Pregnancy Update

You may be wondering why I haven't done more of these updates so far in my pregnancy. Truth be told, this has been a really rough pregnancy so far. I tend to want to put happy, shiny, flowery posts on my blog, and my pregnancy hasn't really given me much content where that has been concerned. I guess some of it is that I don't want to seem ungrateful that I was able to get pregnant so easily this time around, or that I am taking a (seemingly) healthy pregnancy for granted. That is not the case. But what has been the case is that this has been tough. It has been tough for a lot of reasons. One reason: the sickness. It is so hard (at least for me) to look past feeling like I am going to die most of the day to realize the beauty of what that really means (hopefully a healthy baby with healthy hormones trying to kill me). Plus, when I started this process I was pretty gung ho about "going it alone" and being able to be a single mom to this second child. My pregnancy has challenged that. Don't get me wrong, I still think I can handle this and I know that I will bring this child into the world with more love than it knows what to do with, but I think I have realized that pregnancy is not meant to be handled alone. There is a reason why people usually do this in some sort of couple. It is even harder to do alone when you are raising an almost three year old at the same time. There have been times over the last couple of months when I would have literally given my left leg to have someone else be there. Someone else to just please make The Boy a bath and fix him some dinner because, dear God, I just need to lay down for a few minutes!!! But this doesn't happen. There isn't someone else there. I have to get up and take care of that beautiful little dude and also somehow make it through the night. Most nights, once I get him in bed at 8:00, I am following shortly after to my own bed by about 8:15.

So like I said, I haven't posted much because it hasn't all been rosy. Tomorrow I hit the 12 week mark. Hopefully that means that I am nearing the end of the evil first trimester and all that goes with it. With The Boy I was sick through about week 14, so hopefully we are nearing the end. Other than that, I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow and I believe I get an ultrasound. I think it is the nuchal screening where they measure the space behind the back of the neck to test for abnormalities. So once that is done I will post to let you know if the baby is doing well and growing well etc...

I had a really tough weekend...like one of my toughest yet. It is embarrassing and humiliating to talk about here so I won't really get into it. But let's just say that sometimes one of the side effects of pregnancy has to do with the butt area. And let's just say that I have perhaps had a history with that arena and problems that go along with it. Well things got screwed up this weekend and it resulted in, seriously, the most pain I think I have ever felt in my entire life. When I was in the hospital having The Boy (c-section) they kept asking me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I don't think I ever went above a 6. If someone had been asking me to rate things this weekend, at certain points, I would have give it a 9. I almost passed out from the pain. Horrific, terrible and all the other horrendous words that I can think of. Even this morning, I can literally barely walk. I finally called the doctor (I had been trying to hold out for my appointment tomorrow to talk to them about these issues) and burst into tears and was immediately told that I needed to be seen today. So I cancelled my afternoon client and have an appointment this afternoon at 2:20pm.

Like I said, unfortunately this pregnancy hasn't been all flowers and roses. Thanks for listening.