Happy Holidays

It's a holiday in our household today so I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season, and here are some of the pictures from the kids' holiday photo shoot... I may have already shown you some of these but if not, enjoy! Have a wonderful day everyone!

Apparently There Is A Limit to My Crankiness...

This past week has been ROUGH you guys. Trying to work AND take care of two kids simply doesn't work. It just plain doesn't. I can either work properly, or I can take good care of my kids...but I can't do both of those things at one time. So this week has been crazy and I am not proud to say that I haven't been the most patient parent in the world as of late. In fact for most of this week my children have literally been driving me out of my mind.

But then tonight I put The Girl to bed and then I put The Boy to bed in their respective rooms and went into my bathroom to take off my makeup. I hear my daughter open her door, walk out and pause a little bit in front of my room to see if I am looking at her (I am not, but can see her through my bathroom mirror) and then "sneak" into her brother's room. I have his monitor on so I turn it on and see her hop up on his bed, give him a hug and lay down on her tummy with her ankles in the air watching her brother do something with Spiderman. They whispered because they didn't think that I knew she was in there. They sat together for about 15 minutes before The Boy couldn't stand it (he's definitely my honest one) and he came out and told me that The Girl was in his room but could they please please please spend some more time together? He was teaching her how to not be afraid in the dark and he was going to go get her Kitty (her lovey) for her. I said sure and he ran off. A few minutes later I went in there and they were both laying together on his bed under the covers and asking if they could have a sleepover.

Let me reiterate...there has probably not been more than a handful of moments in the entire last week that I thought these two were cute. They have both been "on my list" all week long. And yet...even I couldn't resist the adorable brother/sister bonding that was going on. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we don't have to be anywhere until 4:00pm. It's a perfect night for their first ever sleepover in our house (they have slept together in other places before, but never at home). So I blew up the aero bed, put the sheets on and they each made their own part of the bed. She chose her pillow pet, her kitties (2 of them), her blanket, her stuffed frog and a spiderman figure. He chose his pillow pet, his Lambie (like her kitty; a lovey), a flashlight, a blanket and three spiders. Oh, plus another Spiderman figure to battle his sister. I took a picture of the cuteness, turned off the lights, and slipped out to leave them. I will never know what they talk about or what they do in there tonight, and I shouldn't. This is just between the two of them.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Pray for Me

Today is the last day...for more than two loooong weeks, that either of my children have any sort of school or daycare. It's going to be a LOT of togetherness. I mean I do feel lucky and joyful to spend this wonderful time of year with my two children... But dear God. It's a really long freaking time. Let's have a couple of pictures of them during the season while I still like them... Happy Friday!

Bullets

The time just keeps going so quickly that I never have time to sit down and write a proper post anymore. So I'm going to catch us up quickly since I haven't written since Thanksgiving.

• My daughter is a huge pain in the ass. Seriously. I adore her more than life itself but DEAR GOD with the attitudes and the tantrums and the bossy behavior... It's a miracle some days that I have made it through the evenings with her.
• On the flip side of that...oh my God is she so freaking cute right now. She LOVES any and all things Christmas. She asks for the songs in the car and knows them by heart and sings them at the top of her lungs. We took her to see some lights last night and she kept running around going, "And anodder kissmas tree...and ANODDER...and wait! LOOK! There's frosty..." It was perhaps the sweetest genuine love of Christmas I have seen in the long time.
• The Boy has attitude as well. Seems like teenager attitude...like blatantly ignoring me when I ask him to do something. Taking his own sweet time to do that things he actually does. And generally thinking he's MUCH cooler than he actually is.
• But again...he's so sweet right now. Is reading at school and I volunteer in his class and read with all the kids so he is trying SO hard right now to master reading. He loves, loves, loves all things school and I will say (again) what an amazing school he goes to. He's still my little science boy and my little helper.
• Job thing is a bit crazy with the transitions to working with a partner coupled with normal end-of-year activities and my heart is palpitating a little trying to figure out how to fit it all in.
• One of my very wealthy clients let me go to his beach house over the weekend for a night. I will say it was like NOTHING I have ever seen before. Most beautiful house that perhaps I have ever set foot inside and I actually got to spend the night. Right on the private beach with the most amazing view you have ever seen. I went with the kids and The Girlfriend and it was awesome. While eating breakfast in the morning at the big, oak table in front of a burning fire we were watching the surfers and the waves break outside the window. And as we were watching a school of dolphins swam by. Swear to God. Even have pictures to prove it. It was a pretty surreal moment.

And we'll end on that because I have to run out to pick up The Girl from school, The Boy from his OT and then bring them home, throw them in the bath and get their dinner started before The Ex gets here to watch them. Because at 6:00 I am going out for drinks and sushi with my BFF. Will try and do a proper post soon! Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday!

Thankful

This is a good year. There is much to be thankful for. Of course, always on the top of my list are my two amazing children. They are a handful, and they challenge me on a daily basis, and they bring a light into my life that feels like the sunshine. I adore every moment. The ones that are hard, and the ones that Hall.mark looks upon and says, 'that's what cards are made of...' Because they both exist in my household. On a daily basis. Sometimes on an hourly basis.

I am thankful for my family. My mother is my rock and my best friend. My life would function at a much different place if it weren't for her. I could never ask for more. She brings so much to my life and to my kids' lives. If I can be half the mother she has been for me than I will have been a success. And add in the extended family of my stepdad, my grandmother, my brother and his wife...and I am a very lucky person. My entire family unit is surrounded by love. I don't take that for granted. And my children are growing up spending every holiday with their cousins and building amazing traditions and memories. That is priceless..

I am thankful that finally, after 5 years, I have opened myself up to the dating world and been lucky to find a woman that treats me like I am something special. And who seems to not only accept, but adore my crazy life with my two kids (who are around ALL the time) and want to be a part of it. I am very thankful for that. I am very thankful she is in my life.

My friends are the best ever. I have about 5 close friends that I talk to on a regular basis...you guys keep me grounded and provide the friendship that endures the test of time. Having a few, really close friends is a lucky thing. And I have several.

My work. First of all, I am thankful for the fact there there IS work to be had. In an economy like this, I am so thankful that my cup is running over where my workload is concerned. I am thankful that I have a new business partner and that the future is looking bright. I am thankful that my hours allow me to volunteer on a weekly basis in my son's kindergarten class, and that I am able to have both my children home with me on a daily basis by 5:00pm. My work allows for all of this.

Most of all I am thankful for where I am in life right now. Right this very minute. Sitting in a house that I own, typing on a computer that I love, listening to my kids play together in The Girls room, sipping a glass of wine waiting for The Girlfriend to arrive in about an hour when we can all get to bed early and enjoy a long day tomorrow of family and fun.

Here's wishing you and your families all a wonderful Thanksgiving.

This Moment

{this moment} – A Friday ritual inspired by SouleMama.
A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

The Next Phase?

When I look back on my life thus far, it is definitely broken up into different "chapters." Of course when you're little the chapters are defined by school. For me they are pre-parents divorce elementary, post-parents divorce elementary, then Junior High and High School. After that there is the obvious college chapter. And then the post-college, partying a lot, living in an awesome studio above a coffee shop 'chapter.' Then for me there was the "coming out" chapter. I figured out during that time that I was gay and dated a couple of girls and generally just enjoyed that feeling of, "oh THIS is what I was supposed to be doing the entire time."

Then I met The Ex and we went into the next chapter of love, life, commitment ceremony, buying a house and trying to have kids 'chapter.' Then we finally got pregnant and I had The Boy and we went immediately into the breakup of the marriage, Ex leaving me, sick kid phase of my life. That was a rough one. No doubt about it. Then the next phase was probably me deciding to have The Girl, getting pregnant and having her, and dealing with being a single mom to two small kids all by myself phase. This phase lasted up until a few months ago. I was so overwhelmed with trying to do it all, and do it all well, that there was absolutely NO time for myself or for anything besides getting through each day and trying to take time during those days to appreciate and love the kids I fought so hard to get.

And then everything changed. As I have spoken about before, I hit a really rough time around July of this year. The Boy had gotten sick and for whatever reason the depression that I have fought for the better part of my adult life returned with a vengeance and it became obvious that something had to change. So since I was done nursing The Girl and was done having kids in general I agreed to go back on anti depressants. When I look back now, I think this was the catalyst that started all the things that are happening now.

About a month after starting back on the medication I began to feel like my old self. Not the self that I had been for the past 5 years, but the self I had been before that. The person that actually felt a lot of joy and began to look at life as something to be lived as opposed to something to just 'get through.' I started actually enjoying my kids again. I lost 25 pounds and am back at the same weight I was in high school. And I decided it was time to consider dating again. Not only did I put myself out there, but I was the one who decided to contact the woman who is now my girlfriend and pursue her. That never would have happened before.

And in mid-September one of the gay boyfriends came to me and said he thought it might be time to take on a business venture that we had talked about for years. We decided to become partners and grow my business in a new way. This is a HUGE thing for me. I have been completely self employed and running my own business for 15 years. To allow someone else to come into that business is not something I take lightly. But the timing felt right, and if we are correct on what we think we can do with the business, I will actually make more money, get some time off, and be able to have a quality of life where I do not have to work every single night after the kids go to bed, and every weekend. It's going to take a bit to get there, but wow...it would be so awesome if we can achieve that. And I actually believe we can do it.

So it appears that I have entered the next 'chapter' in my life. My kids are older now and are getting to be completely past the baby phase. They are turning into lovely little human beings (most of the time) that you can talk to and reason with and that can handle things in a more mature way than ever before. I am settling happily into a new relationship with an amazing woman that I feel SO lucky to have in my life. And my work is completely morphing into something new. Pretty much every aspect of my life is shifting. And it's all for the better.

I have never before in my life been so conscious of the transition. And while there are certainly moments where I have a bit of panic based on the fact that EVERYTHING feels so different, I am happy and excited to move into this next phase of my life. If I think back to how I felt right after The Ex left me and my marriage broke up, I would have NEVER thought that I could be here again. I would not have thought I could have found a second chance at life and at love and that things could ever feel this way again. So I say bring it on! Changes are not always scary. In fact sometimes they end up being exactly what I needed.