The Escape Artist

The Girl was in rare form today. And not in a good way.

I don't know if it is the one year molars that are torturing her, or if she feels crappy from her shots last week, or if she is just a surly little beast but DAMN! That child is either the sweetest thing you have ever set your eyes on, or else she was sent directly from the devil. There really is no in between. And today was a devil day.

She had already been in her room for a "reset" twice and was finally wandering around seemingly happy. She had found her brothers sunglasses and found it quite humorous to wander the hallways while wearing them. I had finally finished cleaning up the kitchen and scolding The Boy (I don't know how many times it is necessary to repeat that we don't jump on the furniture before it finally sinks in...) when I sat down in the middle of the living room to read my magazine.

Every minute or so The Girl would wander in and motion for me to fix her fallen sunglasses, and once I did, she would smile and walk back down the hall to look at herself in the mirrored closet doors of her brother's bedroom. Her brother was running from his room, down the hall, stopping to kiss my arm (trying to make up for his previous scolding) and then slooooowly climbing up onto the couch and smiling at me like, "See? Not jumping..." He would then slither off the couch like a snake and run back to his room. Rinse and repeat. This process went on for a good ten minutes. I actually read several pages of my magazine while it was going on.

Then all of a sudden I realized I hadn't seen The Girl in a few minutes and it was awfully quiet. You know the quiet. The one where only bad things can be happening... So, reluctant to give up my place in my magazine and my peace and quiet I told The Boy, "It's too quiet. Go find your sister and tell me what she's doing." He rapidly ran off down the hall. He came back relatively quickly and said the following:

"She's outside Mommy. With her shoes off!"

He put such emphasis on that last part that it took me a minute. "I'm sorry...she's WHERE?"

"Outside. And she has HER SHOES OFF!!"

He was not concerned in the slightest that she had apparently left the premises, his only concern was that she had gone outside without her shoes. Breaking the rules for sure. Wondering how I could have forgotten to lock the screen door, I rushed to the back door only to hear him say, "No Mommy. Out front." Fan-freaking-tastic.

She apparently stealthily opened up the screen door and simply went.outside. She saw me tearing out the door to her and yelled, "Hiiiiii!" and waved from her spot at the top of the driveway. So damn proud of herself. She even made it down the porch steps. She was clearly confused as to why I wasn't praising her for her accomplishments.

And when she realized that I was bringing her back inside? Well the fit of all fits ensued. She made such a colossal racket that her brother went into his room, fingers in his ears, and shut the door. She LOVES to be outside. Loves loves loves. And I ruined her entire plan.

My daughter escaped. She simply opened the front door and walked out. What do you think my neighbors think? Granted she was probably outside a sum total of about a minute, but STILL. I am so unbelievably screwed with this child. Apparently we are done using the screen door for the season. She is my second child and she makes me feel like I have never parented before. Ever.

I'm exhausted.

Pictured above: So happy to be playing in a big grassy field while her brother enjoys his soccer practice. Have I mentioned that she LOVES being outside?