I'm SO That Parent Right Now

I apologize for what you're about to see, but for documentation purposes I feel that I must show the artwork that came home with The Boy after his first week in Kindergarten. He used to be able to bring his stuff home everyday after he finished it. He has wanted so badly to bring his stuff home at the end of each school day only to be told it must wait for Friday. So when I picked up him on Friday he was bursting at the seems.

It appears that he spent a good portion of his first week drawing. And these are his favorites. I think he's doing pretty damn good. :)

It appears this is "part of the ocean but I didn't have time to finish the water." So that is a jelly fish, a star fish, a giant squid, and a cat fish.

This is his page of bugs and things that fly.
There must have been some talk about this bird this week because there were quite a few versions of this. According to his writing at the bottom, this is a "short tailed albatross"
This is apparently a dinosaur getting attacked by a flying dinosaur and then him flying away.
And his personal favorite...and the one that is hanging on my fridge right now, this is a monarch butterfly. He traced this and then colored it in. All the other ones were free-hand, but this one was traced. But he knows I love these so he made it just for me.
I am still just completely warm, fuzzy over his new kindergarten. I feel like I made SUCH a good choice. More later on that...

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend!

He's a School Boy Now...

Tomorrow is the official first day of school, but The Boy has gone to his new kindergarten both yesterday and today for half days. He also went on Friday to meet his teachers and check out his classroom. All of this combined with an afternoon at the park yesterday with his classmates has made the transition into kindergarten a great one.

I worried so, so much...remember all the posts? The great kindergarten debate? Well, things fell into place like they usually do. Randomly running into one of his old teachers in the Trader Joe's parking lot (who told me about the school he is in now) changed everything for the better. Yes, this is a private school, which was NOT my first choice. Not only for the money part of it, but because I went to public school...I wanted to support my local public schools. But it just wasn't in the cards. And you know what? It was the best decision I could have made.

I cannot tell you how awesome his classroom is. I walk around that place and think, man I would love to learn here. And apparently, The Boy feels the same. This morning he asked me if he was going back to kindergarten and I told him yes. "Hooray!!" he cheered. When we got ready to leave this morning he grabbed his lunch box, his water bottle and said, "Ready to go to kindergarten!" as he ran out the door. We got there a few minutes early today and his classroom wasn't open yet. He was so excited to get to check out all the books in the library. He looked up at me, sitting there with his little eyes shining..."I am going to learn SO MUCH STUFF in this school Mommy..." And he will.

And I am more proud of him than I ever thought I could be. My biggest goal during all of the choices and stresses about getting him into a good school was wanting him to continue his love of learning. My child (probably all children) LOVES to learn. And I just didn't want that fire to go out. I wanted to keep that fire burning for a really long time. And with his new school? I think that fire will be burning for the next 6 years at least!

Here he is on Monday morning...again, not the official "first day of school photo" (that will come tomorrow morning), but this was the first morning we went to the new school. Note the pose? He did that himself. He was so excited that he was dancing. Can't ask for much more than that.

Now remind me of all of this in future years when I am complaining that I am in the poor house as a result of my child's education...

Can I Let You In On A Little Secret?

I'm petrified. So unbelievably scared right now. And I probably shouldn't be feeling this way. I should probably be celebrating.

I got the offer letter today in the mail for The Boy to go to the super fabulous/super expensive private Montessori elementary school. It looks like it is really going to happen. And it scares the living shit out of me.

I could write a very composed post about how very excited I am that my son is going to attend such an amazing school. And I could list point after point about why I feel so strongly about how wonderful this school is and how much my son is going to thrive there. In fact, that is the post I sat down to write tonight. A celebratory post talking about all the amazing things this school is going to mean for my son. And it would all be true. Every single word of it would be the truth.

But instead I decided to be honest. I decided to tell you all what *I* am feeling. If I step out of my Mommy shoes for just a moment (which I very rarely do), I can let you in on what is happening in my head, but what will never actually be spoken out loud. The head of the single mom, of the "provider," and the person that is going to be responsible for paying for this school and subsequently keeping a roof over our heads and some form of quality to our life. And if I were to tell you the quiet thoughts going on in that head...the ones that very rarely make it from the inside of my head into the outside world...I would tell you that I am scared. I would tell you that there was a part of me that was looking forward to the day when my son would enter public school and I would no longer have to pay for full time daycare. I had dreams of being able to exhale a little bit financially. I had dreams of being able to save a little money to possibly replace my car (the one that currently has over 115,000 miles on it...). I had dreams of being able to afford health insurance for myself and my kids without having to rely on The Ex for that. I had dreams of not having to sit at my desk every single night after the kids go to bed and work until 11:00. I had dreams of not having to hold my breath and cross my fingers and pray to the sky that all those checks don't clear at once. And now...well none of those things are going to happen. Because not only am I about to sign up for at least 6 years of the same thing...I am signing up for something that costs MORE than I am paying right now. And although I have crunched the numbers, and it is do-able, it is barely do-able. And if anything out of the blue comes flying at me, it could really screw me. And I am afraid it quite possibly might suck the life right out of me. And I am worried about that.

I am hoping that this anxiety is because there is A LOT coming at me right now financially. I have to come up with over $1,000 of "one time" fees...I have to come up with 10% of this year's tuition...and I have to come up with all of it by Monday. The way the tuition is paid I have realized that for the months of July and August, I will be paying for BOTH the tuition to the new school AND the full-time daycare that he will still need because school hasn't started yet. And all of this makes my heart palpitate and my palms sweat and makes me want to burst into tears.

But I am confident that once I get into the groove...once he is IN and once the payments are consistent, I will be able to make it happen. But for now I am scared shitless. And I can't even say these things out loud. Because when I talked about the little things that I was dreaming about above...what I really want is for my boy to dream. And what I really want is for him to thrive and love school and have an amazing experience...and I know in my heart all of those things, plus more, are going to happen for him at this school. And I know that that is what this is really about. So those are the things that I talk about out loud. Those are the things that I tell people when they ask me where he will be going to kindergarten. I will smile and tell them the name of the school with pride and I will feel proud that I am somehow able to do this for my son.

But inside my head? Not a pretty place right now...

The Great School Drama of 2011...

Well I guess it isn't really drama anywhere but inside my own head. But damn, it is quite dramatic inside there!

So I went to tour the private Montessori elementary school today that I talked about in another post. And man...I kinda fell in love. What a fabulous school, and what a fabulous environment for my child to learn. But as much as this seems like it should be a slam dunk, it just...isn't.

The biggest hurdle, by FAR, is the finances. I knew this school was a private school and their tuition rates are listed on their website, so it isn't a shock. But coming home and actually crunching those numbers? Ouch. It boils down to the fact that it will cost a little over twice as much as I am paying right now for my son's school. That hurts. A lot. It hurts so much that it just really might not be possible. And that makes me want to cry right now. I need to have a serious talk with The Ex this weekend and see if we can make this happen. And for the record, she was there for the tour this morning, loves the school as much as I do, and wants to do everything possible to make it happen. But even with all that, it just might not be enough; dollars and sense wise.

The other things that I am thinking about really don't even compare to the price problem. I have some preconceived notions of schooling based on my upbringing, and a family rich in public school teachers. It seems odd for me to not ever get a "report card." It seems strange that my son would never have a real "test." And yet if I step outside my box: how liberating! An education based on actual learning as opposed to where one falls on their "testing" schedules. (I need to talk about this more later...)

The only other small "concern" is the transition from elementary to junior high. Leaving a Montessori elementary and transitioning into a "standard" junior high might be pretty tough. And we all know junior high is a tough time for kids anyway. It would be my hope that there is plenty of preparation for the child prior to that actually happening, and lots of parental interaction to help make the transition as smooth as possible. Not to mention that I think, no matter where you are, no matter what type of schooling you have gone through, the transition from elementary school to junior high is tough either way. So the question becomes, if I am concerned about the "transition," then is the answer to force that transition NOW? At age 5? As opposed to 5 or 6 years from now? I personally don't think so...

There are so many things that I think are great about this philosophy of education and I wish I had an hour to compose a fabulous post on all of them, but alas I have a client to get to. But I wanted to put a quick post up for those following to say that I loved, loved, loved the school. Loved it. But now comes the tough decisions. Can I really make this work? Is this the best decision for my son? That part isn't quite as clear yet.

If anyone has had experience with Montessori elementary schooling and/or the transition to junior high after, please either comment here or send me an email. I would love to get your input. And hopefully I will get more time to put together a more cohesive post on this later...

The Saga Continues

It is not news on my blog that I am struggling with where to send my son to kindergarten in the fall. I briefly posted last week that his lottery number for our "dream school" pretty much guaranteed that he will NOT be going to that school. I also received a letter from the school district (I applied for an inter-district transfer to a different school; one where he had speech therapy ages ago and really enjoyed...) that the school I was hoping to get him into was at capacity and they would be doing a lottery for a remaining spots. So not much hope there either. So it appeared that the only answer was to send him to neighborhood school for kindergarten and hope that, "We LOVE it! We were so WRONG about this school! I love being proved wrong; I am so thrilled he is going here..."

And for my commenters out there, I should mention that I am in no way tainted about this school based solely on test scores and the fact that over half the kids don't speak English. I agree that having a bilingual school is not at all a bad thing, and I also know that when a good portion of the kids don't come from English speaking backgrounds, that test scores are not necessarily indicative of whether the teachers are good or bad, or whether the kids are smart or not. But without getting into the murky waters of "saying too much on the internet when people could potentially figure out who and what you're talking about..." I will say that I have a few people in my life in the education field and some close enough to have some pretty good "insider information" about our neighborhood school and while nothing horrific is going on at all, it has been politely suggested to me that perhaps there might be a more suitable place for my child. Enough said about that, but I wanted it on the record that I am not keeping my son away from his neighborhood school simply based on race and test scores.

Long time readers of my blog know that my son has some unique challenges. He had some health issues long ago and still struggles to keep weight on his tiny frame, and he lost about a year of growing. So you combine that with a Mommy who is 5' 3" on a good day, and a donor Daddy who claims to be 5' 8", but is really lucky if he hits 5' 6"...and well we have quite a little boy on our hands. He is also still in speech therapy, has severe muscle tone issues**, and by personality is a "highly sensitive child." So he is unique and his needs are unique. My biggest fear about him starting school (aside from the normal "he won't fit in..." etc) is that he gets overwhelmed and goes from being a boy who LOVES learning to a kid who hates school. I think all of us parents fear that on some level. If a child really enjoys the learning process and school itself, it makes for a much more successful school career.

On both of my recent parent/teacher conferences his teacher has expressed to me that she thinks he really thrives in the Montessori environment (he has been in a Montessori daycare/preschool since he was 2 at the recommendation of his therapists at the time. And they were right--it's a great fit for him). She has asked me on several occasions if there is any chance to get him into the public Montessori elementary school in town. Even though this school is "in town," it is in an entirely different district than we are, and to get an out-of-district transfer is really difficult. I looked into it, but unless there are extenuating circumstances, it doesn't happen. So I looked online at some of the private Montessori elementary schools and realized pretty quickly that A) they are super expensive, and B) most of them don't go all the way up until middle school. So that means he would have to transfer to a new school in 3rd or 4th grade, and I am not sure that would be a decent transition for him (see above highly sensitive child). So, in all of this school drama, I sort of gave up and moved on. Plus I found "dream school" and secretly tried to convince myself that he would be lottery number 1!! And how lucky we would be!! And also made myself stop thinking about these super difficult decisions until it was apparent that some decisions really DID need to be made (no entry to "dream school," and no inter-district transfer). So now that we appear to be at that crucial MUST MAKE DECISIONS time, I have been a bit panicked and bummed.

This weekend I was doing my weekly grocery shopping at Trad.er Joe.'s and ran into a woman who used to work at his old daycare (the one The Girl is at now). She was so lovely, and we LOVED her when she worked there. The Boy adored her and her son was The Boy's very first BFF. It was wonderful to see her and catch up (although The Boy was with The Ex so she didn't get to see him, which she was bummed about), and at the end of our conversation I asked her where she was working now. She said, "Oh, I'm at this GREAT school...xx elementary school." I said, "Is it Montessori?" (She had left his daycare to go back to school to be certified in Montessori) and she told me yes. It was a private Montessori elementary school, and she couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it. I told her a little bit about my struggles to find the perfect school for The Boy and she told me she thought this would be a great fit. She begged me to at least check it out. She said that admission for kindergarten was probably closed by now, but that I should seriously consider it for 1st grade if I wasn't happy with neighborhood school because this school would be wonderful for him. Plus, even though it was a private school, it was moderately priced and also went up through 6th grade.

So I, of course, ran home and looked up the school online and it looked fabulous. It had "primary care," which is kids ages 3-6 working together, and then "lower elementary" (kids ages 6-9), and then "upper elementary," (kids 9-12). One of the things I love about Montessori is the kids at different age levels working together. This has worked out GREAT for The Boy thus far because, like I said, he tends to be on the smaller side. And working in a classroom with kids of all sizes and ages allows him to not ever have to be the "small one." Plus, for him, he really excels in all things science and nature and really functions at a level much "older" than he is. But in language and math is probably just about at a normal 5 year old level. Being with kids older and younger than you allows you to excel in certain areas while making sure to not fall behind on the areas where a little extra work is needed. Plus, his muscle tone issues make it difficult for him to sit at a desk for long periods of time (not that I think kindergartners are being forced to sit in a desk all day long...), and the Montessori method of going from "job" to "job" really works for him. ***

So while I was excited at my find, I also found the portion of the website that discussed enrollment for the 2011-12 school year, and we had indeed missed all of the cutoffs. Not surprising, but a bummer nonetheless. But I liked what I read enough to decide that I would contact the school directly and see if there was any chance to still apply to get him into kindergarten, and if not, inquire about what the process would be to get him in for 1st grade. So I emailed the school today and explained our situation and someone called me back not 4 hours later saying that there still was room for kindergarten this year. Apparently they have room in their "primary care," but once you get to "lower elementary" there are significant waiting lists. So this was a lucky break. I scheduled a tour of the school for Wednesday the 27th of April. And I am super excited to see it, and hopeful...

But there is a down side (isn't there always?). The reason they have room at this school is because it is a private school. As in...costs a lot of money for the privilege to go to this school. And I am honestly not sure if that is something I can swing. According to the website, the tuition for a year is not much more than what I am paying now in daycare, so it wouldn't be that much different. But I had really been hoping to be able to "exhale" a little in terms of finances come August. It is do-able, just not what I would have liked. But The Ex and I had been talking a lot about this possibility once we learned "dream school" (charter so therefore free...) was off the table. We both agreed that we would give neighborhood school a shot for kindergarten but that we would explore private school possibilities for the upcoming years. So this wasn't completely off the table, we just obviously would have preferred a public (and therefore "free") school career so that we could save more for college.

So just when I thought it was a done deal that he would be attending the neighborhood school this fall, this other option dropped into my lap. I haven't seen this woman that I ran into this weekend in 3 years. What are the chances that we would run into each other in a parking lot, and that she would be working in a school that is a perfect fit for my son...AND that school would still have kindergarten openings in mid-April? When I told my mom about it, she said, "I think that might have been fate. Perhaps this is where he is supposed to be." I think she might be right. But we will have to see. Of course, I'll keep you all posted... :)

**I owe you all an update post on The Boy's OT and how it is going. Short answer: GREAT!!

***Everyone has different beliefs and just because I strongly believe in the Montessori curriculum doesn't mean you have to. And if you think that Montessori is a bunch of crap and you would NEVER send your kid there, more power to you. That is your decision to make. I could write an entire 10 page post on how Montessori works for my son, but that is my story and is not relative to this post. I am not putting down public schools, or any other type of academic learning. As parents, we learn what works best for our kids and this particular process works great for mine. Hopefully if you are a parent, you will find a situation that works equally as well for your child.