Today I returned my breast pump to the place that I rented it from almost 15 months ago. I remember walking into that place on April 15, 2009 HUGELY pregnant and contracting and so effing miserable I wasn't sure if I would live the next 5 days to birth my baby. But I did. And even when I rented that pump I wondered how breast feeding would go. I remembered my son who never latched and who I pumped for exclusively and breast fed for just 5 months. I hoped that it would go better but after living through the stress of what went down with my son, I was resolved that I was going to give it my best shot and if it didn't work out I wasn't going to beat myself up about it.
Who knew I would become one of those crazy breast feeding Mom's who is still talking about how to wean their kid at 15 months old? Who knew that I would be able to successfully breast feed and pump for over a year? I sure didn't. But it marks an ending. The returning of the pump (which I haven't actually used in almost a month) marks the end of my baby being a baby. She is still my baby, of course, and she always will be. But she is no longer the little baby that requires me to pump up to 5 times a day so that she can have exclusive breast milk while she was in daycare. Thank God for that.
And since we are here, I will give you the honest scoop (I am lying to pretty much everyone who asks me about whether or not I am still nursing...) Yes, we still are. Last week she was sick and teething and DEMANDED to be nursed during the day. (And by "demanded," I mean she would cry for over a half an hour even after I had "redirected" her like 50 times and given her yogurt, and offered her a cup of cows milk... And then I would nurse her for 5 minutes and she would pull off and look up and smile at me, TOTALLY HUMAN AGAIN, like, "was the really so hard Mommy?") But beside that week, we are sticking firmly to first thing in the morning and last thing at night. No more. I am going to try and give up the first thing in the morning soon. Soon-ish... I swear... Sometime really, really soon... :)
On another note, my daughter is hysterical. Seriously. I wish I could post all the things she does everyday that make me laugh, but I simply can't. But I have today's example. My BFF sent me an online coupon for a pair of Crocs that were on sale for a ridiculously low price (like $8 total including tax and shipping). So I ordered them for her even though she is barely in a size 4 shoe and these were size 4/5. I figured she would grow into them. They arrived today. And I showed them to her.
Her eyes lit up. "SHOES!!" She exclaimed. "Shoes ON," she told me. And promptly sat down and stuck her fat little foot in my direction. So I put them on. She LOVES them. My daughter loves shoes. Who does this kid belong to? Seriously? I have like a total of 4 pairs of shoes and will wear each of those until they blatantly fall apart and require me to purchase something to replace them. I am not one of those girls with 50 pairs of shoes in her closet. Not even close. But my daughter constantly reminds me she is her own person. So here is a video of her walking (have I mentioned that is totally official now?) with her new shoes? Too big and all, but damnit, she is going to ROCK her new shoes.
Breast pump returned to its owner. Said baby is officially walking and rocking her own look and the new shoes that she loves. I can't believe how fast it is all going...