say that this had been respected.  My daughter has lots of pink things, but most of them have polka dots, or stripes or something where there are other colors represented.  This has kept my crankiness at bay where the clothes have been concerned.

So as I am home on bed rest I have been quite good at keeping up with the laundry.  So today when I was going a load I decided that it might be time to start to wash some of the baby's new clothes.  So I went in her room and grabbed a handful of "newborn" sized stuff.  I didn't think too much about it when I tore the tags off and threw them in with my other light clothes.  But when the load was done and I started to take out the teeny tiny little clothes that my daughter will someday wear...I started to feel a little...I don't know...soft.  For the first time in my entire existence I looked at these precious little outfits and I found myself thinking they were...I can't even admit it...CUTE.  I pictured this tiny little baby girl that I am carrying around in my tummy and how very different she is going to be from my boy and the fact that she will be wearing these clothes and it all just felt  Is it possible that this little girl is shattering my armor a bit?  Could I be "nesting?"  What are these strange emotions I am feeling?  But I mean, come on.  Take a look at a couple of these outfits.  How can I not melt just a little?  

And I would like it noted that if you know me in person and are to bring up this very subject, I will deny all of it.  I will pretend that you are crazy and that I don't have the slightest idea of what you are speaking.  And I will resume my gruff, cranky position immediately!


Carlycat said...

I have a wonderful pile of pink hand-me-downs for you. Specifically, the ones with Cinderella motifs, light-pink-accented-with-hot-pink (excellent with magenta boots and magenta-and-pink-tights, woo-hoo!), and pink-and-purple Mulan multicultural motifs (still lots of pink, never worry!). You will be surrounded in pink.

I mean this in a totally supportive way. In the way like, when someone gives you a light blue velvet adorable dress hand-me-down, you really feel quite light and happy. Magenta, does, in fact, wear on the eyes. Burns, occasionally. But God Help Us, those little girls - not all - often come programmed to challenge our retinas and what the hell, soon enough they'll be panicking about every outfit and hairstyle. So you let it go and let them be pink and magenta for a while. In a few years they won't be seen dead in a soft pink shirt.

Yes, you are becoming soft. Because, you are in the process of becoming a mother of a daughter, which requires a certain softness, different than required of a mother of a son. It's an unfolding process, however, not a prescription. I feel like I look into a mirror, and hear someone speaking aloud my old diaries that I didn't even write at age six, when I hear C. talk and cry sometimes. It is truly a different beast - or magical experience (depends on the mood of the mama....) - altogether.

Thx for the note.... I'm glad I'm in your purse a little. :)

Peepie (do you remember?)

AuntFancy said...

Aww, how cute! But I totally understand your aversion to pink. When I was a kid, my whole bedroom was pink and I pretty much couldn't stand it! Hee hee...