Tonight was the very first time that I have been home and didn't nurse my daughter before bed. There have been other nights when I have been out that she's gone to bed for the night without nursing but this is the first time I consciously made the decision to not nurse her.
It's time. It really is. She's SO big. She turned 17 months on Monday and I had sort of had the 18 month old cut off in my head for a while now. And since we were down to just one time a day I figured I would give it a shot. She has (thankfully) started drinking cows milk in the morning when she gets up so I warmed her up some milk and sat with her and rocked her and read her books while she sipped her milk. And then I put her to bed. And you know what? She was FINE. Of course she was. I'm practically in tears and she's like, "What? I'm tired...I don't know what all the fuss is about..." And she smiled at me, demanded her blanket, and rolled over and went to bed. Just like that.
Doesn't she know this is the END of her babyhood? Doesn't she understand that she is my last baby and if last night was the last time she nursed that I will never again provide my baby with my own milk? Doesn't she CARE?!?!? Obviously I am being a bit melodramatic here, but it IS a little sad. I am extremely proud of the fact that I breast fed her for as long as I did, especially when working full time. And I could not be happier with the closeness that I felt as a result. And while I will admit that it bums me out a little that she didn't "lay" with me tonight and let me run my fingers through her hair while she nursed, it was still nice to sit with her in a quiet room and rock in the rocking chair while kissing her little cheeks. We will find new night time routines; they will keep evolving as she gets older and older. That's what has happened with The Boy. But the fact still remains that she is not my baby anymore. She's a growing little girl and while that is absolutely wonderful, I am a little sad to not have a baby anymore.
Goodnight sweet girl. Sleep tight. Mommy loves you.