Lucky Me

I've been told that I should update my blog telling you all why I have been so absent. After I laughed at the concept that people might actually miss reading my drivel I decided I would do a post.

So yes...the blog isn't as active as it used to be. There's probably lots of reasons for that, but most likely the new girl has something to do with it. I need to come up with some sort of blog name for her...I'll have to think about that.

But in terms of an update, things are still going very well on that front. It's been SUCH a long time since I have had any sort of a love life, I'm not entirely sure what to say about it. But I should tell you that I have honestly never met anyone in my life that treats me the way this woman treats me. It is sort of astounding to me. I keep waiting for her to "figure it out," or "snap out of it," but it doesn't seem as though that is where she's going with things. She seems to very genuinely like me for me. And that is saying a lot. In the past, I have always tried to figure out what a partner needed from me to be happy with me, and then mold myself into that person. I think because A) so much time has passed since I last had a relationship, and B) the ridiculous amount of therapy I have done in that time, that for this relationship I have never even given a thought to who I "should" be. I just am. And I guess because it has come as a nice surprise, but not one that I feel as though I can't live without, I don't have that panicky feeling that it is all going to go away if I don't do something "right." So I am just me. And guess what? She seems to be really happy with that. Such a concept.

Want to know how she treats me like a princess? Here is what she did for me last night. My mom (and all those who have been reading for a while know my mom is my HUGE helper with the kids) is gone for two entire weeks enjoying a (much deserved) vacation to Hawaii. So I am on my own with the kids for two weeks. That isn't a bad thing, and I can certainly handle my kids on my own, but it does mean that I spend WAY more time running around doing kid errands and picking them both up than I do when my mom is in town. And because of that I don't get to bill as many hours during the day. So for the past week since my mom has been gone I have been working after they go to bed more than usual and just generally running myself ragged. So back to last night...

She was waiting at my house for me when I got home with both kids at 5:30. When we got inside she completely took over for both kids (who LOVE her btw, and were both screaming for her attention) while I was able to calmly and nicely cook dinner for everyone. We all sat together at the table and enjoyed a nice dinner. Then after dinner she did jammies and read books with the kids while I cleaned up (again without kids screaming at me that they need this...or can I do that for them...). We all played together for a little while and then got the kids in bed. As I mentioned I have not had nearly enough time to work lately so after the kids were in bed I worked for about 45 minutes while she played on her phone and watched TV. When I was done working I came and sat with her to watch one of my favorite shows on TV. During the show she was rubbing my back and mentioned that it felt like I had a ton of tension in my neck. Duh. I always do. At her instruction I sat on the floor while she sat behind me on the couch and gave me the most amazing massage. I have had lots of professional massages before and this one was right up there. So she massaged me while I got to watch one of my favorite TV shows. She did this for 45 minutes. Insane... And after all of that she helped me close up the house and we retired to a different part of the house for...um...other lovely stuff. And while I obviously won't go into details of that portion of my life I will say that it has been a really long time since I have enjoyed the um...finer points of a relationship...and that I have been more than pleasantly surprised in that area as well.

It all seems to lame when I type it out, probably because it isn't just that I appreciate her for her help or for the fact that she gives great back massages. But the things she says to me, and the things she asks about, and the things she actually does...well it is just different than I have ever been treated before. And I am constantly surprised and taken aback at this behavior. And then she looks at me like I'm a silly little fool for being surprised by her behavior. She seems to think that I should have always been treated like this and is constantly in shock that I have never had this before.

So yeah. It's going really well right now. It's still super early and I am not going to be that lesbian talking U Haul or anything crazy. But it's good. It's all good. So if I have been a little quiet over here...I am just trying to live this life and soak up the good parts of it. I hope you are all doing the same.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

My baby girl is stressing me out. See, she seems to think that she doesn't want to be a baby anymore. Apparently she didn't get the memo that this is Mommy's last baby and she needs to not grow up so damn quick.

About a week ago, when I was *attempting* to have her take her afternoon nap she had other plans. She didn't think napping was going to happen. So I went into her bedroom and took all of her toys out of her crib and told her to lay down and go to sleep. She begged for one toy to hold onto so I gave in and let her have it, but I told her if she wasn't laying down in 10 minutes then I was coming in and taking that one too. Fast forward 10 minutes and I was back in taking that final toy. She was not pleased. She screamed bloody murder for about 5 minutes and then it got silent. I was meeting with a client at the time so I was glad that she had finally gone to sleep. Or so I thought.

About 10 minutes later I turned on the video monitor to discover that she was no longer IN her bed. Not only that, but she had climbed out and was methodically placing every single one of her toys (that I had taken from her) back into her bed. When she finished that, she played in her room for another 40 minutes before she started knocking on her door to be let out please.

All this to say that she is now climbing out of her crib on a regular basis. However, she is not always so stealth as to make it happen in a safe manner. She wrecked her back this weekend on something...she has informed me that "I crawl out of my crib and I yand on my foot and now my foot is broken." (Drama much?) But either way, I went and bought her a toddler bed this weekend. I am having the new girl put it together for her tonight (one of the many benefits of dating!) so we will see how the transition goes...

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Also, I think I may have mentioned once or twice on here that The Boy's new school is super expensive. :) I am so unbelievably happy with his school that there is no question that I will continue to come up with the money to send him there...but it is a stretch. So I have made another change. I have decided to send The Girl to school on Fridays as well so that I can work. I am super sad to have to make this happen. Not because I am lazy and don't want to work. But because in my head I had hoped to be able to have Fridays with my kids until they entered school. The plan was always to go back to a 5 day work week once they were in Kindergarten, but while they were little I wanted to enjoy one day a week with each of them.

Financially this just isn't a smart decision for me right now. So while I am sad that Peanut and I will not get to continue our Mommy/daughter days, I need to do what is right. And as an added aside, Peanut doesn't seem to appreciate our Mommy/daughter days either right now. Now that we drop off The Boy first in the morning (we used to drop her off first but his kindergarten starts earlier), she gets super mad if she isn't going to school next. So for the past few Friday's we have dropped The Boy off and instead of being happy to be going back home with Mommy, she cries the entire way home telling me, "I big girl too. I want to go to school like brother!" So now I guess she will get her wish. And I will pout sitting at my computer working without either of my babies with me.

Why does this all go so fast?

I Owe You All An Update...

Thank you for those of you who wished me well on my first date in such a long time. And most of you also asked for an update so I am here to give you one.

So a little more background for you first. I contacted her via an online dating site and we ended up exchanging emails for a little over a week, and then that progressed to text messages and finally phone calls. So by the time we met we had been talking for a quite a while and I felt super comfortable talking to her. I really liked all of our conversations and was enjoying getting to know her so I was hoping there would be a spark in person.

We met at a local wine bar for a glass of wine. When I first saw her in person I was shocked at how much she resembled someone I knew. When The Boy was a baby there were two twin sisters who took care of him at their in-home daycare. They called themselves "The Aunties." My date looked SO much like The Aunties. It was...bizarre. I kept trying to get that image out of my mind, but some of the mannerisms even seemed the same and I kept thinking in my head, "I don't want to make out with The Aunties..." (not that there would be any making out that night, but I was just trying to assess whether there would be sparks long term). So it was...weird.

However, like all of our other conversations, it was SO great to talk to her. We sat and had only one glass of wine each and ended up talking from 7:00 until 10:00 that night. I really, really liked her. At the end of the evening we did a quick kiss goodnight in the car. I went home and talked to my mom and step dad (who were watching the kids) about how I felt. I was SUPER confused. I really, really liked her. But I didn't feel any physical spark. I was super bummed about that and was hoping that I could get over the whole resemblance to these other ladies.

We continued talking and texting all week long and I pondered what to do. Even with what had happened at the date, I knew that I didn't want to stop talking to her. I didn't want to have her disappear out of my life at that point. She made me feel pretty amazing. She had all of the qualities that I would look for in another person...she was so nice and self assured, and put together in her life...and just so great in so many ways. So I decided I was going to give it another shot. I invited her over to my house on Friday night after the kids went to bed. My thought was that if I had her in the privacy of my own house for a Friday evening and at the end of the evening I still didn't feel anything then it was probably time to tell her and be honest with her. But I was really hoping that wouldn't be the case.

Turns out I needn't have worried. We ordered a pizza and got a movie and as soon as she walked in the door the vibe felt different...better. And about 20 minutes into the movie when she kissed me--really kissed me for the first time--I felt it all the way down to my toes. All of my previous worries seriously vanished and I let myself enjoy the feeling of being kissed by a pretty amazing person for the very first time in a long, long time.

Friday night was so great that she came back over on Saturday night. She came earlier on that night and met the kids and I cooked us all dinner. The kids absolutely adored her (she knew all the names of every dinosaur and dragon--The Boy thought she was sent directly to him) and because she has kids of her own she fit in very easily to a "normal" evening home with the kids. We had an amazing night on Saturday night and she even came over on Sunday night as well. Things are going beyond well right now. I had such a great weekend...and I am so happy to have met such a fantastic person.

So the moral of the story is...don't necessarily only go for the physical. If your heart feels like you are talking to someone who is worth your time, stick with it. It may go to a great place.

First Date

I am going on a date tonight. This is the first real date I have been on in over 11 years!

I have talked quite a bit to her already so I am sure it is going to go great. I am more excited than anything else. I can't even tell you how strange it feels to be doing this. I'll keep you all posted!

I Hate It

• I hate it that my kid has to have weight checks every 3 months.
• I hate it that the last 3 weight checks have been bad news.
• I hate it that my gastro doctor had to point out that The Boy has not gained an ounce in over 9 months and gave us a one month "hail Mary" to have him gain a little something before it was time to go bad on meds.
• I hate it that at said one month "hail Mary" he hadn't gained anything. Not an ounce.
• I hate it that it's time to put him back on medication.
• I hate watching him take the medication and then suffer the side effects of taking it (extreme tiredness and lethargy).
• I hate it that, although it makes him tired, it does seem to work a little.
• I have having to decide between my kid eating enough to sustain his little life, and my kid being mentally alert enough to grow and thrive.
• I hate that, after 5 years...I am still talking about this.

I'm SO That Parent Right Now

I apologize for what you're about to see, but for documentation purposes I feel that I must show the artwork that came home with The Boy after his first week in Kindergarten. He used to be able to bring his stuff home everyday after he finished it. He has wanted so badly to bring his stuff home at the end of each school day only to be told it must wait for Friday. So when I picked up him on Friday he was bursting at the seems.

It appears that he spent a good portion of his first week drawing. And these are his favorites. I think he's doing pretty damn good. :)

It appears this is "part of the ocean but I didn't have time to finish the water." So that is a jelly fish, a star fish, a giant squid, and a cat fish.

This is his page of bugs and things that fly.
There must have been some talk about this bird this week because there were quite a few versions of this. According to his writing at the bottom, this is a "short tailed albatross"
This is apparently a dinosaur getting attacked by a flying dinosaur and then him flying away.
And his personal favorite...and the one that is hanging on my fridge right now, this is a monarch butterfly. He traced this and then colored it in. All the other ones were free-hand, but this one was traced. But he knows I love these so he made it just for me.
I am still just completely warm, fuzzy over his new kindergarten. I feel like I made SUCH a good choice. More later on that...

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend!

SO Out of Practice

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I have ventured into the world of online dating. Right now I am registered on two sites. The experience has been...interesting.

***Let me take a moment to say that the stuff I am about to mention reflects my personal tastes and attractions in women FOR ME. I am in no way trying to offend anyone, but like with all people, there are certain "types" that I tend to be more attracted to than others. Doesn't mean I don't think those other "types" are wrong in any way, shape or form. It's just that I might not want to date them...

Okay with that out of the way, let me say that the online dating experience started off pretty much as I expected. I tend to mostly be categorized as a "femme" or a lipstick lesbian because I am very feminine looking, I wear makeup, I dress like a girl and most people who run into me on the street do not know that I am gay upon meeting me. Because of this I tend to mostly attract the more "butch" looking women. So the first several people who contacted me fell into this category. Unfortunately for me, as a general statement, this is not the type of woman I am attracted to. Of course there are some exceptions, but for the most part, my ideal mate would also be categorized as a "femme" as well. So while I chatted with several of these women, none of them presented an attraction to me. But it was a nice way to sort of dip my toe back into the waters, for lack of a better term.

I have also contacted several women that I was interested in or attracted to and I ended up being in the place where I was emailing back and forth with two women. And this is where I tell you that I am SO out of practice at this. The last time I was "dating" was 1999. I have "dated" a total of 3 women total in my entire life, and the last one was my Ex whom I was with from 2000 until 2008 (off and on at the end). And since 2008 I have been nothing but a mom. So this whole experience is completely new to me.

These are the things that I have learned so far through this process.

• I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing
• I need to start thinking about myself as something other than a "mom."
• I have no clothes at all that could be considered sexy
• Women are much bolder than I am used to

However there are also some good things that I have learned so far.

• Flirting can actually be kind of fun
• It's important to remember that I am a person too...not just a mom
• It's a nice ego boost to have other people tell you that you're pretty and sexy
• There IS life after a breakup and kids

As of now, I am really only chatting with one woman. She has a 4 year old daughter at home so she understands a lot of how my life is right now. And because of both of us being single moms we haven't made the time to try and get babysitters and meet yet. We are talking on instant message every couple of days and getting to know each other. She lives about an hour away from me and appears to be a regular woman with a full time job and a life. I like that about her. The "getting to know each other" phase is pretty fun. We will just have to see where it all ends up. Neither of us is looking to find "the one" and jump into some crazy relationship, but it would be nice to have someone to go on a date with every once in a while. Hopefully soon we can arrange a meeting.

So that's been my experience in online dating so far. Strange, yet fun, yet scary, yet exhilarating. I'll keep you all posted. :)